want to know if it's possible to let go of all the hurt and completely trust again. my boyfriend is great, we share a lot in common. problem: we were both blind-sighted in our previous marriages and have a hard time with trust. our relationship is at a stage where we love eachother and want more, but the past hurt has made us scared to move any further. Can our relationship mature without 100% trust? Sometimes I feel it's better to expect the worst so I can never be disappointed. Is that healthy? I want to be with this man, he's the first man that has truly been my friend first and I don't want to lose him or our friendship.
2007-09-15 18:17:51 · 3 answers · asked by shes_marie77 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Date him a long, long time before you commit to him. Talk to him a lot, find out his values, his interests and his plans for the future, tell him yours. This is the key to a good relationship. Getting to know them very well before marrying them. See how he lives, how he treats women and other people in general. Find out about his spiritual beliefs, his politics, everything you can. If you want children, find out if he does too. Find out if he will help with house work and children or if he thinks the only requirement for him is working at his job and coming home to let you wait on him hand and foot while you take care of all the house and yard work and the kids. Does he believe in being a partner with you in marriage, or does he think women are subservient? Is he controlling, does he drink to much at any time, does he do drugs? Be a detective, because you don't want to find out his faults after you have said your vows.
2007-09-15 18:32:50 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly eight years, now. I keep asking myself the same question. I was married for 21 years and according to the experts, would take at least 7 years to heal before I was ready to move into another marriage relationship. Now, I vacilate between feeling too comfortable in living alone and wanting the companionship that marriage would bring. At this point I'm thinking this is probably the best this relationship is going to get. He's a good guy and my best friend, but I'm looking for different things than I was when I was in my twenties. I've had the husband and father to my children. Not looking for replacement parts in that department.
2007-09-16 01:34:45 · answer #2 · answered by lavenderbluelassie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If both of you are having a hard time with trust, due to past relationships and not the current one, then maybe couples counseling would help. They can help you get past the past, so to speak, and move on in a healthy relationship. No, your relationship won't mature without the trust, and expecting the worst so you won't be disappointed isn't right either. Good luck, it sounds like you both want to get past your previous hurts.
2007-09-16 01:24:45 · answer #3 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋