Me and my wife are fighting alot after having a baby?

Question

I don't understand why but me and my wife are always fighting over stupid petty things. Before we had the baby we hardly ever fought and now every little thing causes a stupid fight. I need help in understanding what is wrong with our relationship.

Just to add a detail the baby just turned 6 months old.

Answer 1

Your wife is probably totally exhausted after having the baby, and to care for an infant is a 24 hour job, and unfortnately when a baby has arrived in the family the husband often feels like he has been pushed to the back burner. You are used to having your wife all to yourself and now though difficult you have to share her with a baby.This will all get better has time goes on it is very normal for this to happen. I would try to help your wife as much as you can so she isn't feeling so overwhelmed, and express your feelings to her as well and let her know that you need a little more alone time together, better yet see if someone you trust can watch the baby for a couple of hours so you and your wife can at least be alone for awhile. It is very important to not stop working on keeping your relationship alive while raising children. Eventually the children grow up and go on with their own lives. Don't give up there is nothing wrong we all go thru this, it is all in how you choose to handle it that makes the difference. Congrats on the little one, and Good luck to you.

Answer 2

This is a good answer I found with a previous similar question that was asked it was the Best Answer. Answered by call me babs:

Here's the thing, every couple experiences problems once the baby comes.

When the man hears that he is about to become a father, he is overjoyed beyond compare. He will cater to the mother of his child as if there were no tomorrow. There is so much anticipation concerning the coming of the newborn. Neither can wait for the child to be born. They prepare a room for this little creature and they think they have all the bases covered.

Well then the kid arrives screaming its little butt off and it demands and it demands and it screams and it screams and it makes such a mess. If it's not soiling the diaper that you just put on, then it's barfing up its dinner right down the front of your shirt or down your back. You may change your clothes more often than you will the child's. You feed it and it screams while you are feeding it. You know the kid is so tired, so why doesn't it just shut up? You are so tired that you don't know which way is up. All day long, you are cradling this little thing and trying to get it down for a nap, but as soon as you put the baby down, it wakes up and it all starts all over again.

You can't get supper done and if you do, it's probably burnt to a crisp and your husband gets annoyed. Nothing gets done. And when it's bedtime, the kid is still screaming and if by chance the little one does fall asleep, you do not feel sexy and want to have sex because we know what can happen. The kid will wake up and the husband thinks you should just ignore the brat and continue having a good time with him. But, the crying makes you nuts and so you get out of bed and take care of the little one. To make matters worse, your husband seems to hate you because you no longer have time for him. He is actually jealous of his own child. He thinks you would rather spend ALL your time with the kid. In fact, he may even accuse you of using the kid as an excuse not to cater to his needs.

Welcome to parenthood. You and your husband need to realize that you have a demanding little person to fill your days and nights. It is a great responsibility and you both must be calm and loving and until you both realize that it will never end, it is you who have to make the adjustment. You are no longer a couple. There's a third wheel that you both have put into the mix. One night, the kid will sleep through the night and you will experience bliss once again. When that happens, you will begin to notice that it's not so bad having the kid around.

The secret is to just relax. It is what it is. You have a baby now and for the first year of its life, it will be hard on you. Trust me when I say that it's an adjustment for the baby as well. The kid didn't ask to be born. It owes you nothing, rather you owe it everything

Answer 3

Fighting After Baby

Answer 4

Unbelievable how a baby changes your lives and your relationship literally upside down, eh? Well, its happened to most of us with the first. I wouldnt sweat it too much; once the baby and you both get into a routine, things should be better. None of us realizes how much our world changes until u have a baby; the sky opens up and then u understand the reasons y your parents did what they did with u.

It is probably the stress of it all that is the problem. And lack of sleep, and not knowing wtf to do with this helpless, precious little human being.

So, i would say that there isnt anything wrong with your relationship. Baby makes 3, so now your relationship is going thru changes to accommodate the new addition. Note that your wife's hormones are going haywire too - the 'baby blues' are for real. Depression is very common after a woman gives birth. Be patient with her if she flies off the handle. Draw her a bubble bath, give her a massage, remind her that she is still the beautiful woman that you married. If you have the $, get a spa gift certificate for her to get a pro massage, facial, mani/pedi or hair styled.

Remember to make the time to still go out on a date, without #3, even for a coffee. It would be a good destressor to get one of the grandparents to look after jr. Treat you and your wife with a dinner out. Even if she is breastfeeding, you can get out for at least a couple of hours, if you have a mature, responsible sitter.

Answer 5

I think the problems are coming from the stress of having a new baby. They require so much of your time and it is so hard having a new baby..why don't you and she sit down and talk about how you don't like fussing and fighting and you want things to change. Maybe one evening you can look after the baby while she takes a long bubble bath and relax .. Then the next night she can look after the baby while you do somehting you enjoy. Please talk to her, I know she will understand... Maybe on the weekend, you could get a sitter and take her out to a nice dinner., Don't give up. I know it can all get better but first ....the two of you will have to find your way back to one another...

Answer 6

Having a baby is a huge change in your lives. You are both probably more tired and stressed. The hardest part about having children is making time for each other and staying close as lovers/friends because your priorities and time requirements change. Just be patient with each other and realize this is a big adjustment in life. Make time for each other and talk often. Having a child should be an extension of your love, so it's important to keep that love between the two of you!

Answer 7

Having & caring for a new baby is a
tremendous strain. Most of it falls on her.
She's at the beck and call of a merciless
little tyrant 24 / 7.
If you can find a babysitter, try to give her
a break as often as you can. Get her out
to dinner or a movie once in a while.
Take care of the kid and send her out
shopping one day on the week-end.
(Expensive, but might be WELL worth it.
I didn't believe the change in my wife.)

It might also be post partum depression.
that's a matter for her physician. Be very
careful how you bring this one up.

Answer 8

Having a baby, although a wonderful experience, can cause a lot of stress. Your wife's hormones levels have dropped a large amount and she may be having a hard time adjusting. Try to be understanding. She may be experiencing some post-partum depression. Have her ask her doctor about her iron levels and maybe some medication. Good luck, dad!

Answer 9

Put the baby to bed early one night and then draw her a nice bubble bath and join her. Or let her wake up to a rose on her pillow and a card telling her you love her and tell her to come down stairs.. That is where you will have breakfast ready.. Make her feel wanted and needed andloved.. If that stress is there the woman will resent you try to alleviate that stress.. Take over some of the baby duties and let her take a nap. maybe this will alleviate some of the arguing too

Answer 10

The latest studies show that while couples' satisfaction with marriage does generally decreases after having a baby, this is only temporary and short-term, so take heart.

It's hard to tell for sure what the problem is without you providing more detail (like, for example, who initiates fights most often?), but here are some of the things that may be going through your wife's mind:

1. "I had more sleep when I was in college."
2. "Sex hurts and I can't stop thinking about the baby."
3. "I am overwhelmed with worrying about whether my baby is reaching all his milestones."
4. "I am unattractive. My husband must hate me."
5. "I wear dumpy clothes and my breasts are leaking. My husband probably thinks I'm gross."
6. "I need a drink, but I am breastfeeding."
7. "I still can't fit into my skinny jeans."
8. "I'm a slave to the baby. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life in the nursery wearing a bath robe."
9. "My husband loves the baby more than me."
10. "Must you really keep eating ice-cream in front of me, knowing how hard I'm trying to fit into my skinny jeans?"
11. "I am sick of being at home all the time."
12. "I am just majorly stressed out, and you are the only one I can pick on."

With that in mind, I have the following suggestions for you:

- Don't add fuel to the fire. If you yourself snap at your wife a lot, think about what is really causing it.
- Set aside a daily time slot of a couple of hours when you and your wife spend time doing things together like you used to (e.g., watch a movie). Make it a rule NOT to talk about the baby during that time.
- While the baby is small, reduce the number of non-baby-related household chores to an absolute minimum.
- Make your wife feel attractive and desired. After 9 months of pregnancy and several months of post-partum weight battles, new moms really need that. Make sure she understands she isn't just the baby's caretaker in your eyes.
- Assume the responsibility for one night-time feeding (feed by bottle), so that your wife can sleep a little more. This is one favor that goes a very long way.
- Involve the family or hire a baby-sitter to give you and your wife a day off every once in a while. Make it a rule not to talk about the baby during that time.
- Hire someone to come in and clean the house once in a while. With the baby taking up so much of mom's and dad's time, the house probably isn't as immaculate as it used to be -- and that can be very upsetting to someone spending most of her days in it.
- If your wife is having problems shedding her baby weight, understand that this is a MAJOR source of anxiety for her, especially if she was slim before. Confront the problem together, it really helps.
- Post-partum sex can be a delicate issue. Be sure that you are both frank about it and can discuss it without getting impatient with each other. Things will improve as long as you communicate.