Ok here is the deal...my husband has been working out of town for the past couple of months..he is maybe home a day or two every week if he is lucky. I am home with our 3 kids ( all boys) 11, 3 ,and 3 months old. My birthday is next week and I would like to go spend that night up there with him, he is about 4 1/2 hrs away. I ask him about it and he says NO WAY..he doesn't want me up there at his job.Well first of all I would not be at his "job".... I would be at the hotel where he is staying and I would love to have a break from the kids. The reason he gave me was he did not mix business with family....some lame excuse. I really DO NOT know what to think about it. I mean he constantly tells me of the other guys cheating on their wives and girlfriends while they are working up there. SO if you were me would you go on up there even though he has said NOT TO and surprise him? or should I go up there and "OBSERVE" what is going on or should I JUST STAY HOME? I need some advice. WWYD?
2007-09-15 16:16:19 · 56 answers · asked by Suzie Q 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
BY the way something I did not mention....he did CHEAT on me back in 2002 so there is a possibility something could be up. Thank you so very much for all the comments I have gotten so far !!! Keep them coming.....I will be making my mind up around next Wednesday about whether or not to go up there Friday Sept 21..my B- day!!!
2007-09-15 16:57:09 · update #1
mate sounds like he has something to hide.
im in the same sort of thing.
im a truck driver away from home for weeks on end and i will tell you this if my wife wanted to come and spend time with me i would be so happy.
sorry to say this but i would be really concerned why he is like this.
don't mix business with family thats so lame.
any way happy birthday for next week and i do hope he comes to his
sencers
2007-09-15 16:26:55 · answer #1 · answered by hurts so good 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would most definitely go up there. But I wouldn't have told him about it. I mean have your mom or someone watch the kids. And drive up there. I might even get a wig and some large dark glasses or something and a different outfit that I would usually wear and sneak up to his hotel room. Knock on the door and say its room service. Now if he is looking at you like he was expecting a hot sexy woman to be there, then it would definitely be something to yank off the wig and glasses and surprise his azz. But if he is just shocked that any woman that isn't from house keeping or room service is there then still be a good surprise. However I think from the way he responded to you not coming up ever is a sure sign he is being tempted by someone or something up there.
2007-09-15 16:31:42 · answer #2 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly trust your husband then try to understand that maybe he really doesn't want to mix the two. It may make his cheating coworkers very uneasy and will put a strain on thier work relationship. If you show up anyway to surprise him or get caught "observing" he'll be offended that you don't trust him and he may resent the fact that you stooped so low. Instead, maybe ask him to schedule a day off, get a sitter and spend the night somewhere neutral. If you really think he's cheating then maybe you can OBSERVE but I would do that only as a last resort and if you really really think something is going on.
2007-09-15 16:25:14 · answer #3 · answered by Kacey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If my husband seemed a little strange and suspicious about me coming up there to spend my birthday with him I would definitely go! Although now that you mentioned you would like to come he may take precautions around that time not to get caught being up to no good. The next time that you talk with him let him know now that it was a bad idea for you and convince him that you would not really want to leave the kids and take the long drive up there.........but what you really do now is get a baby sitter you trust and go there the night before your birthday and arrive at the hotel late at night. Then you could surprise him and tell him you changed your mind and you promised yourself that you would not interrupt his work and would sight see around the town. The only real advice I would give you is to find someone that could go along with you and set them up in another hotel close to the one your husband is registered in and have them follow you out there in their own car. You do this because if you do discover your husband there with another woman you are going to need some emotional support there for you because what you may see will devastate you. You will be in no condition to drive the 41/2hour drive back home so if you can please take someone with you. If you believe that your husband is hidding something here from you it is your right to find out what is going on in your world no matter what the outcome. In this day and age you need to protect yourself from life threatening disease out there because you need to be around to raise your children. You already know that your husband has it in him to cheat on you because he already done this in his past. He may be a great and wonderfull husband and father on the home front but good deeds do not mean a man is loyal. You be very carefull and take care of yourself and I hope for you and your children some of us are very wrong here????
2007-09-15 19:59:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough situation. If I were you, I would NOT go up there and surprise him. If he isn't doing anything wrong, you've just destroyed the trust the two of you share. He would know that you were just checking up on him. It would also be very risky if you went up there to "observe" him. Do you know what you would say to him if he saw you? Do you have a legitimate reason you could give him for why you were 4 1/2 hours away from home on your birthday? Maybe you could suggest going up there for a visit on a different day. See what his reaction is to that. I'm not telling you not to find out what, if anything, is going on. Just be extremely careful. This could end up ruining your marriage.
2007-09-15 17:35:23 · answer #5 · answered by ncgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I would find it strange he is working out of town for that long of a period? When is it ending? Second - why is he not coming home for your birthday? Third - I would not surprise him. If he does not want you there then let it go. I would ask him to come home so you can celebrate your birthday with the family. Your kids need him as well and need to see family together for special days like your birthday. Finally - Work on either him coming home full time or you moving to that town.
Nothing is that important that you have to be apart for this long of a period. I personally have difficultly even leaving family for weekend on business.
Best of luck
2007-09-15 16:34:14 · answer #6 · answered by ensoman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry my dear, but he is rasing every red flag there is. He doesn't mix work with family, doesn't want to spend the evening with you on your special day, is constantly telling you about all the "other" men who cheat, etc...He has something to hide and that is all there is to it. You surprising him one night will probably not do anything but make him angry, because he may not be cheating at that moment, what you need is someone you trust to observe his actions while he is away from you then confront him about the issue after you have proof. Good luck to you and I am very sorry that your husband would ever treat you this way. You and your sons undoubtably deserve more.
2007-09-19 02:51:52 · answer #7 · answered by stella16bella 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that every girl has a gut feeling for a reason, and I"m not saying jump to conclusions but you should go investigate quietly without him knowing cuz if you let him know then of course he'll try to hide anything that is going on..I think that a husband should want to see his wife on her birthday and taking care of all 3 kids on your own your damn right you deserve a break, so go for it girl don't just stay there you cuz you also have those 3 kids to worry about and you don't want them growing up with a father who cheats on there mother... Good luck...
2007-09-15 16:57:47 · answer #8 · answered by beby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be as curious as u are, but, I would not go, If u look for things hard enough, eventually u will find it. If your husband has an unfaithful reason as to why he doesn't want u there, I wouldn't want to walk into that kind of pain, especially on my birthday, this is "your day" to have a joyous time, I wouldn't stay at home either, I would find me some place to go and enjoy myself, this is your day to be all about you and fun, clebrate the fact you have made it through another year still standing tall.
2007-09-15 16:50:25 · answer #9 · answered by yawhaneeh53 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately go! But rent a car so he doesn't know it is you. It sounds to me like he is also cheating. You have to find out. You can't wonder about this forever. If he was as loving as you wish, and being your birthday, he should have welcomed you with open arms. Something is fishy and he doesn't want to get caught with his hands in the cookie jar. Sorry, I surely do hope I am wrong for your sake. But do you really want to do this on your birthday and take that chance or should you check it out before or after that date? It is up to you if you think you can handle it.
2007-09-15 16:38:06 · answer #10 · answered by pony 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋