okay so november of last year my dad told us (me my bro and mom) told us he had an affair. ok so they're divorced like most ppl rite? wrong. He came home for abt 4 months. My mom was leaving me (12 at the time) home alone on Saturdays from abt 7 am to 10 or 11 at nite. My brother had so much anger that he was never home either. and then we found out he started seeing "her" again. He got an apt and OMG my mom was such a suck up. she was calling him all the time and blah blah blah. THEN he was STILL seeing her and my mom wantied to "work on things" so he came home for a week and left AGAIN. now he is living with "her" My mom found out he took out a $20,000 loan with half her income to buy "her" a harley. My mom says she's gonna leave him but when ever she sees him she melts into him and acts like i dont matter. When ever i trry to talk to her she says "just leave me alone, this is none of your buisness!" I dont know what to do and i cant sit here and let her hurt me and my bro (18)help!
2007-09-16 07:19:42 · 19 answers · asked by ily912 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well,dear Sk8tergurl, I gotta give your mom some credit, she's giving "her" a run for her money.
What Mom knows, and you will learn is that sometimes men get a little confused.
It looks soooo much better over there.
But there are a percentage of men who wake up (eventually) and thank God they haven't lost their family. They want to come home.
Your mom is tolerating all the hurt and betrayal to deal with later. She knows that can go on the back burner for now. She has no intention of going down without a fight. Good for her.
Try to focus on what you need to do in a day. Pull good grades like the folks have said, find a part time job, work towards having a checking account and a car. You're growing up.
She's fighting for her husband and her family. I'm sure she could use a little support.
I say, Give "her" what for...and you go, Mom. If she loses at least she will be able to sleep at night knowing she gave it her best shot.
In the end, that's what counts, knowing you did everything you could do.
I am very sorry for your and your brother's pain. Hang in there.
And God bless you and yours, hon, God bless....
2007-09-16 09:20:28 · answer #1 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why are you being so angry with your MOM?
SHE isn't the one hurting you, your FATHER is the one hurting you!! Why are you not griping about him?!
Your mom is in love....it's hard to think rationally when you love someone. People stay in relationships that are worse than this all the time....because ONE of them is in love.
Your dad obviously has no respect for your mom, or your family. But I think it is harsh to just gripe and say that your mom is hurting you. She is, I'm sure, more hurt than you are, and she is probably a little scared.
It would probably help more if an adult would talk to her about this. So often young teens have this 'i know everything' attitude, and if that's the case here, that's not going to help her see things your way.
I DO hope that your mom will open her eyes and get away from your dad. He sounds like he's turned into a complete jerk. I'm sorry that you are going through this, but realize you're not the only one hurting.....and it's probably just making it MORE difficult with this attitude that your mother is the one hurting you...
2007-09-16 07:40:33 · answer #2 · answered by jezyka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a sad truth that no matter what you do, your mother won't do the right thing until she finds the strength to do it herself. To find it, she has to want to find it. Right now, she doesn't. At 18, your brother will probably be leaving the house very soon. That's going to leave you on your own. You just have to be strong and keep yourself going....focus on keeping your own head above the water, parents be damned. Your mom knows how to put a stop to this if she wants to. Just worry about YOU, and make sure that YOU don't start making terrible decisions in order to get her attention or escape her house. Spend as much time away as you can, but don't do anything rash or stupid. Be strong.
Good Luck.
2007-09-16 07:28:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is a tough one,.....try to be supportive for your mom....
and as you get a little older you'll be able to help her more,
...it sounds like Dad is going through some "life" changes..and Mom is smart enough and tough enough to wait this one out, I know this doesn't sound right but....she's a little older and wiser than you are.It's hard not having control and watching all this stuff go on in front of you,but DO NOT LET IT effect you, the relationship with both Mom and Dad and help your lil'bro out ,....its not about "none of your business"...but you have to be careful not to get in the middle of Mom and Dad, you love them both, RIGHT...let them work it out,...All things come to pass, trust in the lord,and your parents.Be positive about this ...thats the way you help,your Mom needs that, you'll grow stronger because of this,..some day you'll be in a similar situation, don't be part of the problem be part of the solution/support for your whole faamily
Sometimes even Moms need a friend/someone thats there for them, in "many" ways, your mom will this and trust you,for this.....your time is coming kid,be ready,...peace and love to you.....and YOUR FAMILY....later
2007-09-16 07:54:46 · answer #4 · answered by Smith & Jones 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your dad is using joint credit to buy expensive gifts for his new honey, your mom can be held responsible for the debt while she is still legally married to him. It sounds like your mom is still in denial. She needs to get off dead center and file for divorce.
She is entitled to 1/2 of all assets accrued during the marriage... that includes all property, 401K, retirement accounts, savings, checking, IRAs, Keough, stocks and all that other stuff. She needs to intercept any statements coming in the mail to back up her claims. She needs to file for divorce just to preserve her half of all of this so she can start a new life.
I would suggest taking some of your allowance money and hitting the new book store and getting the latest DIY divorce guide for your state... some come with a CD-ROM with all the forms on it. You can also download the PDF forms from the state website.
The book is a short read and very empowering.
Just putting this information into her hands might be all it takes.
2007-09-16 09:06:16 · answer #5 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Matters of the heart are always hard to fight, especially in situations like this.
Your mom obviously still loves your father, regardless of the affair, which shows how deep her affection and devotion to him is. But the fact that your father keeps tossing back and forth between wanting his mistress and wanting his wife shows that he doesn't know what he wants, and shouldn't really be with either of these women right now, or lead them on that he may want to work on things with your mother or stay with his girlfriend.
Have you tried talking to your mother? Sometimes it takes an outsiders view on the situation to show a person what they're putting themselves through, and that its' not the right decision for them. Maybe you could try to have a family member do this with you (like maybe her brother or sister, a close aunt, ect.) Then your mom might see that these decisions shes' making are only not only hurting herself, but you and your brother and she'll make the choice to focus on you guys instead of a man who doesn't know what he wants.
2007-09-16 07:56:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to relatives, school councilors for help.
Just understand. What your parents are doing ....isnt about you but about thier selfishness.
It is a hard lesson but my kids had to go through alot of that with thier mom.
Tell your Dad his behavior is hurting you. From what it sounds like you might be stuck. Do get mad. Get help and do well in your school and your life and at 18. Get the heck out of thre and don't be like them. Keep strong and caring and you will be okay
2007-09-16 07:37:21 · answer #7 · answered by Bob D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put flyers around your neighborhood stating that you are able to babysit.
and be the best babysitter in town. be responsible and polite and on time and kind. you will quickly be buried under all the money you will make. and the new friends you will have who will like you and like you taking care of their children.
get on with your own good life, get great grades in school and ignore your parents, respect them, but realize they are not going to do anything because you want them to. the only!!!!!!!!!!! thing to do is live a good life yourself. start by babysitting. dont for petes sake be home all alone like that, get active. !!!!
2007-09-16 07:34:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweet Pea unfortunately we don't pick our parents. The best thing you can do is let her be her because you are 18 at this point and there is really nothing you can say or do to change her mind. Good luck!
2007-09-16 07:31:11 · answer #9 · answered by b n real 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mom has to do her own thing tell her you hate to see her hurt her self but you'll be there for her .far as pop he is going to do his thing all ready doing it. so no stoping it .maybe mom needs his love maybe start getting her to go out meet others some how-talk to some one.if not her then just accept things and worrier about a education for you to take care of you
2007-09-16 07:29:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋