Child Left Out From Good Friend's Birthday Party?

Question

Our small neighborhood has five 8 year old boys that are all in 3rd grade. They have known each other since they were infants and play together all week. Up until now, all the boys were invited to every birthday party. Last week one boy, "Ben", with whom my son plays frequently, had a birthday party and didn't invite him. My son was teased on the bus by "Ben" as well as the other boys about not being invited to the party. My son is devastated. He adored "Ben" and considered him a close friend. He has no idea why he alone would be discluded.

I called "Ben's" mother to ask her if there was some problem between the boys that she had seen, and that I needed to understand the situation so that I could help my child. She told me she had let "Ben" write up his list for his party, had no input in it and had asked no question.

What do I do now? Do I still let him play with these boys? Do I invite them all to his party next month and ignore what happened? They're all he has.

To those asking about broadening his horizons: He is in many activities, but his closest friends were/are the ones he sees daily from our neighborhood. The kids he meets in sport etc seem to be in the same boat... they like to do the sports, but mostly hang with whoever is in their neighborhood. No one seems to have time or room in thier schedules for more friends around here.

I have to admit, I'm really leaning towards blaming the MOM. She should have made sure he didn't hurt someone so close to him. The party was large...there was just no excuse.

Answer 1

It is possible that leaving the responsibility up to an eight year old boy that he just forgot. I would tend to think it was an oversight rather than purposeful. Don't cut contacts now. See what happens. Invite them to the party and see what happens. Step in if there is meanness going on. Kids can be really mean to each other. Sometimes I think that they may believe it makes them look more important. This is a time to take to discuss values and friendships with your son. These are important lessons. Other negative things are going to happen. They always do. Be open with allowing your son to talk and giving him a hug when he needs it. Don't be over protective. He needs to learn how to deal with this as he gets older. Just be there for him.

Answer 2

oh man that is so sad!

i remember that kinda thing happening to my son when he was 2 - 3 years old

the mothers that i hung out with just would talk to me all year and then when it came to party times they just didn't invite us and ONLY us (it wasnt just one family that did it to us - it was about half a dozen of them)

i asked them why and they said 'well you have problems with your son dont you' (my son has mild asperbergers - and is now doing well at school and is considered a model pupil)

it hurt more than i can say so i can understand how you and your son feel

when it came to my sons birthday i decided NOT to go to the trouble and expense of having a birthday party which included those unfriendly backstabbing people - instead we went in a special daytrip out together inviting my foster sister and family too who happen to have a son a similar age to my boy

the mother of the other boy ought to have done something about it and the other boys were being just plain cruel

you said 'they are all he has'

i am thinking perhaps help him broaden his horizons and find other friends so that he is less dependant on those boys who have let him down in such a hurtful way.

hugz to you both

Answer 3

take him some place special the day of the party make the plans asap but don't let him know that's why yo made the plans because he wasn't invited take to a major baseball game or something and yes invite everyone next month act like it never happened

Answer 4

I wonder if the birthday boy was given a limit on the number of people he could invite by his Mom. And his Mom not thinking that there are 8 boys? If the boys are not treating him meanly, just invite them and forget it.

Answer 5

It has nothing to do with your son doing anything wrong - it's the age.

When they are little, they have the usual spats, when they get older they start selecting one to pick on.

Not sure why they do that. For a while it will be your son on the outs and later on it will be someone elses kid. (Girls are even worse)

Find something else fun for your son to do. Boy Scouts, little league.... Make his social world a bigger and better place.

Answer 6

well this is how it is sadly people i hang around in my neighborhood i dont invite to parties becuz i have WAY closer friends than them and ussally my parents dont want many people so i just take them out the list and all my friends do that too
doesnt he have friends from school, church etc.

Answer 7

i think of establishing the presents after the social gathering is a huge theory. it variety of looks like while presents are opened for the time of a social gathering there is purely approximately a hurry, lot's of trash, and rigidity to make certain who the present is from and write it down for the thank you notes. Plus you have bunches of little ones who choose to make certain or play with the presents, and young little ones who sense accountable and embarrassed while they did no longer deliver a contemporary as extravagant as yet another young little ones. i think of establishing the presents after the social gathering, makes their birthday excitement final longer, and you do no longer might desire to hurry. particular some human beings do choose to make certain your youngster's reaction to the contemporary, so possibly you need to take a image of your baby establishing or fidgeting with their present and deliver it alongside with the thank you notes?

Answer 8

let your son invite who ever he wants if he wnats to invite "ben let him but you cant tell him who to play with or who can come to his birthday paty/. let him choose.