by this wind i lay my dead and in my sins i hold my head so i might bleed free into the crack of forever inside eternity while the cloud cry white and the sky screams blue with love i shall see you near the rushing waves and cracking thunder my soul sheds torn asunder reduced to ashes in hell and feathers in heaven may the never talk and always stay silent while the quiet gives me not a token the darkness lives unspoken, within me the light shines near you without you only shadows breathe and madness teethes stolen tears on a finding wind where i lay my dead betwixt the sins where i hold my head in my dreams my fist be steady my muscles prone me body firm and ready asorbing the blues that life may strike me with in my minds eye i see a rocky rift where both my pain and sorrow seem to drift but i see me standing above the void you resting in my arms thou keepeth me strong your worried glance stops me from wrong and so by these winds i lay my dead and in theese sins i hold my head...
2007-09-15 15:00:24 · 4 answers · asked by Gundead Grimm the War Dog 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Put it into a poetic form. I know you're trying to go for something 'different' with this paragraph form, but there's a reason for poetic form, it makes it easier to follow.
The fact that it's so far to follow really destroys one of the greatest poetic messages I've ever read. So I woul really suggest structuring it.
2007-09-15 16:08:40 · answer #1 · answered by Psymon Illa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow....though a bit hard to follow as it's not in 'poetry' form, and there's a few grammatical errors, but otherwise that's one of the best works I've read recently.
2007-09-15 22:15:14 · answer #2 · answered by Norak D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very disturbing and poignant
thank you for this poem
peace
2007-09-15 22:26:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
too deep for me...(that means it's deep)
2007-09-15 22:43:34 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy Shamina Hercules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋