Im in a situation where I dont know what to do My husband and I had a baby boy 9 and 1/2?

Question

months ago and I have two other daughters ages 9 and 13 from a previous relationship. Ou son is my husbands only child although he loves my girls like his own he been bugging me lately about having another child now and I really dont want anymore kidsfor these three reasons 1) We are not really financially stable 2) I have high blood pressure and cholesterol and 3) I struggle with depression at time. He tells me if I dont give him 1 more that he's gonna leave me What should I do?? Sometimes I think well ok I feel bad my son with grow up alone and blah blah but then I also think of myself I need advice please!!

He works hard and is looking a t a permotion soon which will make a finances somewhat better But I tell him that my health comes first than anything I dont want to lie to him but I feel that if he cant except the truth I might haver to get on the IUD without telling him Everytime the conversation striked up we get in a big argument he startes getting really mad Ive even told him to wait till my son is a year and a half old and to let me work on my health and then Ill think about it. I really dont want to lose him but If I have to over this I might justr have to if he cant seem to understand Its a tough one for me ...........(sigh)..........

Answer 1

He's trying to even the score with your other relationship, for his own self esteem or because he feels some public shame otherwise. Get counseling for both of you. He's probably, otherwise, a perfectly nice guy and good father. You both just need to understand and sort through the issues. You husband is not in the most comfortable situation and you might not like what you hear at first, but you should listen to it all and realize genuine feelings are not evil nor dismissable. There is some room for reasoning.

Answer 2

Dear, you are the one that is going to have to carry the child to term. And high blood pressure is not a good thing. But I would be more concerned with the depression you feel. If you are struggling with depression all the time now, it is not the time to start another baby. You could sink into more depression after the birth of another child. I am reminded of Rusty Yates, (not that you are like his wife Andrea), but because he kept wanting his wife to have another child, even though she suffered from great depression after the births of her two last children.
This is selfish on the part of your husband. Children should be born into a secure, financially stable, relationship.
You have plenty of time, first work on that depression, high blood pressure and cholesterol.
Sit down with your husband, and explain all this to him. You might illicit the help of your minister to talk with him.
Your husband is not helping you, by telling you he will leave you if you do not have another child. It sounds like he needs to think of someone other than himself for a change.
He should be concerned first about the health, of his one childs mother.
And the 13 and 9 year olds need you.
I am afraid if you cave and give in to him, before the depression is resolved, you will always resent him, and this will only contribute to the depression.
I wish you the best. This must be so hard for you.

Answer 3

Have you talked to your Dr. about becoming pregnant? Have you talked to someone about your depression? If you have did you share with your husband what they said? Communication is very important. I'm not saying he is right, but he probably feels like what he wants isn't important. Your health is important, that should be addressed first.
Talk to your husband, if you are only concerned about your health tell him, ask him to go with you to an appointment with you, share what is going on with him. If he really does love you and you him you will find a way to work it out. You both have to be honest with each other otherwise you won't really get anywhere.
As for being financially stable, well I know that very few people have children that are really financially stable, you just find away to make it. That can be done.
Remember to be honest and open with your husband, it will make a difference. Try saying that you would like to have another child but first you have to talk to your Dr. and try to get everything in order with your health. If he sees it isn't because you don't want another one at all his attitude will change.

Answer 4

If he really loved you he would NEVER say you have to have another child or he will leave you. If he really loves you he will stay with you, no matter what.

You have good reasons for not having a fourth child. I know he's disappointed, but he cannot force you to do this. Tell him how hard it will make your life. Tell him you want to wait another year or so to make a decision. Tell him that if your financial situation improves and your health is looking better you MIGHT consider it.

Good luck, it's a tough situation.

Answer 5

If it were me, i'd tell him that it's not practical to have another child, especially because of your health. You already have three kids to take care of.

The biggest thing is that you don't want another child... and he is being selfish by pressing you to have one... i dont see why he has placed a 'condition' to leave if you don't have another child, either. He mustn't be wrapped to tight.

Having another child would be a financial strain, big responsibility. And it should be a mutual and wise decision, not a one-sided dumb idea!

Answer 6

U r health comes first and ur kids need their mami. If your health is at risk then don't do it no matter what he says to you. It's easier said than done but you want someone that cares about what you have to say also and respects that. He should not be putting that pressure on you it;s not fair to you. If he wants to go let him like i said i know it's easier said than done but think about it. God forbid something were to happen to you if you were to listen to him his i'm sorry is not going to fix it so think about it. No one is going to take care of you better than urself.

Answer 7

he needs to quit acting like a child and grow up........if he can not support another child do not have another one + your physical and emotional medical problems......