you search for heart's passion
but discover love's pain
give all your possessions
yet nothing to gain
the garden of eden
now desert's dry kiss
an angel's bright heaven
turned demon's abyss
dark shadow at noon
against stars at midnight
new birth leads to doom
and old death to new life
2007-09-16 12:50:04 · 5 answers · asked by Wallflower 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Although midnight and new life aren't a precise matching rhyme, they sound good together, at least to me, the meter is excellent. You have truly grasped the concept of writing a rhyming poem. A little punctuation might have helped, but I'm not sure it would have mattered. Well done. Have a star from me.
2007-09-16 13:06:17 · answer #1 · answered by Dondi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I loved your poem ; it was really good and made me think of life and how good and bad it can be at times,,,Thanks for sharing Shelly
2007-09-16 23:26:26 · answer #2 · answered by Cami lives 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awesome. People say im a good writer but WOW. You are great!
2007-09-18 16:09:16 · answer #3 · answered by gilmore4077 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"new birth leads to doom
and old death to new life"--- this part seems confused,nevertheless its well done.
2007-09-16 20:03:02 · answer #4 · answered by sean e 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it
2007-09-16 19:56:24 · answer #5 · answered by narlyknot 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋