Would you be mad? please read it's very gossipy though I will warn you?

Question

There is this long marriage problem of our neighbors/friends. Trying to keep it short she cheated and he found out and he even knows details. At first he was trying to get through it as she said it was over. There have been many fights and the poor kids see and poor kids know everything. I have always said I didn't want to be in the middle but have still been told tons of stuff. I do however want to be there for the kids (mine play w/ them and have for 7 yrs). Yesterday the hubby has said it is over finally and he wants a divorce which he hasn't said yet. He believes it is not over from phone bill evidence. Anyway he came to my door tonight,after several fights you can't help but overhear and police cars 3 times this weekend; and he wanted me to drive him around the block to meet a friend and she was walking in front of my house in the dark. I didn't want my kids to hear and he was beggin me to take him as he said she attacked him in my front yard.
I know this is long but hold on ---

So I didn't really want to but I didn't want my kids to hear what was going on and if they are being violent than isn't it best to separate from each other? When I got back w/in 5 minutes or less she had all the outside lights off and I would of talked to her as I thought I heard her say something but it was very dark. I think she is mad don't you? I mean their story is a book now but I kind of wonder why she didn't say anything to me as I was at the door w/ him and she just went walking by and not toward home, it was like she knew he was going that way in which he was just trying to meet his friend and only went home to get his shoes for the midnight shift.

I forgot to mention that even thought I have told them both probably 25 times I didn't want to be in the middle that is what happened, I forgot to mention that just a few hours ago I was listening to her too. This just sucks and I didn't want violence, basically I will have to tell them to kiss my behind I guess since they are quite crazy.

Answer 1

Are you asking if you should be mad at your friend, or if you should be mad because they keep putting you in the middle of all this? Well, all you can do is listen. If you've asked them both not to put you in that position, what else can you do?

Answer 2

OK, much good advice already given. Here's my take: You give lip service to caring about the kids, but your scenarios mention only your interaction with the adults.

This couple has burdened you with too much information. He is hurting and looking for comfort. She is probably trying to save face and her anger toward you is really misdirected anger she's not ready to apply to her own actions.

Unfortunately, you have already gone in way too deep. You need to pull back and repeat as needed: "I'm sorry I know as much as I know. Please take this to a counselor, for your own sake." Then offer to keep the kids so that one or both of these two can go to counseling. Regarding the incidents, just take the kids when that stuff is happening. Get them in the car and away from the ruckus. These two need to separate immediately, if not sooner. They are too blinded to see the harm they are doing those children, who do need you.

Answer 3

I'm sorry their kids are privy to all these dramatic scenes too. It sounds like the sooner they are separated, the better. I think you're getting angry because you got involved but if I read your question correctly, you have concerns for the kids too.
So just tell them - since they are telling you so much - that it is the children who concern you, not their squabbling and fighting. Tell them flat out that divorce is meant to make a clean break of messy situations just like this. You wish them luck in divorce court but they are going to have to calm down and proceed like adults to legally dissolve their marriage.
I sympathize with their poor kids, too.

Answer 4

Stay as far away from this as possible. Be like Switzerland, neutral. If you help one then the other will feel as though you have picked a side. If they want to talk to you do so at your comfort. If you feel like it isn't going to be comfortable decline the offer to talk. By comfortable I mean, if they are not going to get out of hand at your house. You can talk to them about things but try to stay out of the disfunctional marriage portion of their life.

As far as the children still allow the children to play together. Just try to stay out of the fight situation. If you notice they are getting violent when your children are playing with their children quickly take your children back home. You do not want to involve your children in a negative situation.

Answer 5

i am in the same situation with my neighbor who also cheated on her husband and they ended up getting a divorce. i was firm with her and i told her that i am not taking sides and i am not going behind anyones back. i told her that i was not interested in her personal life and what she does behind closed doors is her business. what u should do is tell both of them that u are not taking sides, u dont have an opinion and that you will be there for both of them equally.

Answer 6

Sounds as if they both have problems and they should solve their own problems. Its not fair to you and your children.
First of all no-one should ever get involved in any ones personal business. It makes enemies, and there is a chance you may be pulled into court to testify.

Answer 7

Tell both parties you are not going to be involved and then keep to this. You aren't helping the situation.

Answer 8

well you did get into the middle by taking him or whateer and that is why shes angry. you need to stay out of it and there is nothing more to say. just get out of it and be done with it its bad enough when one is fooling around and its very sad. i woldn't touch it with 10 foot pole. take care.

Answer 9

Stay away I know its hard but don't get involved as you're making it worse!

Answer 10

waste of time.