How do i help my mother in law cope after the death of her husband of 30 years? Please help soon!?

Question

He Passed away in july of terminal cancer, i was with him when he died and it was a relief to me because he was in so much pain! how can my husband and i help her to get to a better place, she is very depressed and just cries and is cranky all the time, its not her at all

Answer 1

Hi Mother-in-law drama,
I understand you completely. My mom was married to my dad for 40 years and when he passed away, half of my mom's soul seems to go with him from thereon. My mom followed in less than 2 years. And during those remaining years she had, she was merely a shell of her old self. But I've always asked my friends this question: "Would you prefer to have a happy marriage of let's say 30-35 years of bliss, then when one passed away, you cried & feel lost." or "You would rather have a rotten marriage, then when your partner dies, you hardly shed a tear"??? I'll take the 1st one anytime. This is the offside of being happily married for 30 years. The pain of separation and honestly it's not gonna be easy turning her around. Of course, the day will come when she will stop crying and will go through the motions of doing things. But if you would care to observe, there will always be that faraway look in her eyes. No amount of what you do can fill up that aching emptiness she has in her heart. She will feel it most when she's all alone at night..My advise is just do your best to minimize the depression. Take it slowly and this will take time. Find things for her to do..The last thing you need to leave her alone to her thoughts because that's when she will remember her husband

Answer 2

Move away or cut all contact with them other than what you feel you must for your kid sake. Tell them to keep there nose out of what is no longer there business. Tell every one the Truth as you see it and laugh at him he was a very stupid guy and really should get what is coming to him. Make him pay as much child support as you can get the lawyers involved and sue the little sod. Tell your kid what and why your husband has done what he has done and never ever take him back not even once. Your ex mother in law has no right to do what she is doing given for how long she knew about what was going on. She is trying to use the kid as a weapon against you that is very wrong. Get over the cheating sod and move on Good luck.

Answer 3

Healing can be a long slow process. Just be there when she needs you and try to get her out of the house once in a while (at least monthly but once a week is better for now if you can)

Do you have kids? Does she enjoy them? Maybe create babysitting situations once in awhile to get her mind off of dad.

Does she have other friends? Are they helping? Maybe work with them to get her thinking about life.

And there is always grief counseling but I favor family and friends as a solution.

Answer 4

Old people do not take change readily, and
your Mom has suffered a big one.
Support her and try to get her active
My Mother died in her 70s after 50 yr.s of
marriage my Dad was helpless for a while.
Eventually he got himself a girlfriend and they
were inseparable as long as she lasted.
There is hope.

Answer 5

Find her a support group, go with her until she no longer feels the need for you to go. Share your feelings about her husband with her, remind her that she was so fortunate to have all the time she did with him and now it's time for her to find herself again. Be supportive not judgemental and let her take her time to grieve, she lost a husband, you have yours, take a deep breath and put yourself in her shoes, how would you want to be treated? One step at a time and one day at a time. She's not going to just get over it, she needs love and patience!

Answer 6

Sometimes all you can do is be there for her. I mean it is hurtful losing a love one especially you soul mate. Just stick by her be a should for her to cry on and console her as much as you can.