Here goes the story: two average-joes meet. Decide they should date and eventually they end up getting married! All is well because they are both HEALTHY and NORMAL people. Neither one gambles, does drugs, beats up the other, sleeps around, habitually lies, has had a sex change, or engages in any such DRAMA! In fact, they are both very mature and giving. Furthermore, John and Jane Doe are very responcible individuals. Each one has a college degree with each one having a decent income. I must EMPHASIZE that John Doe is brilliant and has a history of making accute judgement calls throughout his life. Yet, his marriage failed. If anyone out there, male or female can relate to this story, please tell me about it. PLEASE include DETAILS about what went wrong with your marriage AND why did you overlook the discrepancy until later. Especially since their engagement was 16 months long thereby giving plenty of time to iron out the wrinkles [children, finances, etc.] or so you would think.
2007-09-15 16:15:34 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If John Doe thinks that his marriage failed then isn't that part of his "accute judgement calls throughout his life?"
2007-09-15 17:12:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they were both work-a-holics and devoted little time to each other and drifted apart. Hard to say. As far as ironing out the wrinkles before they got married, I was engaged to my ex-husband for 15 months before we got married. I had already been through so much with him. He was/is an alcoholic, has borderline personality disorder, was bulimic, and a multitude of other problems. He was very manipulative. He could always make me feel sorry for him. His problems, his childhood. But when he hurt and disrespected my parents by stealing from them, I was done. I kicked him out and haven't seen him since. Our divorce was final almost 7 yrs. ago and I have never looked back.
Maybe there were things going on that no one knew about between John and Jane Doe. Just because a marriage looks perfect from the outside doesn't mean that it is. My boyfriends parents are perfect examples. His father was an alcoholic and he beat his children all the time in drunken rages. His mother turned a blind eye and did not protect her children. Everyone thought they were the perfect family. But that wasn't the case. So you see, things are not always what they seem.
2007-09-22 16:26:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage in the 21st century is nearly impossible. The roles are undefined, at best and archaic at worst. If you made it ten years, try to think of the positives of that decade. Back in the old days, people lived until about 45, so realistically, their marriages were shorter too. And they had easy definitions of who should do what. Yes, i know where you are coming from. I married young, to a boy, who didn't want me, but his imagined definition of what a wife should be. I left because he was too worried about what other people would think if he left me. Now I am on marriage #2, and I am still having a hard time identifying my role. There is no easy answer. So, don't judge yourself too harshly. Just try to make the most of your life. We aren't here forever...
2007-09-23 06:36:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Didn't John and Jane Doe visit a marriage counselor before throwing in the towel with their marriage? That marriage counselor has got the story, then. If you are John Doe, then you, Mr. Brilliant, should continue counseling so that you can get 'closure' and that will help you with your next marriage.
2007-09-22 19:29:17 · answer #4 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People change..this is why divorce happens..my story is similar..two well educated business people and my husband couldn't take the pressure of the responsibilities of a home, the children and the every day normal stress....His sense of humor is gone..he went from a funny down to earth guy, to a mean angry *******....But..I will tell you this..life is to short and I will not let one human being take me down with him...so, I am filing for divorce, and I know in the end the kids will have a happier dad and mom! Good luck to you
2007-09-15 16:45:15 · answer #5 · answered by josiejo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure about your question but it sounds as if you are "bored" with life. "Is that all there is?" kind of qurey. Things are smooth, life is good - but you are not satisfied - something deep inside - maybe guilt as others in the world have much trouble. Don't know it is fits but sounds like a life changing moment. Read "passages" an old book about a maturity journey.
2007-09-15 16:37:21 · answer #6 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No matter how good your judgment, you cant judge a book by it's cover. Sometimes people don't know what they want until they find what they don't want. You can't really be an expert on some place you've never been. After you go there you may not like it.
2007-09-15 17:47:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell you why that marriage failed, but I can tell you why mine works: God's grace.
We believe that He put us together, and we made the decision to marry with the clear knowledge that marriage is not easy. It always requires work--to purposefully keep loving regardless; to find new ways to fall in love. And change ourselves to please our spouse more.
Even if you are the most mature person in the world, marriage requires extra effort, because now you have to live with someone else, and think of their needs before your own. If you don't, you will drift apart.
2007-09-15 16:31:36 · answer #8 · answered by foxhunter 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like Joe might have turned into Smug-Married and took it all for granted!
2007-09-15 16:24:26 · answer #9 · answered by cautious 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Lighten up, Too much planning! I hear no mention of fun or
love.
2007-09-23 13:19:53 · answer #10 · answered by jenny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋