please help?

Question

I have no confidence at all and it is ruining my life and my relationship. I am a 23 year old female and have been in a relationship for 4 years. I have never had much confidence but things have got worse, i work monday til friday then spend my weekend in the flat on my own because i am too scared to go out. If i do go out then it is only to my parents house. My boyfriends asks me to do things but i always find an excuse not to. I get into moods where i scream and cry because i am so angry with myself for not being able to do these things. I am scared of everything and i am not sure how to stop doing this. My boyfriend was understanding at first but i think he is starting to resent me as i am holding him back in life and i do not know what i would do without him. I would love to do all the travelling he suggests but it scares me even when he asks me to go to the beach i say no because that scares me, i don't know why it just does. I am scared of talking to people and scared that people

judge me. I have seen someone about this but they haven't help and i do not want to go on anti depressants again and i feel his just masks the problem and i would like to sort this out for good so i can save my life and relationship.

I did have a social life before i met my boyfriend but still couldn't do things on my own, had to have someone with me. My social life stopped about two years ago because this got out of control.

Answer 1

Confidence is based on self-esteem. Have you tried reading any self-esteem stuff? There ARE a lot of helpful books etc. You can also find a lot of stuff about assertiveness. That can help a lot with your confidence and self0-esteem.

I don't believe there HAS to be some deep seated hidden psychological "reason" for your lack of confidence! Build up your self-esteem.... it will help your confidence.

Hang in there, email me if you want to.

Not sure why I have a thumbs down??? Sour grapes? Someone must feel very bitter about something. I have NOT said anything out of line. Thumbs down because you disagree with my opinion I guess. Well TOO bad, I am RIGHT!

AND what a stupid comment calling the support people have tried to give "meaningless platitudes." What is MEANINGLESS about offering empathy and support to someone who is asking for it? And what exactly is hypnotherapy supposed to "cure" or resolve? Its not cheap.... and not effective. WASTE of money.

Answer 2

How long have you been seeing the person you say hasn't helped?

If not long, then give them a chance, unless you're sure they can't help you.

If you're sure they're not going to be of any real help, then find another therapist. Often is takes a few before you find the one who actually helps you.

Yes, this is messing up your life.

If you could take even the smallest steps, it would help. Maybe get your boyfriend to go with you on a walk around the block.

Then do that several times a week.

Then go a little further. Then a little further.

Then go for drives (you don't have to get out, just go places and sit -- let him get out and do whatever).

Go out to a small, quiet place and have a cup of coffee.

Make that a habit.

Then find a second place to sometimes go to, as well.

You can see what I'm doing here. Try to find even tiny steps you can take. Get used to doing that tiny step -- do it over and over until it's more comfortable (or at least not a huge deal), then add a little more.

If you are making an effort, your boyfriend is more likely to have patience with you and help you out.

In the meantime, try another therapist.

Answer 3

The first thing you have to do is decide if you want help or not. For all intents and purposes, you could very well not want to change the way you are living, and are content to accept things the way they are. One try with a counsellor isn't enough. You will have to make at least one more attempt. There are many alternatives to medications, there are natural supplements to assist you with your moods, like St. John's Wort and SAMe. They can help your moods, but they won't change your life, YOU have to do that. And, it is quite understandable that your mate will get easily tired of your dependence on him or others to do things for you. You HAVE to be able to do things for yourself. You are no longer a child, you have to get out into the world and live. Reconnect with your old friends, perhaps they have been missing you and trying to get hold of you. You won't gain anything by hiding in your flat and isolating yourself. There are people in the world who need you, and you them. You CAN do this, you can overcome your emotional obstacles, and there is help for you and anyone else who needs it. It does not take much money, many people will help you without charge. Once you get yourself back to being social, you will feel the difference, and you will have the support and esteem you need to keep on doing for yourself.

Answer 4

Darlin' you must know in your heart of hearts that its ok to go out - as you work Monday to Friday no doubt with other poeple, surely you have to speak to people then. You must have at one point gone out, to find yourself a boyfreind... Maybe you need a step by step plan. Firstly go to the shops, then be a bit more adventurous, maybe the cinema or resturant and build it up like that... Please do not spend the rest of your life co-oped up in your flat. Theres a wonderful world out there. Dont worry about others thoughts, only think about about yourself, then once you learn to love yourself what others think will be nothing to you. I know all that sounds corney but its true!

Answer 5

You really do need to talk to your doctor..hopefully you have an understanding one......you are a very young person and 4 years is a long time to be in a relationship ..did you have much of a social life before?

Answer 6

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Answer 7

no confidence even in yourself. Then must be lost!send all to hell, and get a new boy friend if possible and your social life as it were.Don't forget to keep an intimate and personal journal the Q&A way .rediscover yourself and be happy at correcting your past mistakes!

Answer 8

you say you work so you must have some kind of relationship with your work colleagues. are you scared to go to work? y dont you try thinking of going out like your going to work only your earning friends etc instead of money. not many of us like going to work but we still have to do it or we would be skint! im sure your new friends will love you.

Answer 9

Think you have some deep seated issues you are not facing up to.
Talk to your Mum or best friend honestly about what is really troubling you.
Anti-depressants only mask the problems pet, they dont resolve them

Answer 10

If you were a damaged computer program,i would say ,use system restore.But ,there is no magic short term cure for what ails you,no matter how many meaningless plattitudes you get on here.my only thought on this is for you to find a reputable hypnotherapist and get stuck in.