2007-09-16 13:41:23 · 11 answers · asked by ogmomo2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
try and remind him (and yourself) of the reasons he fell in love with you in the first place....why did you fall in love with him... and what are the reasons you still love him now? do you guys still go on dates? start to try new things.... sorry to ask but has your bedroom relations suffered too? maybe you should talk to him he might be able to give you a direct answer... then again you might just be paranoid..... if it helps any i once seen on a court show and the judge was asked how her marriage has last so long.... and she said its because they've never fell out of love at the same time... so hang in there.... good luck!
2007-09-16 13:56:19 · answer #1 · answered by chrysteena 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good question! If he fell in love with you once, it is possible it can happen again - but somehow it takes a little more WORK this time around. First, you need to get away together somewhere - at least for a few days - where no one can reach you - no friends, family, etc. (except maybe giving an EMERGENCY only number to one VERY trustworthy person IF you have children left at home). It should be a place you both will enjoy, can relax, reconnect, and do some of the things you used to do when you first fell in love. Get a book of silly questions filled with topics that couples can use to start intimate conversations. Hold hands; go for long walks together. Bring along some romantic CD's to set the mood in your hotel room to short circuit the urge to turn on the TV. In short, spend time focused on each other - not on anyone or anything else. Even a few days of this should set you on the right path.
2007-09-16 15:25:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can set up a day that all you do is think about memories. Redo all the things that made you fall in love in the first place. Maybe by doing that you can re connect again.
Maybe you guys are just busy in your daily routine. Surprise each other sometimes, do spontaneous things that the other likes. Go out on dates again. Remember the first time you each said I Love you, the first time you kissed, the first time you made love, ect.
Hope that this works. Hope you guys fall back in love.
2007-09-16 13:52:59 · answer #3 · answered by Mom_of_2 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Do what you used to do,whatever that was. You have an extra advantage now, you know him better than you did the first time he fell in love with you. If you used to spring unexpected sex on him do it again, if you used to leave little notes in his luggage or car or whatever, do it again. Use your memory and imagination, you can do it...another way to look at the situation is to stop doing things that you do now, that you did not do before... Whinning, complaining, starting arguments, being too tired to you know what, or having chronic headaches,,,,you get the point. We are rather simple beings, you don't have to move heaven and earth to get us to notice you.... Think back on how you acted and how you looked and things that you used to say,,use your experience with him to make him feel alive and important,,,I'll bet you are the one for the job!!!!! **** Luck
2007-09-16 14:07:12 · answer #4 · answered by Lee B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you and your husband have anger issues that are unresolved? Repressed (pushed into your subconscious) or supressed ( anger that you know you have but are trying to hold in and hide) anger is one of the big reasons for people not "feeling" that they are "in love" any more.
The person may still love the person very much but either the "feelings" aren't there or the other person may avoid or act cold around the person they love.
If, this is the case, then the anger issues need to be resolved before "all" of the loving feelings return. Sometimes a GOOD marriage counselor can help a lot with this. In any case, a talk with your husband is necessary to find out what is going on with him.
If you tell your husband that you love him, want to stay married to him, and that his feelings are important,and he feels the same way; that is a good start.
After that, doing things with your husband that are fun for him are helpful at warming up his feelings towards you. Being kind and listening with interest is something that both men and women appreciate.
If you have gotten into the habit of criticising him; stopping that should help a lot.
Generally, sex is very important to a man. I don't think that most women know how important it is or if they do, they use withholding it, to manipulate their husband. Maybe your sex life with your husband is wonderful, I don't know.
But if it isn't, you might ask him if there are things he would like the 2 of you to try, that he hasn't spoke of. Maybe you have some ideas also. You don't want to do anything that is harmful or repulsive to either of you but maybe a little imagination on both your parts would spice things up enough to make a difference in how he feels about you. Who knows, both of you may find more of an interest in sex than you had before.
Please don't get me wrong, I am not assuming that you are doing anything "wrong". Just trying to look at possibilities that might answer your question.
The last thing that I will talk about is the necessity of each of you to think positively about the other one. I was married for 17 years before my wife left me and I know how thoughts about the one you love can change over time.
The complaint in the mind can change from, "That was a sloppy thing that he/she did."; to, "He/she is a very sloppy person."; to eventually, "Why in the world did I ever marry such a slob?"; to, "I can't live with that slob anymore!".
The initial action may have been just to get some bread crumbs on the floor. The actual action that caused the complaint may not have changed at all, just what the person thinks about the action has changed.
About six months before my wife left, she asked me to go to this marriage workshop with her. It used a book "Why marriages Succeed or Fail, And How You Can Make Yours Last", by John Gottman, Ph.D.
Part of the book talks about how to change the way you think about your spouse to the way you used to when you married him/her. Also about how to make a complaint to yourt spouse without it being a criticism of them as a person. I was amazed at how my feelings toward my now x-wife changed back to loving feelings when I conciously changed how I thought about her.
Unfortunately, my wife was so angry that she wasn't able to make herself do the exercises in the book. I highly recommend the book and if your husband and you are both interested in doing this, getting 2 copies helps as there are things that you will want to write in your book.
I know that this was a long answer and I could have said, bake his favorite pie and meet him at the door when he comes home from work wearing only a red ribbon tied around your waist in a bow, but I thought that, just in case, maybe you might be interested in a longer answer.
Before you try the red bow, I would find out first if he would like that type of thing or not. If he does and he gets home first; maybe you could go into the bedroom at some opportune time in the evening and come out like that to greet your husband in the living room or where ever he is.
Don't listen to those people who say just to dump him and move on. People like that will never have a marriage that lasts a lifetime. Troubles always come up and need to be resolved. I would never have left my wife. Obviously if someone is married to someone abusive, unfaithful, or a practicing alcoholic; they might have to consider leaving.
My best wishes to you and your husband.
2007-09-16 15:00:44 · answer #5 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first off think about the time when yall meet, do you still act the same way or did you make big changes after yall got together if you did then just try going back to the some of the way you were then
2007-09-16 13:56:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
it is impossible to force someone to fall back in love with u. i think u need to move on and possible file for a divorce. sorry that this has happen to u.
2007-09-16 13:46:42 · answer #7 · answered by Looking 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Show him respect, give him more attention to attend to his needs. You must be thoughful too and understand to his activities.
2007-09-16 16:55:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can i answer you when you give know detail as to why he stopped loving you,until you do i can't help sorry.
2007-09-16 13:53:31 · answer #9 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
take a trip together
go see a marriage counselor
take walks after work
fix a romantic meal
most importantly:
ask him if he wants to work on your marriage, and if so,, you both need to put down the facts, and work on it together toward a better tomorrow.
2007-09-16 13:54:31 · answer #10 · answered by Paige 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋