He hit my baby and me what do I do?

Question

I have been in a long abusive relationship. I let my Husband beat me badly and hit our three month old baby in head. We have been separted for senven month now. I miss him dearly so do the children. He says he has changed. I talked to him on the phone the other day. He yelled at me and talked about me so bad I knew if we were face to face, he would have beat me. What do I do DO I let him come back try it again or get a divorce. We have tried cousoling twice we never had more than two sessions. I need some help some support some advice. From men and women please!!

Answer 1

No matter how hard it might seem right now - the longer you go without communication with him - the more your eyes will open to the truth of the situation. A year from now once you have had time to heal and get your head on straight - you will wonder how he had such control over your mind and heart.

Stay away - allow yourself to heal and gain strength. The only way for him to remain in control of your head is to keep communicating with him.

I think you know for yourself already what to do. But right now you are REALLY weak and confused......give it time and move away from the situation emotionally.

It took me about 4 months after I made him stay away with no communication whatsoever to wake up one day and realize that I felt sorry for him.......that as small and ugly and worthless as (essentially) I allowed him to make me feel while we were together, I realized that he HAD to make me feel that small - because he felt even smaller on the inside. He felt out of control of his own emotions - whatever he had going on inside of him - he was too weak and/or not intelligent enough to grow out of it. He had a choice just like you man has a choice. But guess what - so do you. He needs counseling withOUT you. This is truly his issue, not yours.......

You can't fix that in him. Yes you read that correctly! As much as you think and honestly believe you can, you can't. It isn't your job to fix him. That would be like someone stopping another from smoking or over-eating - it isn't possible.

Don't you believe that your baby's health is worth you bucking up and getting strong? Have you thought about what your baby is going to go through in his future? The thoughts he will have about himself? How about the aggressive behavior being passed down? Do you want to some day look in your daughter in law's eyes and know that he has been hitting her? What about your grandchildren?

As hard as it is today - it would be even harder thinking about those things and staying don't you think?

Be strong, find your strength, it will get clearer and easier to stand on your own two feet.

Answer 2

First , do not go back to your husband. If he is not willing to get help and complete the sessions and show you that he has changed don't waste your time. Second, Your children depend on you to protect them. If you cant protect your children the state will take your children way from you. Foster care is not any fun. Also this man hit a 3 month old baby he has major issues to hit a defensly baby. Third you need counseling and so do the children. Give yourself and the kids a chance. Lastly, Make a list of pros and cons about your husband. I guantee the cons will out weigh the pros.
Dont let your children grow thinking this the way a man should treat a woman. Because they will continue a the pattern they learn from YOU. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!!!! Those kids need you.

Answer 3

It is always good to try and reconcile your marriage, but when abuse is involved this is not a good idea especially when the children are in danger of abuse as well. The first thing I would have done was stand up for myself even if it meant going ballistic for a moment or two especially after hitting my child. Do you have a cast iron fryer in your kitchen? A man is weak, weak, weak when he hits a woman and a baby that is just way out there. You have from what I gather allowed this man to abuse you for some extensive time. You have to care for yourself and your kids safety before even thinking of reconciling with this man. Seven months, he's just missing the things that you do around the house that he did not realize before. Be strong give it some more time, absence makes the heart grow fonder and in his case realize your position as his wife.

Answer 4

Your husband is talking "nice" to you to get you back with him. He's doing this because you probably haven't left him with the determination that you now have.

While I have never been hit or beat by my husband, I have been in a relationship that was verbally abusive. Please understand that you should not go back to him. If you can "forgive" him for beating you, think about your child. There is no reason to beat or hit a child - especially one that is 3 months old. It doesn't matter that it was an "accident" as he will say. The bottom line is that he lost control of his feelings and struck out. He will say that the baby got hit accidently, or that he/she was crying/making noise, whatever and deserved it. No. He is wrong. He is wrong when he raises a hand to you and he is wrong when he raised a hand to your child. A good man, a good father, a good person, will not do this. You deserve better. Your child(ren) deserve better. Do not go back with this man. Further, if it were me, I would file charges of spousal abuse and child abuse against him. He should never be alone with you and he should never be alone with your children.

Now if he says something like "you can't take care of yourself", "you'll never make it without me" - anything in that area - he is trying very hard to get you to come back under his control. DO NOT GO THERE. HE IS WRONG.

You can make it without him. You will make it without him. NEVER settle for someone like him. GET A DIVORCE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

Answer 5

Going back to him is out of the question. He hasn't change and he won't. He will always be abusive. You and your three children are better off without him. You need to get a divorce, you owed to yourself and the kids. That isn't love, when a man does what he did is not love. He is a mental case, and believe me, he is not going to change. I have seen this throughout my life. Abusive men belong in jail. God gave you those three kids, you have to love them and protect them. Keep them away from him. What kind of a monster hits a three month old baby. Take my advise and get as far as you can from that monster.

Answer 6

You need to leave him alone. Once a beater always a beater. My exstepdad beat my mom all the time and also the kids. The kids are older now and we are all messed up in the heads over it. If I was you and if you really love your kids,do not have anything to do with that man. Because the abuse does not stop!!! It doesn't matter if he said he will/have changed. Yeah, he might have changed for alittle bit once y'all get back together,but I know for a fact the beating with start again. Pleaseeee if you have any respect for yourself and your children you will divorce that man!

Answer 7

He said he changed but screamed at you over the phone which says that he hasn't changed at all. You are doing the right thing by staying out of that relationship. He could have killed your child and you. You can't go back to that ever again. You will always have a place in your heart for him but he doesn't truly love you because if he did he would not hit you and the baby. Stick to your guns and stay away. Your kids need you to be there for them and you can't do that dead. Good Luck and you can connect to me anytime to talk.

Answer 8

Divorce him, don't ever talk to him again and get a restraining order, not just that but try to have strong male friends around you as much as you can, to keep you safe from him. He hasn't changed and he never will, and he has no reservations about lying to you and saying he has. I would like to stress, never talk to him again it will just make you feel worse, with him having hit your baby, there is no chance the court will allow him even partial custody so there is no reason to put your children through what he is willing to do.

Answer 9

Call the National Domestic Violence HOTLINE IMMEDIATELY!! 1-800-799-SAFE and tell them what yuou have shared with us.

The rest of this comes from their website.


At the National Domestic Violence Hotline… We believe that every caller deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. We believe that every family deserves to live in a world free from violence. We believe that safe homes and safe families are the foundation of a safe society.

Until the violence stops, the hotline will continue to answer…One Call at a Time. Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 140 languages through interpreter services. If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Answer 10

NO!
No matter what they say they will never change. Even though you have been apart and he says hes changed hes abusive pattern is still there. You should get a divorce for your safety and that of your children. A man who ever harms his children has serious issues and needs immediate counseling. I know you miss him but that is because you probably feel like you dont deserve better, BUT YOU DO DESERVE BETTER!!