how do you cut people out of your life?

Question

I am divorced and i occasionally talk to mine and my ex's mutual friends, but i hate it. i talk to them and then they report to my ex. part of me wants to talk to them so i can hold on to the past but then another part of me says they chose there side and since they turned there back on me when i needed them most i should do the same. I am not a mean person but i think the most healthy thing to do is cut all ties, but i don't know how. They sometimes call, text and there on my myspace friends list. I just want to disappear without them noticing. any suggestions?

Answer 1

you dont answer the phone..you dont answer a text you get hardhearted and you stay that way..get a journal and you write down why you need them out of your life..when you are the most mad and the most hurt..when you feel you are starting to waiver on your decision you read that part where they hurt you.you didnt hurt them..you have the power to allow others to hurt you or you have power to heal yourself and move on..they chose their sides..now you do what is best for you

Answer 2

I was in your exact situation a few months ago... minus the marriage part. I feel the exact same way, you have to cut ALL ties. If you really want to disappear I truly suggest changing your phone number, your email address, and losing your myspace for a while. I know it sounds a bit extreme, but it's the only way to do it, otherwise moving on will be twice as hard. My ex and I also had mutual friends and they would report back and forth to us, until I finally said enough is enough. I had a heart to heart with them and let them know that in order to move on I needed to stop hearing stories about my ex. They understood and I haven't heard about my ex since. I'm not sure what exactly happened in your situation, but if you feel that they betrayed you then you should end your relationship with them as well. The quicker you let go the faster you'll move on.

Answer 3

Have you ever considered moving - PHYSICALLY!
Get the map out of the country you live in - or if you're feeling really bold the hole world - close your eyes and stick your finger on the map - open your eyes and as long as it's not the middle of the ocean - move there and start again. Of course, being as you've got a baby girl that makes it more difficult in one respect, but more easy in another - she' so young, she won't know any different and won't have made any serious friends yet if at all! Tell you parents what you're going to do of course and maybe get their advice - but just GO GO GO and leave it all behind. If you're divorced and he has to pay you maintenance for the child, which if he doesn't he should - you can get him to pay that to you parents and they can forward it on to you. As to the child's father seeing his child - well you can cross that bridge when she's a bit older, unless he's got visitation rights, then of course it's more complicated, but doesn't necessarily mean you still can't go.

The main thing is to put some mileage between you and your past - unless of course you really don't want to be divorced and then that's a whole new can of worms!!!

Answer 4

I have went through the same thing with my ex. The only way to do it without comming out say saying so is to seem busy and ignore them. I'm telling you from experience that they HAVE picked their side and they just talk to you to be nosey!

You can fix the Myspace thing by either changing your settings, deleting them from your friends list or starting a new page and leaving that one on but not active.

You can change your telephone number without telling them or just not answer the phone when they call or text.

If you do talk to them, tell them you are going to be extremely busy with work or something and that they may not hear from you for awhile. Maybe during that time they will take the hint, or you will drop out of their radar.

If all else fails, just tell them how you feel, and let them know that you just want to move on, which is what I did.

It is not healthy to stay in relationships like this because you know in your heart you can never trust or confide in these people which is one of the main reasons we all make friendships to begin with. They do not need to know your business and be reporting it to your ex. He decided to not be part of your life anymore, so he has no right to know what you are doing with it. You need to let him know that, and tell him to butt out!
Best of luck ;o)

Answer 5

You can send a final text, email or myspace mail that you need space from people in your past and wish them well. Then block them from your email, don't answer their texts- make sure you delete without reading! and set your my space to personal. Make new friends and concentrate on your forward path. If you run into the old friends and they question you, tell the truth and say you needed to break with the friends shared by your ex. It was no longer comfortable.

You can't disappear without anyone noticing, but you can make it as clean a break as possible without a lot of drama or fanfare.

Answer 6

What you really need to ask yourself is...why are YOU holding on to THEM? Why would you want to "hold on to the past." You hate it but you hold on to it? These are not your friends anymore. You are holding yourself back from starting over fresh. You are right, the most healthy thing is to cut ties. Delete them from your myspace friends list and make your myspace private. Change your phone and cell phone number. Move on! For your own sake! There's a world out there waiting for you to show up!

Answer 7

No way of doing it quickly without them noticing. The easiest, but most expensive is to move. Change address, phone, e-mail, etc.

The hardest (but also the best) is to come right out and tell them that it is just too awkward and you don't think you and they should remain in contact. Then change your web stuff and start putting up blocks. Get caller ID and don't answer their calls.

A manipulation technique: Make them angry and they will drop you! Be rough and tell them you don't appreciate them whining to your ex about every little detail of what you talk to them about.

What ever you decide to do about it, they will notice.

Or is there really a side of you that wants them to go running back to your ex about you?

Answer 8

I remember going through this when I was in the process of divorce. To cut all ties and end it, just don't bother with them anymore. They aren't your true friends if they take what you say back to your X. Just don't bother answering their calls or texts and take them off of your myspace friends list.

Answer 9

Edit them off your MySpace Friends list. Don't call them. Don't respond to their e-mails or text messages.

Don't call them and if they call you, be polite but not warm. Same if you meet them. Don't be rude, just don't encourage them. If they ask why, tell them that you don't appreciate them acting as informers to your ex-husband.

Dividing friendships is one of the toughest parts of a divorce. Other than the friends I had before we married, my first wife got all our mutual friends.

Doc

Answer 10

I think the most healthy thing to do is cut all ties, as you've said.
just to call them or respond so soon to there calls,texts or e-mail's.over time contact will be less and less.
On the other hand, if you want nothing to do with them just stop all comunication with them.
You want zipp fromthem so who cares what they think. They turn there back on you in the first place.

Answer 11

well just stop talking to them dont talk to them on your myspace but keep them added on and dont answer the phone calls from them and dont go out with them just kinda keep your distance, when my husband went into rehab thats what i did and then i moved to a different city when he came back but i cut all the ties between all the friends we had and made new ones its so much better now