Love & Depression?

Question

I'm currently in a state of mild depression, I've already gone through a bad depression 3 years ago. I'm in Australia but I'm Italian, I don't have any friends here apart from my housemates, that are all part of my boyfriend's family.
Now, I know that being around someone in my state isn't easy or fun, but yesterday he told me this: "It's frustrating seeing you like this, it makes me really angry, it makes me livid. Sometimes I think you're just taking the piss". And this after I had another crying attack, which I'm not proud of but that I really can't control.

Now, I already feel quite lonely and isolated sometimes (I've been here for 8 months) but last night I really felt helpless, as if I really didn't know what to say or do.

He loves me, he really does, and I understand that it's hard for him to see this part of me. But sometimes the things he says make me feel even guiltier for being like this, or he uses sarcasm and ridiculises what I'm feeling.

What should I do?

Answer 1

it's crap i know, i have experience as both the deppresse and the one on the other end. Here is my 2 cents. it will be frustrating him, depression doesn't just effect the person going through it it effects the people around. as you become depressed you obviously change and stop being who you were, a new you as it were. i know when i had depression i didn't feel myself. Things annoyed me, people, i wanted to be on my own then felt lonely but didn't want to do anything about it. when this happens it really can become frustrating for the person who loves you, when you love somone you want to make them happy. seeing someone in pain or hurting can really hurt as well. What you need it more people to support you, go to the dr, seek help. Go out and start talking to people in a bars. People always want to know about somone from another country. he wont be trying to make you guilty, depression can make even a kind act seem like an attack. My advice is seriously, get out there and meet new people, make your own friends. Find another person to lean on. Go on msn, meet people that way. If he loves you he will stay. Just tell him that what he says can make you feel guilty. Remember that guilt is a symptom of depression too. You're not the real you, but you will be again. just take it slow, hope you get better.

Answer 2

In addition to your mild depression I would suggest that you are also homesick. I lived away from my home country for nearly 5 years and in the first 12-18 months I was very homesick. As you are susceptible to depression you need to find a supportive group especially if you are determined to stay with this insensitive boyfriend. Crying attacks which cannot be controlled are a good indication that you need to see a doctor who should be able to medicate for you and recommend a group where you can find the support you need.
Its an old cliche but get yourself busy meeting people, joining groups that interest you doing a sporting activity that will bring you into contact with other people. Is there an Italian Society/Association in your locality? As an Italian are you catholic? Perhaps your local church will have contact groups or perhaps if your priest is kind and understanding you could look to him for guidance.

Answer 3

He's a jerk, alright, but it probably kills him to see you crying and he can't do anything about it. Men like to fix things for the women they love - and you make him feel helpless.

Homesickness is so strong, nobody can know it until they've really felt it. Is this your problem, and can you return to Italy?
If not, then you need to get a grip. It's all up to you to control your own mind - you can either feel sorry and sad, or you can bite your lip and carry on. You CAN control how you feel.

Go and join something, a church, a club, a volunteer group. Get around people who are like you, share an interest, and whose momentum in their cause will motivate you to expend energy. You need to get plenty of exercise because that releases the dopamine in your brain. And you need to get plenty of sunshine, because the lack of sunshine contributes to depression.

You also have to learn the skill of ignoring your depression and pretending it isn't there. Everyone has depression, but you can't let it rule your life.

I hope things get better for you.

Answer 4

Well first off. your boy friend is a jerk. he should respect that you have these episodes and try to help you, not make it worse. I personally think that he builds on your depression. you need to find something that makes you feel happy. something that can take you out of the every day struggle you face and send you to a comfort place. a place where you can relax. and no offense or anything but, you might want to think twice about your so called BF, who cant even help sooth you in your mild state. really he is a jerk.

Answer 5

He should be assisting you in this time of need. You would benefit from seeing a doctor, and it should be obvious to him that it is his job to help you make that first step.

Go see a doctor yourself, get some councelling, get strong enough so you don't feel that you need to rely on him as much, then re-assess the relationship. It may well be difficult for him, but ridicule is the opposite of helping.

Answer 6

Hi. I understand exactly what you are going through. My ex husband never understood my depression and anxiety and his reactions made it worse. People who dont understand the illness think you can just "snap out of it",. My ex mother in law even told me "put some lipstick on you will feel better!!!"

Go and see a doctor and talk to him/her. If necessary take some mild anti depressives to help you through this.

DONT SUFFER IN SILENCE THERE IS HELP

Answer 7

OH dear, I do feel sorry for you. I think if you can afford it go back home on your own for a few days, your Mum and Dad are good friends at a time like this and they will understand you. I do wish you the best of luck and get well soon.

Answer 8

Sadly, he's a jerk. Right? you can't help how you're feeling, and all you want is some love and support. Which you deserve. Would he agree to a few couples support sessions? Just so his eyes might be opened to what you're going through?

Answer 9

if u think that he is worried very close with u and also cares more than a friend then might be he loves u but before u find out clearly what is the truth becoz hearts is hurted it reaaly pains a lot

Answer 10

find someone who will help you deal with your depression. apparently, some people cant. ive got a girlfriend who lets me bounce off my frustrations from time to time and then i can breath. find a hobby that you like outside the home and you can then make some new friends. peace your boyfriend needs to learn some compassion also. that helps.