i have a 10 ,9,5, year old and i havent told them yet because i had some hope. i keep telling them daddy working alot and staying at his moms because its a long dive i dont know how to tell them but i have to
2007-09-16 17:36:40 · 15 answers · asked by darlynn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you are sure there is not a possibility of saving the marriage.. sit them down and have a talk with them about it (preferably together). Tell them that the two of you have decided that you are splitting up. Tell them together that it is not because of them and that you both love them so very much. If you know the visitation schedule that you plan to use, try talking with them about it and see if the 10 and 9 year old have input into it... listen to their questions and concerns and try to talk it out with them. Mostly, just keep emphasizing that it's not because of them and that you two love them. Try to have as many of the details worked out for them as you can, as this seems to be one of the things that bothers kids the most - not knowing what their futures will be like with the change... try to be reassuring and understanding..
2007-09-16 17:45:02 · answer #1 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have lived this very situation. Most importantly ensure they know that they have played no part & are not at fault for the split up. It is often best to explain that as people grow older they change & sometimes they do it together & other times apart. Tell them that the upside is that they will still have two parents who love them very much & they will be lucky enough to have two homes to stay at. Try & keep it positive & NEVER blame the other partner in front of the kids, nor speak badly of them or erode them in front of them. It will do irreperable damage. It is a sad thing thats happening but it also opens new horizons & possibilities as new lives, friendships & partnerships blossom after a period of time. Always you have to "Pretend" to have the utmost respect for the other partner in front of the kids when talking about them. Remember, your marriage may have failed but you have had a massive success in bringing your children into the world for which you should both be proud. Good luck & seek professional help once everything has happened not just for you but also the kids................PLEASE !!!
2007-09-16 17:48:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You tell them the truth, u dont have to go into great detail.. but you tell them the truth.. and you reassure them that both u and your husband love them all very much.. and you let them ask questions, and u answer them the best u can.. , my advice to you is that both u and your x sit down with the kids.. if possible to explain this.. if not, then u do the best u can..but constantly reassure them that they are loved,and that everything is going to be ok. The way you and your husband handle this.. and treat each other, especially in front of the children will determine alot in how the kids handle this..
2007-09-16 18:04:09 · answer #3 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lay it all out..Your soon to be ex husband should be with you when you tell them. After all he is part of tearing there life apart forever. They will know you lied to them about what has been going on. But that damage has been done. There will be many questions for the 2 of you. Answer them as short and simply as you 2 can. Be prepared for your kids to act out at some point. I hope you have a good lawyer. There will be child support and custody issues to be worked out...Good luck
2007-09-16 17:51:59 · answer #4 · answered by Cinnamon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trying to save the marriage for the sake of the kid's is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Actually a counselor even told me it's impossible to do and pretty dumb so I wouldn't advise doing that. The kid's can still love both parents
Get joint custody
Child support
Alimony depending on how long you were married
Don't ever talk bad about their dad "INFRONT" of them though that is the WORST thing that can be done.
2007-09-16 17:44:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
BOTH mommy and daddy need to talk with the kids about them splitting up. It's important to let them know it's not their fault. For the kids sake you both need to get along in front of them and don't bad mouth each other. good luck...
2007-09-17 06:14:07 · answer #6 · answered by Rookie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the best of situations you should sit down with both parents and tell them honestly. Just be honest. If you have plans for when you are going to divorce, where you are going to live after the divorce, it might be a good time to be preparing to answer those questions. The kids basically want to know "What is going to happen to me?" you should try to answer to the best of your knowledge and honestly.
2007-09-16 17:42:15 · answer #7 · answered by Lily 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Say something like Mommy and Daddy are taking some time apart, but we still love you, nothing could ever change that and you are in no way why we are doing this...it is between us. We both love you and always will together or apart we both love you.
2007-09-16 17:47:54 · answer #8 · answered by Glinda W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you and your husband pull it together to talk to the children together? That would be the best way, so that he can't blame you for poisining his children against him. Also, you both can reinforce the fact that you both love them and that it wasn't their fault.
Kids generally can sense something is wrong. It is usually better to tell them the truth than let their imaginations run wild.
2007-09-16 17:50:00 · answer #9 · answered by Nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be honest with them...And stress that it is not because they did something wrong it has nothing to do with them. Let them express their feelings and listen and talk them through. Don't talk bad about the dad. Try to be understanding. But, they have to know something is going on......good luck
2007-09-16 17:42:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋