Im having issues with my ex-husband regarding my daughters last name. When she was born we were seperated, and actually he was served with divorce papers when she was 1 week old. He was in a relationship with someone else, and questioned if our daughter was really his. So I gave her my maiden name, which is my only last name, and left his name out of it. He rarely see's her, or makes any real effort to be part of her life. He just got remaried and has another child on the way. He now wants our daughters name hyphenated to reflect his and his new families. I am completly against this. What do you think?
2007-09-16 16:23:16 · 27 answers · asked by rebecca 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Are you sure she is his daughter? If so, I don't agree with hyphenated names. The reason being, I have been searching ancestry and genealogy. When people get older and may be generations along the road, they want to know who their family was, many generations back, and who was married to who and who was born to who and where they were born, etc.
With your maiden name this child shows never having a father, how confusing having a hyphenated name, which would she go by. Kids would ask why is your name that way. If he is the dad and that is a fact, I would have his name put on if he paid his child support for the yrs, missed and update. Mostly to help support this child and her name. If he had nothing to do with her then, he most likely wouldn't after this. Just an idea.
2007-09-16 16:38:17 · answer #1 · answered by lana s 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can respond to this because of my own experience. I was given my father's last name when I was born (my parents were married) but he left when I was three months old. When I was in either Kindergarten or 1st grade, my mom changed it and I haven't used his name ever since. He was never a part of my life so I never needed his name. As an adult, I've never had a need to use his name. I don't see the point in using it because it's never been relevant to me. That said, you have to be careful because if the father were to die and there were benefits that your daughter is entitled to, this could present a problem. You should allow a DNA test to settle his issue with paternity and then make a decision that will best serve your daughter.
Sorry to bring up the possibility of death but it can happen and your daughter should be protected (financially). Another issue that I thought of is child support. Either way, if it happens, it should be on his dime.
2007-09-16 23:30:38 · answer #2 · answered by CUrias 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have had a friend who went through this. There are many issues that you have to think about when it comes to things like this.
* Has he just now showed an interest in wanting his name included?
* What are his reasons for wanting it changed?
* Does he help financially, pay his child support?
* Is he willing to pay for the name change?
My friend went to court over this very issue. The father did not even live in the same state and saw his daughter only about 3 times a year.
The judge ruled that it was beneficial for their daughter to have his last name included.
Also the answer to this question depends a lot on what your reasons are for not wanting to hyphenate her name. If it is just that you are mad at him than that is no reason at all.
* What are your reasons?
* Is it that he does not make an effort?
* Or is there further reasoning?
I would love to help out more. If there is any information or questions you would like/ have let me know. Cases like this intrigue me as I am just finishing my law degree for family law in California.
Tanya Harding
friendsforever19761980@yahoo.com
2007-09-20 05:12:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be confusing to a little child to have a very long or hyphenated last name. Since your child already has a last name that they are used to and you are used to, it seems that there is no sense in changing it now. Especially since he doesn't see her very much. It seems like an odd thing for him to be adamant about to me. She is his daughter whether or not they have the same last name. If you don't really care one way or another then you could change it because it sounds important to him, but if not then leave her name alone. It is all up to you.
2007-09-16 23:29:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were married when the child was born, she should have had his last name in the first place. With only your last name it looks as if she was born out of wedlock. I would personally give her his last name (if he's willing to pay for the name change) if he is paying child support. I'd keep your last name in the middle. If he is not paying child support, I wouldn't change a thing. But she may resent you later for making her look like you were an unwed mother at the time of her birth. Giving her his last name reflects the fact that you were married when she was conceived.
2007-09-16 23:30:11 · answer #5 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. He didn't want anything to do with her then, so he can't come in and act like this great father to impress his new family. In fact, it's probably his new wife pushing him to do this to "heal' his relationship with his daughter. And if he even questioned whether or not she was his, why does he even want her to have his name? And depending on how long it's been, it may give your daughter problems trying to change it in school now. Besides, it's not her legal name and you would have to go through the legality of actually changing her name. I wouldn't. And there isn't anything he can do since he didn't ask about it before now.
2007-09-16 23:30:51 · answer #6 · answered by #1 Buckeye Fan!!!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like I would've done the same thing in giving your daughter your last name. Obviously He wasn't there to care to give an opinion at the time of her birth...Mentally or physically!!
I would leave her name as is ~ and IF he becomes more like a real father to her in the future, and she decides at some point that she would like to add his last name to hers ~ Only then (when she's old enough) would I let her make the decision...
You are already completely against it, so why go against your own feelings??
He'll just have to get over it........
Just my opinion.........
2007-09-16 23:50:04 · answer #7 · answered by Giddyup 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He questioned if she was even his?
I would tell him "Listen, since you had doubts as to if she was even your's to begin with, then I would suggest that you go to Court, get an order for a DNA test, pay for that DNA test, and when the results come in, we will both go to Court and we will go over all the time, effort, and financial assistance you have provided, and then I will pose the question to the child as to whether or not she would like to have her last name changed to match your's."
2007-09-16 23:30:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
From your perspective I can see that your ex is a real BIG jerk. I completely agree with you on that one. Your daughter may think otherwise though. She may see her Dad as this perfect heroic man. She is 50% of her father so its healthy for her to hold him in an esteemed light.
It will be extremely positive for your daughter to have your and her father's names attached to hers. She belongs to both of you (even though he's a moron). He may even take a more active role in her life and feel more connected to her if she carries his name.
Good Luck!
2007-09-17 00:03:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he had the audacity to question the paternity and he hasn't made any real effort to see her I'd tell him to forget it. Too little too late. If he really loves his daughter he'll see her regardless of her name. Besides for the majority of her life she isn't going to have either of your names if she decides to get married.
2007-09-16 23:31:16 · answer #10 · answered by jenny s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋