Am I wrong 4 viewing my future wife as a credit risk? I feel like I'm about to adopt a child, not get married

Question

My girlfriend is 3 months pregnant with my baby & her parents are pushing us 2 get married. The only problem is I feel like she is still a little girl. She has left everthing up to me. I pay the rent, I pay the car notes, I pay the bills, and I pay for food. I understand that it's the mans job to be the provider, but then shouldn't the womans job be being the nurture? She doesn't cook, she doesn't clean, when I mention any of the above she gets an attitude with me. I havn't eaten a home cook meal for 10months, on my days off I find myself cleaning the house, & washing clothes. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not perfect, but am I wrong for wanting a little help? I would do anything for this girl, all I want in return is for her to cook me dinner, scratch my back when it itches, and make love to me a couple times a week. Thats all I want and she can't even do that! Am I asking for to much ladies? I've worked so hard to get where I'm at. I should be happy, but all I want to do is cry

Answer 1

You shoulda worn a rubber. You impregnated the wrong girl. You aren't going to change her. You were better off finding the things you were looking for in someone else.

Answer 2

Sounds like you should have thought about it a little harder before jumping, but I am sure you don't want, or need, that lecture! So, .... Sounds like she may be a tad bit spoiled and a lot a bit lazy. If one spouse (I know you aren't married yet, but...) works outside the home and the other doesn't then I think it is only fair that the stay at home partner picks up the larger share of house work. Don't mistake this for meaning you should help out. Not sure why you are viewing her as a credit risk, unless she is also also spending money foolishly. A lot of this type of behavior may have to do with age also. If the girl is young and has never lived away from mom and dad, she may have never been taught responsibility. Now, it is up to you .... do you love this girl enough to marry her, raise your child together and in the process teach her how to be a responsible adult? If you do and you are ready for this, then by all means .... go for it! If not, then don't rush down the aisle. Instead, put off saying I do for a little while, be there for your baby both emotionally and financially. You don't have to be married to the mother to be a good father!

Answer 3

I seriously dont know what I could possibly say to you except for this .

This isnt the 1940's you dont HAVE to marry her , you do have a CHOICE.

Your already living together so what ever financial situation your both in you BOTH got yourselves into it .

You should have worn protection so this poor child doesnt have to put up with 2 immature parents , 1 who is worried about money and 1 who just wants a daddy to raise her and feed her and clothe her.

You knew what she was like before she got pregnant and I'm sorry but even before you say "I Do" your already a divorce candidate , just from the issue's you state here.

My advice dont go through with the wedding without sitting her down and discussing some agreements of what you both think marriage is and what it should be and make sure you both know what you expect off each other and how to come about it.If you cant get her to do anything after the discussion then you'll see she has no intention of being what you expect a wife/mother to be and you can move out and pay her child support and find a woman who fit's all of your criteria for the best wife awards.When are those again? I missed the last show.

Stop treating her like your child and maybe she'll start acting like an adult.

Answer 4

WOW! Thats why sex before marriage can be very sad. If she was not having your child it would be much easier to tell her to get lost because she dosen't want to be a equal partner.
You should sit down with her and write down a list of all the things that need to be done. Ask her to pick half of the things on the list, that she is willing to do. Some of the things may be things only you can do and visa versa but really you are looking for her commitment to support the relationship.
It will also help her realize how many things on the list you are doing and how much she is not doing. I'm sure the list will most likley be lopsided (not in your favor) but as long as she is willing to put in good effort it will ease your burden. Some suggestions for the list are:

Provide an income for three

Manage the finances, pay bills, balance bank accounts, manage the budget

Do the shopping for the whole family, grocery, clothing, etc.

Keep the house neat and clean including vacuum, sweep,dust, mop, scrubbing toilets and sinks, put various items in thier place etc.

Cook meals for the family
Breakfast?
Lunch?
Dinner?
Which days of the week do we have take out or pizza delivery

Laundry for all family members

Anything else you need to add to the list.

If she wont help out now wait till she has a baby to take care of, it will get much more difficult on both of you. All the attention will be turned to the baby and nothing else will get done. If she will develop habits now in helping around the house it will help when the baby comes.

Some women have been taught by their parents, or by how they have been allowed to grow up, that they just need to be pampered by their partner and they are the princess. All the work that needs to be done is beneath them and they shouldn't be expected to do any work. Their idea of a relationship is a fantasy world of ease, glamor, luxury and constant thrill. The fact of the matter is, that a good happy life with a partner, only works when they both forget their own personal comfort and pleasure and work hard for the common good of the family. Good Luck, Swequin

Answer 5

Don't get married just because she's pregnant, or because her parents want it. Be there for her during the whole pregnancy, and especially provide for the baby, but do NOT commit to more unless she steps up a little.

There is absolutely no reason she cannot contribute *something* to your relationship (other than sex). Even while pregnant. If she doesn't pay a dime for anything, then she needs to at least do things around the house to help out. If she doesn't do anything, then I think it's time you re-evaluate the worth of your current relationship. There's nothing that says you have to be with her (married or not) to be a part of your child's life, and that's the most important part here.

If you do get married anyway, and you're concerned about her becoming a "credit risk", then don't have any joint accounts, especially credit. Many couples successfully have separate checking accounts to handle bills, and many, wisely so, have separate credit cards. You do not have to share "extra" finances if she's not willing to contribute.

She may resent being asked to do typical "woman's work" at home. But very simply: she needs to either bring money home, or take care of the home. If she wants to be taken care of like a princess, she should either move back with her parents or marry a prince. You shouldn't have to carry her weight completely and forever.

Answer 6

Hate to tell you that it won't get better with marriage. My neighbor is just like that with her betrothed and they have been together for years!

He stays gone alot these days and not too many people go visit anymore. The filth is a little hard to stomach. But she swears up and down that she will get a job and she will do this and she will do that. Bottom line is she doesn't and I honestly don't believe she ever will cause when it gets too awful, her man always comes through to do it for her.

Their wedding has been postponed about 5-6 times already. I can't blame him. She is always nagging him about needing help around the house (even though she deosn't work) and she always wants him to take her out for dinner (even though she has plenty of time to cook and they can't always afford it). I know all these things because in the warm months and the windows are open, I can hear their arguments as plain as if they were standing in my own front room.

You pretty much got yourself involved with somebody that will only be good for a thing or two. I do hope she makes a good mom for your baby, otherwise it will just be one more responsibility you will have to shoulder. Prepare yourself, though as she gets bigger and moodier. I'm sure there will be more pressure for marriage.

No wonder her parents want to rush you. THEY DON"T WANT THE BRAT BACK! Good luck. If you can, try hiring a maid service to come in once a week or maybe twice a month to help you out when the little one comes. The service really isn't that expensive and you can have them tailor it to your budget. I would also investigate some of the day cares in your area, just in case. You don't want to be rushed if the time ever came that you needed somebody to watch your little one.

I will be thinking about you every time I glance over to the neighbors house.

Answer 7

So sad, that human nature has got to this point isn't it.
I feel what you are saying, maybe the "thing" is to know someone before "living as though you are a married couple"
You are in a pickle, as she is pregnant with your child, and you see the "differences" between you. Because that is what they are.
If committed, and you say you are, all you can do is work with these differences, and try to find common ground.
I always find when in love with a man, I get very domesticated, woman are all different.
No, your needs are not "wrong".
Are you meeting her needs, they may not be what she is "taking". Look at that, and talk to her, ask her what she wants.
She actually sounds repressed, and maybe withdrawn.
She may be finding pregancy difficult, there is alot changing for her, and she may just feel too tired.
Talk to her, you have to, Tell her what your needs are, and listen to what hers are.
If you both really want this baby and marriage, then it is better to be happy in it, otherwise it will be hell.
Cry if you want to, it will help you release your expectations.
Men are looking for their idea of their mother.
But remember your "wife" is not your mother.
Woman look for their idea of their father.
Look at that and talk to your girl,
if nothing moves about this situation,
counselling is better sooner than later.

With wounds come wisdom,
Blessings to you and your girl and baby,
I trust it will "work" for you sometime soon.
When you look at your baby, all this may fly out the window as not important.

Answer 8

seems such as you're able to have theory approximately it a sprint extra durable until now leaping, yet i'm beneficial you do no longer choose, or choose, that lecture! So, .... sounds like she could be a tad bit spoiled and lots somewhat lazy. If one companion (i understand you're no longer married yet, yet...) works outdoors the abode and the different does not then i think of it extremely is purely honest that the stay at abode companion selections up the better share of abode paintings. do no longer mistake this for meaning you're able to help out. not sure why you're viewing her as a credit threat, until she is likewise additionally spending money foolishly. countless this variety of habit might might desire to do with age additionally. If the lady is youthful and has in no way lived faraway from mom and pa, she might have in no way been taught accountability. Now, it extremely is as much as you .... do you like this woman sufficient to marry her, develop your baby jointly and interior the technique prepare her a thank you to be a accountable person? in case you do and you're arranged for this, then by using all skill .... choose for it! If no longer, then do no longer rush down the aisle. as a exchange, placed off asserting I do for a rapid time, be there to your toddler the two emotionally and financially. you do no longer might desire to be married to the mum to be a good father!

Answer 9

ok you are not wrong I make sure that my bf has a nice hot plate of dinner ready when he comes home because I know that hes tired and I clean and except wash his clothes -he wont let me "i do too much " anyway she should help you being pregnant is no excuse -unless she's dropped and she hasnt yet so she should help you especially if you two do get married its 50/50 no more no less for both of you I think that if she did love you then she would not be doing this - my bf does not have to ask me for anything because I know what he wants and I give to him before he even thinks to ask I hope that everything works out just talk to her and tell her that she needs to help you and if she doesnt change then you dont need her but that doesnt mean to leave your future child but tell her how you feel and you want her to help good luck

Answer 10

Talk to her about this. Don't attack her, just explain that you feel she isn't pulling her weight in the relationship. Tell her you want to define the relationship structure. If she wants to work fine, she works you both take care of the baby, the bills, and the household chores. If she isn't going to work the she takes care of the household. Then define what that is. Make sure you outline your duties as well. Otherwise don't the road, she may feel you are not pulling your weight. If her parents are pushing and she is not cooperating then talk to her parents. Get them on your side. If her mom thinks you are a good guy and that she's sluffing off.......

Answer 11

Can you spell IMATURE!
she's still a kid, you can't really have an adult conversation with her because like any other kid, she won't understand your side. You got yourself into this mess and there's pretty much nothing you can do for now after all she is carrying your baby. Have patience for now but drop her as soon as her pregnancy is done. She will give you headaches, it's only a matter of time before the love runs out and you'll split up so you might as well do it earlier.
You sound like a good man, but there's only so much you can do. Ask yourself if this is the life you want to lead for the rest of your working life. she'll never aspire to become better, she needs to have a reality check and unfortunately she won't be able to do that with you babying her and giving into her needs. Allow her to learn, grow and appreciate the things she takes for granted on her own.