I am 23 years old male who has had 4 abdominal surgeries.I have been on all drugs even morphine was legally prescribed for me. Now I am healthy and as strong as anyone else. I dont get along with women because my abdomen looks so scary. I look very handsome from outside and girls try to seduce me all the time. I scared the **** out of a girl when I took my shirt off in bed and she left me the same day and my confidence shattered.I will be getting married very soon.I dont know what to say to my future wife about my tummy.I dont want to tell her about it before marriage because i fear she will leave me. Should I go for plastic surgery? Need advice please.
2007-09-15 21:40:55 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey don't sweat it so much! Hold your head up high! If the operations had to be done or you would have maybe died! tell her the whole story not just that you have scars that scares people to death! don't even mention the girl that got so scared and left you!!! don't even bring the past problems up!
Come on! We men can really stretch stories out if we really have too! it doesn't mean lie, Tell her like: I never told you that if I didn't get the 4 surgeries I did, I may not have been around to marry such a beautiful loving woman! and that I need to be honest with you about it now because it has been really eating me up and I love you so much and I don't want to lose you over it! because of the 4 surgeries I had done, it left my tummy pretty scared up, sorta like a road map! and I was think of getting a tatoo for part of it! like maybe a speed limit sign or a few stop signs! but I need to show the scars to you and
If you don't like the scars. I will have plastic surgery to fix it if that would make you feel better, because I love you so much and I will do that for you! But if I show you, you have to promise me we will still be getting marriad, I love you more then anything in this world and I need to get this part of my life behide me once in for all!
And then when you start to show her, so her small parts at a time, and explain each surgery as you show her a little more at a time!!! watch her face, but not straight at her, If her reactions start to get bad, Stop and drop the shirt back down!!! don't show her anymore!!! Then if she says why did you stop, just say, you were starting to look like you saw a ghost! and I don't want to upset you!
We can take this slow, I can show you more some another day when you feel up to it! Then tell her plastic surgery will fix it all! and then say I will do it for you! because I love you and I'll do it to make you happy!
If she really loves you as much as you love her, she will hang in there with you! just like you would if she got in a bad car accident and disfigured her whole face or left her crippled for the rest of her life! Right???
When two people really love each other, nothing can stand in there way of the bond they have with each another! If this works for you, do me just one favor! as your celebrating at your reception, Yell out a toast to Mr. Answers!!!!
Have a loving and life time marriage ( born to live!!!!)
2007-09-15 22:45:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You don't get alone with women because your stomach is a mess and the women who have seen your stomach took off. I got news for you when we fall in love with a man it takes more then scars on your stomach to scare us off. If you are as good looking as you say you are then that should over compensate for your scaring. Another thing you should keep in mind I understand guys are visual creatures but keep the lights off. As far as plastic surgery goes if you can afford to have it done then go for it. If you want your confidence back that will do it but if you can't have the surgery then i would strongly advise you to tell her before hand.Telling her now has nothing to do with the way you look but more with honesty and trust. I wish you all the luck you deserve.
2007-09-16 11:06:51 · answer #2 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you really should tell her. I mean if she loves everything else about you. Then she should be able to accept that you aren't perfect. No one is, so if you need or want more serious surgery done then I think its best to talk to her about this before you go and do it. Because if she finds out you are laid up after surgery and she is like why did you need surgery and you tell her. She will be pissed as hell. But if she is a good woman she would stick with you. Still be mad as hell at the fact that you would hide something so important from her though.
2007-09-15 21:50:48 · answer #3 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she loves you (and I am sure she does, she has agreed to marry you ) come clean with her and tell her. The other woman just wasn't into you, trust me, at least not for the long term. You will probably find she (your fiancee) loves you more rather than less for it because of what you had to go through and it will strengthen the relationship. She probably thinks you think there is some thing less than attractive about her because you have this intimacy issue. And do it soon, so you can relax and enjoy your wedding.
Good luck for your future together.
2007-09-15 21:50:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not telling her beforehand? That's something many women would leave a man over because that is a trust issue. If she really loves you, she'll get over the fact that your abdomen looks disgusting, but she might want to have sex in the dark or at the very least with her eyes closed. I know I would. Sex is a very physical thing and that includes looks, so if you don't look so good it's going to be a turn off. It's okay though, because in a few years time after she's popped out a kid she'll probably gain a good 50 lbs and have stretch marks galore!
2007-09-15 21:46:36 · answer #5 · answered by skunk pie 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You poor thing! If you feel as though plastic surgery would improve your quality of life then, by all means, go for it! I cannot imagine what you must feel having to go through all of those surgeries and dealing with the scars.
If, however, your wife loves you...if she is a woman who is really worth it...the scars won't matter. I think you need to tell her before you get married, not so that she can run, but so that you can put your mind and heart to rest that she will still love you and care for you in the face of any scar.
Just so you know, if anything ever happened to my husband, I would love him the same...heck! I would kiss his scars...and frankly be grateful for his body's ability to heal!
Those scars are the reason you are still here, so love them! Be proud of them, they are your war wounds.
2007-09-15 22:07:21 · answer #6 · answered by joellemoe 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You havent had physical intercourse with your fiance?
You need to sit down and discuss your past operations and then show her , going into marriage with a lie only leads to more lies and that may lead to adultery , be honest if she loves you she will be fine and love you even more for trusting her to see it before the wedding.
Or this could totally back fire on you because you didnt trust in her love for you enough to be up front and honest about this in the 1st place and she may leave so either way your done for mate .
TELL HER!!!!!!!!
2007-09-15 22:49:20 · answer #7 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever stop to think that when they see all the scaring and see you have had alot of operations, that they may just think you won't be around as long as them and that if they get serious with you and it ends up in marriage, that they be left alone and widowed?. I suggest you tell them before hand what the operation was for and why, or you will find this will continue happening. good luck
2007-09-15 22:21:48 · answer #8 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes definitely, get the plastic surgery done. It would be easier to tell your fiance about it AFTER it looks better. If you have to tell her beforehand, just don't show her and let her know that you are going to get it taken care of. If she insists that it won't make her love you any less, tell her you can show her after the surgery!
2007-09-16 01:08:05 · answer #9 · answered by peggy m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just as everyone else has said, you need to tell her before getting married. to intentionally not tell her means that you are intentionally trying to decieve her. thats not how you want to walk into a life together. she has agreed to marry you so she must love you. does she know at all that you had stomach problems? let her know your history and what you have been through. she wont stop loving b/c of that. each day, she will look into your face, she will be kissing your face, she may be able to deal w/ your stomach...you never know, she may grow to love every imperfection about you, thats what love is...no need of jumping the gun and getting a surgery trying to hide a part of yourself, even if you decide to get one, let your future wife in on this part of your life. have you all ever had sex? how long have you been together? has she never even touched your stomach? i guess you have never showered together? i know you want to. stop living w/ this secret...release it to her and hopefully you have found someone that wants to be w/ you and wont be so shallow as the last girl
2007-09-15 22:05:05 · answer #10 · answered by huneygrl1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋