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"the broken heart"
[[by: me.]]

Everyday I wonder,
how life would be with thunder.

Knowing you're not with that special one,
Giving up, crying a river, oh how fun.
(OR Deaf to hearing, "Honey Bun.")

Eating ice-cream one scoop at a time,
He's not there to tell you, "Girl you looking fine."

Each hour you're checking your voicemail,
Telling yourself, "This isn't my fairytale."

2007-09-16 07:36:49 · 5 answers · asked by that one chick 2 in Arts & Humanities Poetry

5 answers

odd

2007-09-16 07:42:32 · answer #1 · answered by aditty:) 3 · 0 0

'Every day I wonder,
How life would be with thunder.'
The rhyming seems a bit silly here,
and makes the meaning quite unclear.

'Knowing you're not with that special one,
Giving up, crying a river, oh how fun.
Deaf to hearing "Honey bun."'
Being deaf to 'honey bun' would mean that 'honey bun' was still said to you, and you just couldn't hear it.

'Eating ice-cream one scoop at a time,
He's not there to tell you, "Girl you looking fine."
Each hour you're checking your voicemail,
Telling yourself, "This isn't my fairytale."
. . . Where's the end? That can't be it.

2007-09-16 15:07:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Mimi,

I was, at first, going to slam you but I cannot as I read the poem over again; Your poem is quite a piece and I like it.
There is such an echo of sadiness, loss, and emptiness and I have been exactly in that same place. I understand.
It is pretty guttsy to ask for thoughts on the little poem. It is clear that you are grieving. I think this poem will help you move on, when relationship end we become a different person because the memories are left but the person is gone.
Finish your grief because you need to heal. You have to figure out how things have changed you. You also gain when you lose. I like the poem and now that you have put it in words you have a fresh start. Take it! Be safe!

2007-09-16 15:11:24 · answer #3 · answered by thesilkavenger 2 · 0 0

I know it came from your heart dear, but it leaves the reader hanging. It needs some closure to the poem.

I'm not sure what is meant by "life would be with thunder." Thunder is normally a negative thing, so you want negativity in your life?

It's a start. I'd say play with it and see if you can give it an ending of sorts.


g-day!

2007-09-16 14:53:41 · answer #4 · answered by Kekionga 7 · 0 0

cut back on the rhyming

2007-09-16 14:45:14 · answer #5 · answered by voodoogeisha 3 · 0 0

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