My bitter ex-husband is requesting DNA on an child that he is as certain as me that my daughter cannot bioloically be his. although he has brought her up as his own for the last 12 years.
He takes me to court for the stupidest things and when the court gave him in-direct contact , he would only contact the children a day or 2 before a court hearing, which have been nearly every few months. This time he has not been in contact for exactly 8 weeks now and i'm getting fed up with him pulling all the strings.
My solictor has advised me to agree to the DNA but i cannot see the point when we both know the result.
Becasue of my own upbringing we have not told my daughter about her paternity and YES i know you will judge me anyway, but i have to tell her the truth which i m prepared for (temper, anger possible hatred the whole nine yards) so wh do i have to put her through he pain of something we already know, won't that just cause her more pain than finding out we have led to her?
2007-09-16 01:52:20 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What result does he hope to gain by bringing all this up?
Does he not want to pay child support?
I doubt paternity would be considered after 12 years. Ask your lawyer...Can he get out of paying CS if he can prove he is not her biological parent? If the answer is no, maybe you can avoid the whole mess.
Good luck, dear
And God bless you and yours.
2007-09-16 02:06:30 · answer #1 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your daughter the absolute truth and get the DNA test. It is obvious that you are married to a creep who doesn't care about you or your daughter. It sounds like this man is NOT the father of your daughter and the two of you have lied to your daughter. Now that your marriage is over, he doesn't want to pay child support and obviously is not all that invested in a child that isn't his biologically. Get the stupid DNA and don't worry about the temper tantrums. Once the truth is out in the open, he will no longer be able to manipulate you and you and your daughter can move on.
2007-09-16 09:22:01 · answer #2 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are prepared and know you have to tell her, why wait? Don't prolong the inevitable any longer. I would touch base with some type of family counselor to get some tips on the best way to handle the conversation(s) with her and prepare her for this news, which I'm sure will be hurtful. However, if this way in the end saves some heartache, then I wouldn't wait and then your ex isn't controlling the situation, you are. Good luck.
2007-09-16 09:01:47 · answer #3 · answered by joeltonya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi hon....
you really need to SEE that your ex is bitter (over the divorce) so he is doing everything he possibly can to make your life miserable. and yes, he is hurting the daughter emotionally in the process....
make sure HE pays for the DNA test if there ever is one.. this is entirely your decision.
i really didn't understand.. your ex IS the biological father? I guess i got a little confused.
also, if your daughter is having problems because of the divorce, therapy never hurts...
sending hugs and i hope it all works out.
(my best advice to you in this situation is DO NOT REACT to the ex's insanity... please dont' talk with him and ignore him in general... if you react you are giving him what he wants -- attention... some people will take any type of attention they can get.. you deserve better!)
2007-09-16 10:19:01 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks to me like he's just trying to find a way out of paying child support, but you really should talk to your daughter soon. Be guided by your lawyer on what you do and say with regards to this whole situation. I also think you are well rid of this guy. Good luck with this.
2007-09-20 08:30:06 · answer #5 · answered by Silver Lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband is a horrible man (sorry to say). if he loves your daughter then he wouldnt put her through the pain of waiting for results, he wouldnt put her through the heart ache of thinking if he is not her father.plus why wait 12 years for this test if he really cared or didnt believe you then he should of tested her when she born, when she wasnt old enough to understand what was going on.take the dna test just to prove to your husband that he is wrong and talk to your daughter and make her understand that the test changes nothing and that you will always love her .
2007-09-16 09:21:42 · answer #6 · answered by LiL_mZ_Sa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you should tell her first and on that score you don't have a choice. This will then take some of the wind out of his sails. Ps don't envy you a bit.
2007-09-16 10:27:19 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have your daughters best interests at heart in everything you do, your daughter WILL resent you if you lie to her, this isn't about you or him she deserves the truth and this is her choice to make as hard as it is on you
2007-09-16 09:06:15 · answer #8 · answered by shorty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
refuse his DNA offer coz it probably end up wrecking yours and your daughters relationship
2007-09-16 09:12:36 · answer #9 · answered by Perfectionist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋