A 44yr old man 'married' to a beautiful 24 yr old woman. Have been together for 6 1/2 years with 3 beautiful children, all girls age 8, 6 and 2 1/2.
Nice Home, happy healthy relationship apparently and great sex life ;) .
Man cheats on his 'yummy mummy' who loves him more than anything. Why?
Man says he loves his wife and Only his wife and denies the affair to an extreme. He is cheating on her...proven fact
Why do you suppose he's maintaining the affair with the girl on the side?? And~ how can I gain back his full attention?
I love him a lot and don't plan on separating from him. I know he loves me deeply as well. He treats me like a queen, except for the cheating (which he denies and hides it very well from me) Should I ignore it.. I don't want to.
2007-09-16 13:18:45 · 16 answers · asked by busymum 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for all the answers so far. I'm really confused about all of this.
Jess: Yes he IS cheating and unfortunately there is undeniable proof. He just doesn't know that I have it and I don't want to present him with it just yet, however it really hurts the way he can look right into my eyes and lie. Thanks for the tips about spicing it up. I was thinking he might be bored a bit, although our sex life is Great :P Maybe something new will make it better?
2007-09-16 13:31:09 · update #1
JiveyBaby: "yummy mummy" is His nickname for me, so is "Beautiful" And I'm not on a high horse. My self esteem is actually quite low right now, but people do say that I am an attractive girl. Everyone is beautiful to someone.
2007-09-16 13:34:46 · update #2
No, you absolutely should not ignore it.
I admire your intent to stay with him, but until he admits the problem, it won't get better.
You need to insist on counseling. If he won't go, go yourself to learn why you would even consider tolerating this behavior.
2007-09-16 13:23:49 · answer #1 · answered by Sooner 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well maybe he's telling the truth, do you have proof of the affair? If you don't have proof you really can't say he's lying.
What has he done to make you think he's cheating? There is a big age difference, so if you think the sex life is going bad, that could be the reason, not so much an affair. But if he's still having sex with you and you are still turning him on, I can't see why he would be cheating.
Maybe you need to try spicing things up a bit...plan little dates with just you and him, dress up at night, give him a massage when he comes home from work.
2007-09-16 20:24:11 · answer #2 · answered by Jess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds fishy to me. I would have to see the proof first. BUT hear is the question that needs answering. He treats you like a queen, loves you deeply, everything is apparently happy healthy AND great sex life???? I don't get it. Again, I would have to see the proof first. Now, if you are happy, if you are getting all of the sex you want and need, if he is a good provider, if he is a good father, if you are happy with everything else, and IF he hides it very well, how hard would it be for you to ignore it and just live happy? I know this sounds strange but there are a lot of abused, battered, abandoned mothers and women out there that would KILL for your position if he hides it well and everything else it happy and healthy.
No, you don't have to accept the cheating but yours is a tough question. You can confront him with the proof but will that change anything but you will be single and without him and raising 3 kids on your own.
Some people have open marriages which you can discuss with him as well. If he can have an affair, so should you. But you had better have picture proof and not just the testimony of another woman. (women lie too and are jealous and hormonal) Does he have a twin? Or someone that looks a lot like him? Good luck but If everything is happy other than his VERY discreet affair, I might have to over look it for now. But keep the proof and gather more for the right time to file for divorce. Get your life and job in order in preparation to leave. You have time and you are still young but I wouldn't have anymore kids until this issue is settled.
2007-09-16 20:38:14 · answer #3 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i dont mean to pick on details, but you are 24 with an 8 year old child???? meaning you got preganat at 16 meaning that was statuatory rape????? i mean you did say he is 44. alittle sick and explains a lot.
"Nice Home, happy healthy relationship apparently and great sex life ;) ." -YOUR preception, not his.
you seem to be alittle confused to me. you are saying he treats me like a queen. well cheating is a BIG deal and goes to show he doesnt care much about you. you are and were a child to him, you had kids and thats it. he wont leave you coz clearly you are working for him. you are safe and probably a good show off.
i dont think you can gain his full attention coz you never had it... you were preganant and with kids most of the time.
i showed your question to my husband and my dad who is 50 years old had an affair recently. men cheat because something in the existing relatiosnhip is not workign for THEM. to you it might seem normal, to them its not. they maintain it because they can, because you are not stopping it. and because even if you do its not like you will kick him out, you depend on him too much. you are 24 i doubt you went to college or worked. so you are stuck there
2007-09-16 20:49:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to see that you are going through this. Having a cheating husband is a very painful thing to deal with.
Are you a Christian? Is this the first marriage for both? The reason I ask is because I will be posting some Christian links that will show you how to stand for your marriage and for your husband. Your husband has been caught in a trap by Satan who wants nothing more than to take your husband to hell and rip your family apart.
If this is yours and your husband's first marriage, then you are covenant mates and you are not allowed to divorce. I am aware of the exception clause in Matthew, but that is a translation error from Greek to English. The correct translation is fornication regarding the Jewish espousal period. There is no biblical reasons for divorce period, if you are covenant spouses.
Ok, now what to do? You need to pray for your husband (especially with his name in scriptures). Pray for hedges of thorns around your husband and this woman. You need to fast. This is serious spiritual warfare! Your husband is caught in Satan's trap. Your husband is NOT the enemy. Satan is the enemy.
The bible says we are to win them over without a word. Do NOT speak harshly, argue, nag etc etc. Be a loving wife. Start making your kids behave if they are not behaving.
Check out the links below to help you understand what standing for marriage is about and the prayers to pray over your husband. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me.
2007-09-16 20:33:46 · answer #5 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are 100 percent sure of the affair, you have to confront him with the proof. The only reason I see for a man, specially his age to cheat on a 24 year old woman is that she gives him something you don't. Try to find out what it is. Is she giving oral sex? Is she fulfilling his fantasies? Your job is to find that out. Ask him point blank. Tell him to level with you. Is she younger than you? Is she prettier than you? Have you seen her? In 75 percent of all male cheaters the reason they do it is for the lack of sex or attention from their wives. But you said that in your relationship that's not the case. So it has to be something he is getting for her that he doesn't get from you. Find out. I wish you luck.
2007-09-17 00:22:43 · answer #6 · answered by Ricardo R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you doing with this loser? You are beautiful and 24. If you are not enough for the old loser than he will never be satisfied with one woman. Once a cheat always a cheat. You wll not get him to stop so you need to decide if you want to put up witht that until he can't get it up no more. Or you leave find a yummy 25 year old sweetie and collect child support from the 44 year OLD LOSER!
2007-09-16 20:26:32 · answer #7 · answered by curious 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What you're seeing is a "midlife crisis".
In the mid forties men realize that they're
getting old and will go to great lengths
to deny the fact.
Might even fear he no longer gives
satisfaction.
2007-09-16 21:16:03 · answer #8 · answered by Irv S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you see yourself as a yummy mummy i think u need to get off your high horse even if you are, because u are obviously thinking he should not cheat on you just for the fact you are alot younger than him, well there are younger girls that you out there, so don't be fooled. Do you have proof of the affair, if not. get some. and then decide wat to do from there.
2007-09-16 20:30:20 · answer #9 · answered by jiveybaby 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
u don't want an answer, you're just venting. u say in ur question that u don't plan on separating from him because of his cheating, well then just sit down, relax and wait for him to come home everytime he wants a fling with someone else. why is he doing it? because u let him, period.
2007-09-16 21:21:57 · answer #10 · answered by junkyarddogfan 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋