i am involved with a married man. he says that he had problems in his marriage way before we ever met. he says he loves me and he sees a future together. he has children with his wife, but he thinks a divorce will happen in the future. am i stupid to be involved with a married man? i really do trust him and i believe that he loves me. his wife doesn't know about us, and i am okay with that. should i really trust what he tells me? is it possible that he is involved with me because he loves me, and not just because he is a typical cheater? should i worry about him cheating on me if we ever get married and become open about our relationship? i hear so many bad stories about married men, are they really as bad as the seem?
2007-09-16 12:50:22 · 43 answers · asked by <>< captivated 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't worry.
He won't cheat on you when you get married, because it will never happen.
You can defame the guy's character all you want for "being a cheater", but what about yourself?
I really don't understand how you women can totally remove yourselves from responsibility of being a party to something that is clearly wrong.
In any case, you should at least accept the fact that women who pick married men do so because of the unavailability of those men.
Why do THEY do it?
Well, that's a real easy one, but it would be better for YOU to find THAT out in therapy.
Men cheat for a variety of reasons.
Some of which are that their partner(the woman) has failed to, or has given up on, caring for their physical appearance after marriage to the degree where they become not only physically unappealing, but actually become repulsive (in part due to their own negligence of themselves).
If you want to judge all men as cheaters, then it would be best to use that same rule in regard to all women.
By your own actions then, you'll know that you should NEVER get married because there will ALWAYS be some lascivious woman in the wings trying to get their claws into someone who is not theirs.
You get what you give in this life.
Good luck
2007-09-16 12:55:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 10⤊ 2⤋
You hear alot of bad stories about married men, but think about this, the good stories about married men are not being told. The good stories become the bad stories once they are told.
Will this man cheat on you because he has cheated before? No. He will cheat on you because he is a man. But first lets really define "cheat". Cheating is a fling, a one night stand, a stewardess on a business trip.
What you two are involved in is way beyond cheating. You are orchestrating a long term relationship while hiding the whole thing. No man wants that kind of stress, and no wife would not be able to notice it if she gave a damn. If you two end up in a relationship together, if you drift away that far then after the stress and strain of his double life I'm sure he will just bail out.
Cheating or not is irrelevant, it really comes down to this. If you are the type of person who needs to be taken care of then find someone else. If you are the type of person who can take care of yourself, you may as well continue pursing this since you are already this far into it.
And maybe he is wondering the same things about you. Maybe he wonders if you have so little concern for the sanctity of his marriage you will have just as little disregard for your own. Maybe you should stop worrying about the moral constraints heaped on you by a society that wants to stick it's head in the sand when it comes to acknowledging the way people really feel and act. Maybe it is time to just start living your life as opposed to worrying about it.
Jump in with both feet and enjoy the ride, or embrace your fears and insecurities and run away forever wondering what would have happened if you had chosen to do something instead of choosing to do nothing.
2007-09-16 13:37:57 · answer #2 · answered by Ace Morningstar 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Would you still be having this affair if he told you things were great in his marriage, he's satisfied, secure and happy with his wife, that they have a good sex life he's just horny and wants some on the side?
I don't think so. I don't know of any decent woman who would. Hence the married man lies to you, gets your pity by telling you how unhappy he is at home so that you give it up and sleep with him on the side. Then he goes home to his wife and family.
Read the stuff on here about cheating men. Its all the same.
They never leave there wives and families, you are always second and end up hurt and alone in the end..period
You should break it off with him until he gets a divorce (if there's even one pending) or until you find an available man willing to put you first. You deserve so much better and so much more respect than this..so does his wife and children in my opinion
2007-09-16 14:51:13 · answer #3 · answered by busymum 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It saddens me to know that you are in such a complicated predicament BUT it's never too late to think things over and have a better prespective of the whole situation. First of all, being involved with a married man is not only morally demoralizing but it affects your spiritual, mental, emotional and physical well being. Are you sure this is want you want? Do you want to risk your self worth in a futile relationship? Sometimes when we are in love, we tend to forget the other people who are also involve in the situation. Would you live peacefully if your know his children will be devasted if they find out that their dad is unfaithful to their mom? Would you be happy knowing that you are the cause of a marital break-up? If the married man really loves you then he should get a divorce first before pursuing his relationship with you. I believe he owes this to you. Don't be too hard on yourself!!! But you have to love yourself a little more and do demand your guy to atleast inform you of his plans and where/when your relationship is leading. You may be just wasting your time on someone who doesn't really have to courage to let go of his family. Honestly I believe you are a good person and your have a bright future ahead of you. Do you want to give this all up? A married man should be decent enought to solve his marital problems before getting involve with someone else. He must not only think of his feelings and his future right now BUT he must take into consideration his children's future and YOUR future as well.
2007-09-16 13:12:06 · answer #4 · answered by addicted too 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Here we go again with another woman who believes a married man. My husband cheated on me with someone like you,why a married man when there are so many unmarried man out there. I fount all this stuff out later by my husband,he said he told her everything she wanted to hear in order to get what he wanted. Don't you know he is with you only for the sex nothing else wake up and smell the bull s h i t he is feeding you. My husband told her that we stopped having sex which by the way was a lie along with almost everything else he told her are you getting the picture. Of course you love him and you believe he loves you if you didn't then he wouldn't be doing such a good job on you now would he. We women can be pretty stupid at times when it comes to men. My husband spent every holiday with me and summer vacations what did she get but what was left over an hour here half of a Saturday that he said he was playing golf with his golf buddies. Does this sound familiar to you.
2007-09-16 13:01:42 · answer #5 · answered by Teenie 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Stop seeing him right away. It is never a good idea to get involved with a married person! If his marriage is so bad, why is he still in it? He would be divorced by now if that is what he really wanted. He wants his cake and eat it to and you are giving it to him. You are very stupid to be involved in his life. Get smart and dump him and find someone who is single. As to a couple of your questions. If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you too. Second marriages from affairs have a very slim chance of making worse than the normal of 50 percent. Yes married men that cheat are as bad as they seem!
2007-09-16 13:04:27 · answer #6 · answered by Dance 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
omg...yes it is really bad...seriously open your eyes do you think if he really loved you he would still be married?? he's getting the best of both worlds...stay away...honestly if he can't stay commited to his wife you think in the future he is going to stay faithful to you..he isn't now. he is disrespecting you and his wife.All people have problems in their relationship, but if their cheating they have no self respect and have low self esteem...and put your self in the wifes position how would you feel if you had kids and a husband but everytime he got mad at you he hooked up with some other girl and you didn't know...u think that he truly has no feelings for his wife...he did marry her and there still together he's an a**hole. stay away and find a single man how will give you his all...cause you may think theres a future but he has kids so even if he gets divorced theres still a chance hell get back with his wife for the sake of the children or hook up with her still when he visits the children...plus if he's talking to you hes probably talking to a million other girls as well and not telling you...he's not telling his wife so why wouldn't he not tell you...get out of it asap!!!
2007-09-16 13:08:57 · answer #7 · answered by stunna* 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You cant be that nieve , if he cheated on her nothing stopping him cheating on you but honey I am sorry to burst your bubble he doesnt love you , he's not leaving his wife for you , everything he has said to you about his sad sack life style is lies period it was his way of sucking you into his bed and time you realised this.
You are a cheater encourager honey and lowering your self respect will be your downfall.
Stop believing everything he tells you and tell him to either leave his wife or leave you easy as that.He doesnt know what love is and 9 times out of 10 they NEVER leave the wives for the skanks.
Its time BOTH the cheater and the cheater encourager were held accountable I am tired of hearing poor you and your so much better then this because if they were better then this then they wouldnt become the other woman.
I appologise if my own personal oppinion offends but I am entitled to my own oppinion.
2007-09-16 14:10:03 · answer #8 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you are an allowing yourself to be the Piece on the side. If he is really having marriage problems and it is that bad he would leave. As a woman you know if you and a boyfriend are fighting about something the last thing you want to do is have sex, right? Well his wife proably feels the same. You are his answer to solve this problem. And when things get better for them you won't be needed. Unless of course he is just wanting something different than what he has as home.
2007-09-16 13:01:40 · answer #9 · answered by luteachris 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
As a child of divorce (my dad cheated on my mother), i can honestly say that you are, what they call, "a homewrecker" in this situation. This man is half-to-blame too, but you need to end it, because he will only end it if he gets caught. Not all married men are cheaters, though... only the scumbag ones. those who "don't know any married men who nvr cheated" need to get some better friends. What you need is to get involved with someone who isnt with someone else, and stop being something that you Will Regret.
2007-09-16 13:37:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋