Am I wrong to feel this way?

Question

My boyfriend and I just found out we are having a little girl. Before we knew the sex we made a deal that I would pick the boy name and he would pick the girl name (only because I had the boy named picked since before I met him). He has now picked a name that I truthfully HATE. Since this is my FIRST child and his second, and the fact that I am carrying the baby, dont you think I should have some say. Im not saying that he can't pick the name he just needs to pick something I dont absolutely hate. I know its going against "the deal" we made, but I feel like I should have some kind of say it my child too.

Also with his first child he had NO say in the name, dont you think he should understand how I am feeling? Why should he put me through the same ordeal he went through?

He tells me I am being selfish for going back on our deal..

The name is Roxanne... His last name is Hoch.. It doesnt even flow very good.. and no he actually liked the boy name, which not that it matters was Dakota

Just so people clearly understand his first child was with another woman.. He had no say in that child's name.. Now he is having a child with me and this will be MY FIRST child, his SECOND.

Answer 1

First of all, you should NEVER make such a "deal." LOL Both parents really do need to at least like their child's name, so it's quite nearsighted -- and unfair to both parent and child -- to give the other parent free reign. But you know that by now ...

Short of going back on your word, I think you need to have an honest discussion with him. Let him know that the name IS his choice, but that you feel you should still have a say (this is only fair). I'm not saying you should come to him with lists and lists of names that do meet your approval, or that he should feel obligated to abandon a name he loves if you do find it tolerable (in other words, if you're just nixing things to try and hold out for a certain name or something LOL), but you should have veto power. He gets to come up with the lists and ultimately choose the name, but anything you truly hate should not make it past the first round.

And really, why would he WANT to choose a name he knows you dislike so strongly? That doesn't seem like a good relationship, know what I mean? In other words, if he's any sort of gentleman, he'll concede to the above and at least give you veto power over anything you really don't like.

Hope that helps, and good luck!

Answer 2

Honestly just talk to him about it. Explain that he knows how it feels to have NO say in a child's name. Say you thought it was a good idea but now you feel left out and that you would like an opinion 2. Let him be the ultimate decided but help him narrow it down to a couple names you BOTH like. I'm sure he will understand. If not your the mom and can put what you like on the birth certificate. (just kidding...that's not nice either :) If your husband truly loves you he'll understand.

Answer 3

Tell him you hate it, explain that even though you made a deal you want to be in the process too now. Maybe you can pick the first name and he can pick the middle.. Me and My boyfriend went through this a million times until we FINALLY decided on a name we both liked, so now we are both pleased and can't wait for our little to be here.

Answer 4

Explain to him how you feel. If he doesn't listen, then it doesn't bode well for the relationship anyway. Absolute deals should only be made between 12 year olds - you will have to live with the choice forever, so talk to him.

Don't be confrontational. Just explain to him how you feel calmly but firmly, and hopefully you can make a compromise. Don't tell him that your right is greater than his because this is your first child and his second, as that will probably offend him.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Making absolute deals like that wasn't a good idea. It's a shame you can't negotiate something like your baby's name.
You could always call her by a nickname... like Roxy or Annie.
I think Roxy is a cute name though! Did you wonder what would have happened if he hated Dakota?
But perhaps you choosing the middle name might help.

Don't make this an issue where you end up losing him.

Answer 6

No you're not wrong to feel this way. Your boyfriend should be willing to choose a name that you BOTH like. It's very unfair of him to choose one that you totally dislike. Maybe you could agree that he gets to write down all the names that he loves - get him make a BIG list. And then you get to choose your favourite name from his list. That would be a nice way to do things.

And if he really LOVES the name Roxanne tell him that you're willing to use it for a middle name instead. That way you aren't totally going back on your agreement. :-)

Answer 7

If it were a boy and he hated the name would you let him choose another name? It is sounding as if you would not. This is your side of the story and it does sound like you are going back on your deal.
All in all this is something your child will have to live with. So you all need to think of the child.

Answer 8

Dakota can make a good girls name too :) but if that doesnt work then you can comprimise with him like, pick out a different name and ill let you keep anne and you can choose the middle name.. so the name could be like Kelly-Anne whatever

Answer 9

why don't you use Dakota as a girls name? if you really like it, and so does he, then you should use it. i know you picked it out for a boy, but you both like it. maybe you could alter the spelling for a girl. like dacotah or something else. you should both be happy with the name for your child

Answer 10

That's why making these sort of "you name this sex and I name this sex" can come back and haunt you. Explain to your boyfriend that you are having second thoughts about that, and want to pick the name TOGETHER, and find something you both like. Those sort of deals can only lead to someone being angry.