Why do some mothers get jealous of their own daughters?

Question

I just want some insight into this, because I thought anyone in a healthy mental state would love their children and be proud of anything they were blessed with, instead of being jealous?
If you are a mom and find reason to be jealous of your daughter, can you tell me why, and if you think it is right?

Two examples:

I once saw a "Snapped" episode about a woman who ended up killing her daughters because she was jealous that they were so much thinner than she. She would force feed and abuse them constantly.
**If you don't know what Snapped is, it's a show that tells REAL stories of people who murdered others.

I noticed also that my friend's mother would be vicious about her large breasts. My friend told me her mom was always thin and had small breasts, and is self-conscious about them. The way her mom looked at her sometimes, you could tell she was bitter about it.

Answer 1

The biggest mistake I see women make with their daughters is passing on their own fears about their bodies and their limiting beliefs about what's possible. These beliefs are at the root of why mothers often try so hard to control their daughters’ behavior. And also why so many women use martyrdom and self-sacrifice to try to prove their worth and manipulate others, e.g. "If you really loved me, you'd build an apartment on your house for me so that I know I'd have somewhere to go when I get old and sick." Carl Jung, the famous psychiatrist, once said that the most potent force in a child's life is the unlived dreams of his or her parents. Some mothers make the mistake of trying to live out their own unmet needs through their daughters. Some are jealous of the freedom that their daughters have and they didn't.

The most important advice I have for mothers is this: do everything in your power to be an example of a healthy, happy, fulfilled woman! Even if doing so means that you can't always be there to do things for your daughter. In the end, a happy, fulfilled mother is the absolute best gift a mother can give her daughter — and such a mother provides a shining beacon of possibility for her daughter.

Answer 2

Your Mother does love you. She loves you as much as your Father only differently. What you are going through is very common between Mothers and Daughters. Fathers and Sons also have the same dilemma. You mother loves you differently that is all. Sometimes when a parent has very high hopes for their same sex child and expresses them it is often confused with jealousy. If your mother has never abused you as a child, think about it for a while. Parents want to live through their children. We want for them what we could never have. Daughters have always been the apples of daddies eyes. If a woman has not had a good father figure in her life this would be hard for her to see and understand. What we don't understand we fear as humans. You mother is just doing what she knows how. So she can't be in the wrong if she does not know better. Telling her this probably won't help her. She needs to learn this. Remember when it comes to family, don't sweat the small stuff and forgive them. If you can't who can?

Answer 3

well, it is possible that a mother would be jealous of her daughter because the daughter might have more than the mother had when she was a kid. like if the daughter has big boobs and is getting all the guys on the football team, and her mother was the girl with the small boobs getting all the nerds, then the mom would be jealous because her teen life was not as great and she would have been better off with what her own daughter has. Or lets say the daughter has one of the best cell phones in history like the razor, side kick, blackberry, or the i phone , and her mother didn't get a phone until just recently and the phone is a cheep little trac phone, then yes, that would be another reason.

Answer 4

Please don't confuse jealousy with lunacy. If a woman has grown up with strife and abuse about herself and has found a way through life without learning to love herself or has gotten into the habit of taking what she wants, such as a man, she might find herself picking men that find her daughters attractive and she feels she can't compete. There is alot missing in her upbringing and she never matured. The fact that one woman murdered her children is a psychological disorder that was never treated and her mind was checked out of reality. If our system failed her it was not to recognize mental illness when she was younger and get her help before she had children and this tragedy occurred. It is evident in every school that there are children who's parents have no parenting skills and some are being abused. Speak up and get them help before it is too late for them.

Answer 5

Probably because their daughters are so much better off and successful then they ever were/will be. This is so sad, because you are totally right, a mother should be happy for her daughter no matter what, but I guess if the mother was unpopular in high school or whatever and her daughter is the hottest thing alive, it would cause some resentment I would imagine.

Answer 6

I don't have a daughter so I'm not sure that I would know how I would feel. But my mother was very jealous of my sisters and I . It wasn't until I was really grown up that she suffered from severe untreated depression. With depression comes low self esteem. We also lived a life that was very different from the one that she lived. She encouraged us to be independent and then she was jealous when we got on with our lives. If you are a mother who feels this way please respond so that we can gain some much needed knowledge.

Answer 7

In my eyes, if a Mom is jealous of her own daughter, then she is miserable. She's not happy with herself and obviosly had never been happy with herself and her whole life! there's not much to do to change a person like that, because she's been living with it all her life..people may tell her "your daughter is so pretty" maybe when she was little no one has ever told her she was beautiful, there many reasons for mothers to act like that!! I'd say she get some help from a professional psychologist, meditate & pray!!

Answer 8

I'm not a mother but I guess its difficult having a younger women in the house and they're getting older.Allot of teenage girls you have to realize are very beuatiful and some moms (not all) might feel jealous because they lost there shape to give children.Some may have stretchmarks they may have wrinkles there daughters probably don't.

Answer 9

Well I am not jealous. But from what I have seen it could be because the daughter is young and has her life in front of her. The mother sees the errors she has made, her youth is ending, Time to face reality.

Answer 10

I know a Mother who even got jealous of her daughter when she got new dentures. She demanded to know where her daughter got the money for them, saying she wanted to know so she could get some for herself. Her daughter had a yard sale to pay for the one denture and charged the other denture. The Mother would not believe her when she told her. She looked at her very distrustful and told her "Are you sure". This Mother thought her daughter had gotten money from some lawsuit and was not telling her the truth. What do you think of this. This Mother was 89 years old, the daughter was 58.