Men And Porn????

Question

I would like some HONEST opinions.I was raped...ever since then porn has disgusted me. I told my fiance in the beginning how I saw it and how it made me feel. He VOLUNTARILY got rid of it and PROMISED not to do it again. 2 months after we were engaged I found porn on the comp. He looked at it every night for like 7 or 8 days while I was home...he lied about it multiple times untill he finally admitted it. Now I feel like I dont trust him! Cuz he lied and i see porn as disrespectful to your partner unless the partner is ok w/ it. He says its just what guys do, and it seems every1 feels that way!?! But guys..how would u feel if u found a stack of mags or vids of HOT FIT naked guys with bigger penises than u under ur girls bed? Or if she had naked pics or vids of HERSELF posted on the net. How do u feel when u see her checking out a FULLY clothed guy..but u can WATCH NAKED girls do other naked girls? Y are women supposed to just "be happy" hes not cheating? Really how would u feel?

First I would like to start out by saying . to the people that got it and gave helpful answers..thank you. To the people who judged because of a short paragraph...saying I dont satisfy him sexually, I'm throwing the fact that I was raped up in his face...WOW...bold is all I can say!! But in all honesty NO ONE that typed that on the computer would have the guts to say any of that to my face..so its whatever!! But let me make clear I never have or EVER will blame him for what happened to me..I have gotten help and continue to go to counseling. And anyone who has EVER been violated or been through what I have been through would not dare to say such ridiculous things, and would understand no matter HOW MUCH help u get.. there will always be things that will NEVER go away. Fact is I wanted to make a point..and ask..how would u feel to men. I know I am just as attractive as any girl in a porn(most are gross) and I get hit on everyday so its not about being insecure.

Its about the men that feel they can do what they want and the woman better JUST BE HAPPY hes not cheating..haha..PLEASE..I'm better than that! I could have just about any man I want, so if a man doesnt respect me..I'll move on, and I will, if it continues! To the women that say: I love porn, at least its just porn, we watch it together...thats fine for YOU!!! But not for me and not for alot of other women(as you've read)..I thought that was clear, so these questions dont even apply to you! The fact is if the other partner is cool with it..great..but ALOT arent...that makes it WRONG!! The only reason why I asked the questions is because when I asked my man..he said:No I wouldnt want u to look at naked guys, HELL NO I wouldnt want u to post naked pics of u on the net...so I just wanted some opinions on wether or not a guy would be cool with thier girl doin that if they look at porn. And by the way..just cuz ur guys look at porn and the internet nerd guys on here, doesnt mean ALL men do!

Answer 1

I don't see a reason to look at porn. I find it disrespectful -- and with yer case since you asked him not to and he's the one that promised not to do it again -- he broke his promise. I completely agree with you. If yer in a relationship, unless both partners are okay with it, I see no reason to be looking at porn. If you want to look at somebody naked, look at yer significant other.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Let me start by saying I'm sorry to hear that you were raped. That is a terrible thing. Most men watch porn because they like what they see and it's entertainment. No he isn't cheating on you. The time you take nagging about porn, you should take that time satisfying your husband. The fact that he watches porn everyday is clearly a problem. It's some of your problem because you should be handling your business sexually with your husband.

You had a good idea about the magazine of men with big penises, how about you buy a magazine, Sometimes action speaks louder than words. It might make him rethink porn or it might make him watch it more. Nobody is perfect and if you leave him for a man that doesn't watch porn, I promise you he is going to have a problem too.

Don't make your husband feel guilty by throwing the fact you were raped in his face, he didn't do that. It's a terrible thing and if you're not in counseling, you need to be. I been there and counseling works and so does church and prayers.

Answer 4

Sweet heart I am sorry you had to go through such a horrible experience in your life and I hope your getting help for it because even after 10 years if you are having issues dealing with normal life you still need that help.

As to the porn issue , asking your fiance to just quit watching it is not right I'm sorry but he's male and it is NOT dis-respectful to your spouse to watch it , it only become's dis-respectful if he starts ignoring his physical obligations to his partner .I'm sorry but as a woman I find it childish that people in this day and age are still so obsessed with getting angry over such issues , there are bigger issues out in the world to worry about and it's time for people to be adult and realise you dont own them once the ring is on their finger , and trying to say girl's dont check out guys while shopping or at the beach isnt the same thing as porn ? please.

Anyways give your guy a break , as long as he is supportive to you on your bad days and I know you have bad days especially after an experience like that so just be thankful and allow him this 1 little thing its not much to ask honey honestly.Your not his conscience or his mother , your his partner in life so be the partner and try to be more understanding as you expect him to be understanding with you he got rid of the dvd's voluntarily so thats a good enough step I'd think.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear you have been raped. It's a terrible thing and if you're not in counseling, you need to be. I been there and counseling works. I know how you feel when a guy makes a promise to you he should keep it. which in this case he broke it. so he was in the wrong here. and he needs to make it up to you. but have you told him since he lied to you that you feel like you can't trust him? it's not what all guys do and not everyone feels that way either. some men don't like it at all and others do. i'm sorry to say if he's looking at them then there's something that your husband is not satisfyed with in your sexaul relationship. have you every tried spicing up your sexaul relationship with him or even talk to him to find out why he's not satisfyed? you never know it might help. well I would be happy that he's not cheating on me if he was watching porn but I would even be more happy that I know about it and not found it. If he told me about it I would be fine with it but I have no problem with it because me and my husband watch it together to just spice up our sexaul relationship and it does help a lot. but he wouldn't go behind my back and do it. but you also got remember it not all about you and he can have some secerts as long as they don't hurt other people. you would've never known if you didn't go looking for it. you every thought the reason he keeped it from you is because he knows how it makes you feel and he doesn't want to hurt you by telling you that he does do it. there are a lot of reasons why but if you don't confront him on it your never going to find out why. you have two opions here either leave him or confront him about it and deal with it together and come to some kind of agreement about it. but I think you also need to get some help for yourself to get over this terrible trauma in your life. good luck and I hope you two can come to some kind of agreement.

Answer 6

I have the same problem, and I MARRIED the guy. We even went to premarital counseling and he swore to me, before the counselor, that he would not continue to look at porn.

See, whether or not it is considered "natural" or "a guy thing" to anyone else on the planet - it is something that I object to. It is something that I gave back his engagement ring over - in absolute seriousness - because I feel that strongly about it.

I found out a few years into the marriage that he still looks at it, does not care that he lied to me about it and the damage it caused our trust. Add insult to injury, our sex life is nearly non-existent and when we do, he's pretty committed to the same old boring vanilla 2 minutes every time.

So, for OUR relationship - porn is a killer. For YOUR relationship - it sounds like it's pretty damaging too. I hope that you two can come to some sort of honest agreed upon place where this is concerned. If not, one of you is going to feel cheated.

Answer 7

You had a traumatic event in your life! You were raped! You did not have control of what happened to you. You say that you are now disgusted by porn!

Your fiance was trying to accommodate you and was willing to get rid of his collection! After you got engaged, you found some things on the computer! He did not leave it laying out, you had to look for it!

If my wife wanted to look at pictures of other guys, in private, I would not have a problem with that at all! Marriage is a partnership, but it does not require that both parties always like the exact same things!

He is respecting your view by not leaving pictures where you see then (unless you go searching! Respect him enough to allow him the freedom to look at what he enjoys!

You now want to use your trauma as a reason to control him. He enjoys looking at pictures. This does not have anything to do with you! Why does everything that he does have to relate to you, and be something that you agree with?

I could possibly understand if he was leaving it where you had to look at it, but he is not! He is enjoying it, and unless you go looking for it, it should not effect you!!

Answer 8

First off, I agree that porn is disgusting! I don't understand why so many guys have that need to watch it so often.
The real issue here though is that he knows what you have been through and how it makes you feel, and he's not being respecting that. I would really think hard about this relationship and what you are willing to compromise about yourself in order to be with him. I truly believe there are men out there that would be respectful of that issue.
I think that guys just use the excuse that "it's just what guys do" in order to not have to practice self control and respect for women's bodies. How would he feel if he turned the comp on one night to see his mom getting busy?

Answer 9

First off I agree with you. if a man is in a relationship he calls love and committment..then he neds to show that to his sigifcant other..that means you...I found porn on my boyfriends computer and flipped out..I felt useless, belittle and ugly..I lost complete trust i him and felt as though he will continue to lie to make me happy..I told him I do not want that. I want the truth and a man who will respect me and my morals...I think about leaving him pratically everyday because of what he did..(it happened twice and I found it both accidently) I feel as though he can lie in my face, makelove to me and watch pornographic material without even knowing how much it hurts my heart. I cry and cry constantly, and when I ask for other peoples opinions they say "get over it, watch it with him, or a man will be a man"...I find these answers ridiculous, nasty and immoral. for you to be a women of abuse(raped in the past) your husband should downright respect you..and not take part in the demantling, disrespecting and accepting sluty immoral woman by watching porn. i know how you feel when it comes to finding this on your loves one computer..it hurts so bad you do not feel enough. I bring this issue up to my boyfriend all the time because Im so angry and hurt. He says he does not do it anymore but I do not beleive him..he said this before and I found these things on his computer. I promised myself if this relationship of mines does not get better I will leave cause I worry, and cry and feel cheap because of him. He will never understand cause all he wants is other women mentally and sexually. a man should love his woman and think of her only sexually..shouldn't she be enough and be beutifully and loving? I feel this. I beleive my boyfriend cheated on me in the heart and mind..he lusted and yearned for other women. Am I not enough? God Bless. You are not wrong in the relationship. Beleive that. Stand strong and put your foot down. Be a woman of faith girl and do not let him say this is what a man does..cause only a immoral, useless, carelesss man would do that to his love one.

Answer 10

Well, sorry to hear you were raped. Now, wether your boyfriend/fiance watches porn or not is his decision. He did wrong to promise he would stop looking at it, but it should be no surprise to you that he still looks at it. He may still look at porn because just maybe you are not satisfying him sexually (I don't mean to be rude).Now you should be happy he is only looking at porn instead of him out cheating on you. Now if my girlfriend was doing what he did and I was against it, I would leave her instead of complaning about him. Now if your so against him looking at porn, there are 2 things you can do about it. 1.) Leave him and 2.)
Deal with it as long as he does not cheat on you. Good luck. (PS= You need counseling. What happened to you should not be taken out on him.)