i called my ex up because i was missing him and just wanted to talk. i ended the relationship, but we both still have feelings. he was heavy into drugs and alcohol when we got together, and cutting, so i broke up with him. hoping to hear he calmed down, i called and he told me that he wasn't smoking pot as much, but started doing cocaine. i was horrified, so i broke the news that i was thinking of getting my ged or graduating early because i wasn't feeling challenged in school and i want to work before i go off to college.
his exact response -
"if you leave, i will get worse. i'll start smoking again and drinking more. honestly, i'll kill myself if you're not around."
what do i do? i'm so scared and i feel so trapped...
2007-09-16 13:24:22 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell someone close to him what he said so they are aware of it but do not let him emotionally blackmail you into staying with him. He is sick and you didnt cause that. You cant babysit him for the rest of your life and give up your life for him. He is laying this guilt trip on you to keep you there. Worst scenario is if you left and he did die, well, you didnt cause his sickness and you are not his slave so its not your fault. You need to cut off all communication with him so you can move on with your life. Just make sure you do tell someone what he said. If it was me I would tell the police because they will go see him and evaluate the situation and make sure he gets to a hospital ward if they think he needs to go.
Do not feel guilty.
2007-09-16 13:33:31 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely nothing you can do to make him get better. He has to do all the work himself and it isn't easy. If you are still in high school, this is no task for you to tackle. Go to your parents, a counselor at school or the hotlines to talk to somebody.
I know it is hard, but you have to try to stay away from him so he won't be pushed into proving threats. That is what they are.. threats to keep your attention. If you play the middle like you have been, he might just force himself to do something drastic.
He isn't thinking clearly if he is on drugs and his problems are just too much for you to carry. He needs professional help and if he threatens suicide again, take it serious and call 9-1-1. You won't know when it is serious, so take every threat serious. At least he will get some attention and maybe some help.
2007-09-17 09:41:13 · answer #2 · answered by peggy m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are being sucked in by someone who had emotional problems long before you met them... they are also an addict... as you probably already figured out, addiction means more to the addict than his or her loved ones... and no one can stop an addict from drinking or doing drugs -- except themselves.
i think that it might be a good idea for you to check out the Alanon website, first... then Narcotics Anonymous. Both of these groups might provide you some insight, and even more insight if you attend some meetings.
You will discover you are not alone in your plight, and many others suffer the same stuff. Alanon is a support group for people whose lives have been affected by an alcoholic. I used to go, and I sat there and heard others tell MY story... i wasn't alone!
Narcotics anonymous has "open"meetings quite a lot, and you are welcome if you are not an addict. You can listen, ask questions, etc.
I dont' know if these would be helpful for you, but just suggestions...
If you leave him and he gets worse, it's NOT YOUR PROBLEM! The guy has some emotional problems and they won't go away by themselves, and you can NOT change them.
Take care of YOU... you will learn what this means when you go to Alanon.
You can also do a websearch on DEALING WITH AN ADDICT, DEALING WITH AN ALCHOLIC. or LIVING WITH AND ADDICT, etc.
Lots of helpful websites out there...
2007-09-16 21:09:00 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex is an addict. He's manipulating you because that's what addicts do, & "I'm going to kill myself if you....." is the ultimate attempt at manipulation.
I have lived with addiction in my family for years, gone to meetings at addiction centres for co-dependants (that's people like you'n'me) & heard stories just like yours time & time again.
First I want to congratulate you on accomplishing something that usually takes most of us a lifetime to achieve when our loved ones bocome addicted to a substance or behaviour, & that is you MOVED ON.
Well...almost anyway. I noticed you called him your ex. That is a good thing for both of you. Your decision to make him a part of your past is about the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. But staying in touch with him, & allowing him to play on your guilt strings is not healthy at all.
Let's get one thing straight here. YOU didn't force him to get heavy into drugs & alcohol, & YOU were out of the picture when he made the decision to start on cocaine, & I promise you he'll get worse on his own WHETHER OR NOT YOU STAY.
I know this is a person you obviously care deeply about. But his problem really isn't your responsibility. You have a right to be scared for his welfare, but if you feel trapped by HIS situation, it's because YOU have chosen to feel that way.
So what do you do?
Get your ged, go get your job, & leave or whatever you need to do to look after yourself, you aren't trapped unless you let him do that to you. OK?
2007-09-16 20:53:01 · answer #4 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He really needs medical attention!! You are not a professional and to get caught up with this mentally disturbed individual is weighing you down. For him to try and control you in that way is cruel to say the least. Just like one of the other answerers stated call his parents, school counselor or your parents. I would have said, tell him to name his potion or method to go ahead and kill himself but as I've studied in college, you do not dare a mental person because they will actually do it. He is ASKING for help by telling you he will kill himself if you leave, so do that and seek assistance from authority figures.
2007-09-16 20:34:56 · answer #5 · answered by ♥♥JDub♥♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You get away from this guy as fast as you can. He will always have an excuse for what he does, and will stop you from making something of yours. You might do him a favor by getting away, then he knows that he cannot control you with threats. He also will continue to use and then after awhile, it will all be your fault, and then he will start attacking you. Do not let him put the monkey on your back.
2007-09-16 20:43:25 · answer #6 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop communicating with him. Providing that listening ear is preventing him from getting the professional help that he needs. As long as you are around, he is going to come to you vs. getting help. This is a very dangerous situation and it can easily backfire. Stay, and he may still commit suicide, leave, and he may commit suicide, if he wants to commit suicide and you intervene, he may come after you instead.
I've been there, I've seen the backfires, I've witnessed the bloodshed. Two people came after me after I intervened in their attempted suicides, and got help - police, ambulance, so forth. I now know that this is an attempt to have control over you, he's forcing you to keep you in a relationship you don't want to be in. Stop talking to him. Agree to go with him to seek counseling, encourage him that there's nothing wrong with going to get counseling, and after that, back out. If he doesn't want to accept your offer of taking him to the initial appointment, get out of there, and fast. I know how stressful this situation can be. Protect yourself, because you are also in harm's way by being the listening ear.
2007-09-16 20:39:56 · answer #7 · answered by LeAnn S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO you love him or just afraid to leave? If you love him stand by him and get him help. If you are just afraid to leave then just leave. Don't turn back, completely loose touch with him. You will never know what became of this loser but at least you will be able to live your life for you instead of dying for him. He says that he will kill himself if you leave but if you stay he will end up taking your life. Don't let him do this to you. Love him or let him go. It is hard to wait for someone to change there ways, if you are going to do this then make sure he is worth what ever part of your life that you will waste for him.
2007-09-16 20:35:19 · answer #8 · answered by curious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't stay in this relationship. he'll only bring you down with him. if he wants to kill himself because you're not in his life, he's just damn stupid and you know what, we really don't need people like that on this earth. it's all these people who are addicted to drugs and alcohol that makes this world a horrible place. he can't control his addiction...well that's too bad and he should have never started and he will bring you down with him and you don't want to fall in his path. you do what you can to better yourself and become strong and independent because when you have an education and can be by yourself no one can stop you in this world because you dont' need to depend on anyone
2007-09-16 20:38:49 · answer #9 · answered by coldplayfan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's trying to manipulate you. You are not responsible for him. Live your life and let him live his. He's just trying to hold on to you any way he can. It's not a good relationship if you are not happy and he trying to force you to stay in this life. He is a control freak . I suggest that you stick with your original plan. He needs to stand up and be a man, and take responsibility for his on actions.
2007-09-16 20:45:18 · answer #10 · answered by Precious 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋