Tonight was the last and final straw my husband comes into my house around 1:30 am asking where some pliers at, I tell him that he left them in the car which the car had been towed somewhere, so he wanna argue about that and some other bull. I walked away and he said don't walk away from me cause i'll bust you in your head. Knowing that he hit me before and choked me before, I didn't take any chances I called the police to have him escorted out of my home. He took the dress and coat he brought me back. He said he will have the divorce papers in the mail. Should I wait for the divorce papers to come in the mail? Or should I try to talk to a lawyer Monday morning and see what my rights are. I have proof that he has been abusive and I have proof that he committed adultery because they had a child together while we are married. I do everything for the kids, I watch them, we in a stable home, I am about to start college, I don't drink or do any drugs or smoke. I going to look for job.
2007-09-15 21:14:17 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have been separated before and he has been acting okay until these past few days he started acting like his old self again and I didn't want to take any chances this time. I think he bluffing to because he said it before and the papers never came but I will be doing that because I am tired of being stressed and tired of thinking will he do this or do that. I will also be looking into some therapy. I know this going to take some time but I am so scared right now. Hopefully he want be back anymore and I'm not letting him back. My kids don't need to be scared and I don't need to be scared either.
2007-09-15 21:55:38 · update #1
The house we live in is mines his name not on the lease I had to call the police to escort him out of here I'll go get a restrain order put on him, talk to someone that can help me and kind of guide me into never going back to him no matter what he says cause I know he mad for me calling the police and he probably try to say something nice then it be all over
2007-09-15 21:59:20 · update #2
When I say I am in a stable home, I mean the place I live in doesn't have his name on the lease, and I could get him on a new trespassing list out here. I know it wasn't about the pliers thats why I was walking away instead of sitting there arguing. As for why I have stayed married to him for this long is because I really thought he was going to change, and he bragged to the police that he hit me twice before and that he didn't mean it last night. T he policemen said they all say that and told me I need to go ahead file for divorce. Thanks for everybody answers, everybody's answers are good.
2007-09-16 03:47:32 · update #3
yeah, you did the right thing by not taking a chance. if he's been acting like "his old self" lately, he's probably cheating again too! that's how they are, they get mad about their life and start taking it out on you. to ask you for some pliers @ 1:30 in the morning and get pissed about it was only a way to get something started. he was looking for an altercation. you have enough reason for initiating the divorce, my question is what has taken so long? the man has been an abuser, an adulterer, and also a risk taker...if he had a baby w/ someone else while you were married that means no protection was used and he jeopardized your life...enough is enough, the reason he makes physical threats is to control you, he wants you to be scared by reminding you of his capabilities. its time to put an end to the madness, you say that you are in a stable home, thats only in the physical sense of you all having a place to live b/c its not stable mentally nor emotionally for you or the kids. its our responsibility to make sure our babies environment is completely stable. futher more, you dont want them growing up watching physical, emotional, nor verbal abuse. you dont want them to think its normal b/c children are products of their environment. you sound strong but sounds like you are second guessing your strength. dont doubt yourself and dont second guess your decision. start the process 1st thing mon. morning
2007-09-15 22:31:40 · answer #1 · answered by huneygrl1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, divorce sucks, it is hard on the kids and you . It takes a lot of time to recover from a divorce emotionally. Be sure that it is what you want, wait a couple of weeks. Spend the time getting ready, looking for a job, setting up daycare, going to the kids school to make sure that he isn't allowed to pick up the kids etc. , then if you are still convinced that you want this divorce go see a lawyer. Try to join some kind of group counseling for abused wives. Don't jump into any serious relationships for some time to give yourself time to heal. Avoid guys that want to dominate you emotionally or physically, they are that way because of their own insecurities.
2007-09-16 04:39:37 · answer #2 · answered by William A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to be the one to file for divorce and find out what your rights are. he is an abuser who is not happy within himself and takes it out on u. there isn't much u can do with a man like this, he has a pattern of abuse towards u. get the protective order, and don't speak to him he may try to sweet talk u into going back to him. he has committed adultery, abused u, disrespects u, and has a child by someone else while he was married to u, not exactly someone of good character u could put any trust into. get away from him, file for divorce so u will be free and not have to be afraid of what he will do next.
2007-09-16 10:05:29 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The divorce is easier than living that kind of life. I wouldn't wait on the papers in the mail. Make sure you get an attorney. You would be surprised with what you s**** yourself out of when you file a do-it-yourself divorce.
Keep getting your life together. Sounds like you will do well.
2007-09-16 10:00:25 · answer #4 · answered by peggy m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is trying to control you and is probably bluffing about the divorce. See a lawyer and start proceedings yourself in any case. I'd be willing to bet you serve him with divorce papers before he does you. If he wanted to leave you he would have done so already. He wants to control you as his property. Get rid of him, the hard part comes afterward.
2007-09-16 04:39:47 · answer #5 · answered by Robert P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call a domestic violence group and get help in leaving him. They'll be able to give you good advice. You may have to take the kids and leave your home. Go see a lawyer and file for divorce, but be prepared with a plan, because he may become violent if he sees you leaving.
2007-09-16 04:53:27 · answer #6 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it's time you take the initiative here. Don't wait for him to serve you with papers, get a lawyer on Monday and serve this useless man.
Empty any joint bank accounts you have, and put the money in a new bank account in just your name. Cancel any credit cards that he has (unless they are his alone). And get a protection order banning him from going near you or your kids.
Given that you can prove abuse and adultery, I'd say you'd have a pretty good case.
But do not procrastinate, do not wait for him to do things to you. It sounds like you are done waiting for him to abuse you. So take the approprate action. Good luck.
2007-09-16 04:22:47 · answer #7 · answered by ZCT 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
get a job and divorce him. thats too much. divorce is easy, its dealing with it afterwards.
2007-09-16 04:26:49 · answer #8 · answered by just hanging around 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋