Crush on her therapist: am I a bad friend because I didn't acknowledge that the therapist would be flattered?

Question

My friend has a crush on her therapist. My friend is upset with me because I have not acknowledged to her that I think her therapist would be flattered by this crush. My friend says that all of her other close friends have acknowledged this, except for me.

I have not acknowledged this because:

1. It's speculation as to whether or not her therapist would be flattered, and;

2. It's very very (very) unlikely they would ever be together.

For the above reasons I do not think it's wise for me (or anyone else) to say that to her. I should also add that my friend is receiving therapy for a disorder of which one "symptom" is being obsessive.

What do you think? Should I have acknowledged that her therapist would be flattered, or am I correct in believing that it is better not to?

Answer 1

No, especially if one of her problems is obsession.

Answer 2

You are absolutely 100% in the right for not feeding into her fantasy. The notion that her therapist would be flatted speaks to the true nature of her illness.

If she is not being treated for NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) or BPD (borderline personality disorder) she is certainly showing one sign of it though her behavior.

I have to commend you on being a friend to such an individual as often those types of friendships are quite one-sided and draining.

I would urge you not to question your instincts with her as it appears that your intuition is solid and your emotional and intellectual reasoning is quite sound.

You see, it is quite common to develop feelings for one’s therapist and most training programs prepare therapists for this possibility. Your friend is not unique…but what people like your friend fail to realize is that while they are sharing tons of intimate feelings and thoughts with their therapist, the therapist does not reciprocate. The therapist does not feel the same sense of intimacy that their clients can develop because while each client only has one therapist…each therapist has multiple clients and they all learn (generally) to maintain a professional distance.

Although when an individual is fairly self-interested anyways, they are likely to ignore the fact that the therapist does not engage in the same sort of intimate sharing as they do.

Assuming you still want to be a friend to this woman, despite her obnoxious behavior, I think it is important that you explain to her that it is quite typical for a client to become romantically interested in his/her therapist but that it complicates therapy and that you think it is important that she tell her therapist she is having these feelings. It may be necessary for her to find a new therapist because such romantic feelings can complicate a therapy setting and render it useless or even destructive.

Good luck! Sounds like you have your hands full with her.

Answer 3

If her therapist is a reputable person, he might be flattered but he would also be professionally obligated to withdraw from her case.