I have an important question about my daughter?

Question

I was doing laundry and i found a condom in my daughter's pocket. She's only 12!!!!!!! I'm very worried because she's allready had her period! Please help me. I don't know what to say or do.

Answer 1

I would confront her. You two need to talk about it, but be sure to tell her you're not mad about the condom. She needs to know that while you do not approve of her having sex, you do appreciate the condom. You can try to keep her from being alone with a guy, but there are always ways for her if she chooses. You need to communicate with her so she can make a good choice. Let her know that with sex comes the worry of pregnancy, hepatitis, HIV, STDs and a lot of emotional baggage. Let her know that even with a condom she can still get all of the above and is it really worth risking her life?

Answer 2

Hey Sweety, Yeah i can see you panicking..12 years old and a condom Wow!!!... First of all make sure that you and your daughter have a good relationship this is important that way she doesn't feel like OMG here it comes..yada yada yada...I have a 14 y/o and when she was 12 I found a bag with several different things contraceptives in it I nearly hit the ceiling...But went to my daughter and ask will you tell me about this please? She said sure Mom...we got those in Sex Ed..the teacher gave us(the whole class) one of these bags and we discussed and talked about STD's and all. Hearing this i was relieved...So before you set your mind on something horrible, calmly ask her about them and try to be cool cal and collective, Yelling screaming and bi**hing isn't going help matters, one if she is thinking about sex it could push her into doing it just because and that is not what neither one of you want. and It is very possible that the school has handed them out to all the kids I don't know school do this, I feel it's the parents job to handle things like this but some schools do hand out and give out sex protection kits and baggies. Remember to stay calm and sincere It could be nothing and if it is being calm will help you both talk out a lot of important subjects. Hang in there hun Best wished and good luck. Warm hugs KE =)

I am, available if you need to talk with me.=)

Answer 3

I would confront her immediately. Only I would plan an alone time and begin asking her questions about her friends, boys, after school activities etc before jumping right into it.
number one, she may be hoping you found it and can talk.
number two, kids need boundaries and she may appreciate you telling her your opinions about sex and giving her a reason"My Mom would Kill me" for not having sex at such a young age.
I would NEVER give permission to do so, or tell her it's her decision - she's not capable of making that decision on her own.
We really have to all do our part to help bring back a sense of self respect and honor to our young women, so many of them are sucked into the world of sex, and morals and respectability have gone out the window. The young girls I speak with about this are generally looking for something they are lacking - not necessarily something you aren't giving her, but something - and other girls (and boys) tell them this is a way to find it - or at least forget about it.
Ask her what the pull is for her, ask her if she's scared about it. Ask her if someone is pressuring her or if for some reason she feels empowered by it and why. ASK ASK ASK, and then let her talk - and quietly listen, and ask some more if it doesn't make sense to you.
I find that just when you are ready to speak your mind, if you stop and ask another question (ask them if they can help yuo understand) they actually tell you a lot more than they would have the other route.
I'm betting she'll be grateful that you did.

Answer 4

Its very important for the mother 2 talk w/ her daughter very freely-like Friends. My mother used to ask me always if I like any guy from school n she told me when I got my periods=everything about periods, pregnancy. I remember her telling me that I have 2 be careful because Im young n if i do smth foolish its going 2 be embarrassing for the family n my friends wont like me anymore-guys will talk about me in school, all they want is just 2 play girls n after they get what they want-they wont care anymore for u. Always I had in mind that I have 2 wait until i grow up n find someone special n after i know him well n im sure he loves me-then I'll sleep w/ him. And actually thats what i did n he was very happy n loved me more for waiting for him. Go tell her that u find condom on her pocket n you need some explanation about that. Be careful, don't let her goin parties, don't let the computer in her room (give her certain hrs to use comp-only for home-work). Stay close 2 her, don't be aggressive or anything because they dont like that n will be scared later on 2 talk w/ u because she will think that u're very strict n dont understand. I don't know if this helps n srry for my English. Stay close n be as much friendly w/ her as u can, its very delicate age. You also can search for this stuff at www.google.com n find some websites for teens and how to talk w/ them.Good Luck! =]

Answer 5

Don't freak out yet. She could have gotten it in health class or something like that.

You need to talk to her ASAP. Don't give her a stern lecture, she might not want to tell you everything if you start off assuming things and getting mad. Make some sundae's or something and sit her down. Show her the condom that you found in the laundry, and tell her that you didn't want to jump to conclusions before finding out what was up with it. If she is having sex, then I think you know what to say to her... the dangers of it... etc etc. See how she feels.

If you find out she is having sex and you don't know how to handle the situation, ask on yahoo answers again.

Best of luck!

Answer 6

i also suggest that you sit down with her and be honest. tell her you were doing the laundry and found it and would like to discuss if she is sexually active or not.

Then go from there. share some of your life experiences with her ( mistakes you've made or not made as example). Talk to her about STD's and Pregnancy. The fact that condoms can break, and some std's are orally transmitted.

So sorry to be so graphic, but these kids know more than you think nowadays and we can't sugar coat it. They seriously believe "it" can't happen to them, 'till it does.

Trust me on this, my 20 year old daughter is pregnant and has an STD and she cries about it everyday. All she keeps saying is "I should have listen to you mom"...... :-(


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SORRY, BUT I DO NOT AGREE WITH THE OTHERS WHO ARE SAYING TO "APPRECIATE HER USING CONDOMS". SHE SHOULD NOT BE HAVING SEX AT 12 YEARS OLD AND I WOULD NOT SUGGEST TO HER THAT IT'S OK AS LONG AS SHE USE A CONDOM IF I WERE YOU. SHE SHOULD BE PRACTICING ABSTINENCE FOR A WHOLE LIST OF REASONS THAT ALL WOMEN ON HERE ARE QUITE AWARE OF!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

You have to make her understand that she's at that age now where boys aren't just "boys" anymore. You should talk to her calmly, don't over do it and explain your reason for talking to her about it then ask her what she feels about the situation by allowing her to be honest and opened with you. Make sure you don't have those "looks" that parents give when their child is talking to them about sex, and be patient remember she's 12 and at that age every girl thinks they're 21! just because they've got their period. For every answer she gives you, you give her an explanation and if you can't find one ask her what she thinks she's trying to say. Then of course ask her to be patient and careful not to be pressured by her peers and always and I mean always talk to her about it, let her understand that you are not only her mother but an older woman who has been in her situation but always make sure she's ok talking to you about it and don't be like her peers and pressure her because one things for sure FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT; don't make her have to turn to someone else.

Answer 8

i know you probably worried right now, but just relax a little. i know that might seem impossible, but just relax. now alls you need to do is go talk to you daughter. word of the wise though, don't get all in her face about it otherwise she might shut down and just tune you out, teenagers are notorious for that. just ask her hey i found this in your pocket, could you tell me maybe what going on, as gentle as you can. just be easy on her. hope everything is turns out ok. hope this helps.

Answer 9

Ooh tough one. Hope she isn't having sex. But if she is, then at least she's safe. Now it's possible she got it from school. They do give them out to kids, even that young, in health classes and stuff, not necessarily so they use them but just so they see how they work. It could also be as a joke from someone, or peer pressure (someone gives it to her and she doesn't refuse, that sort of thing).

You could bring it up gently, but if she does have something to "hide", then be prepared for a bad reaction.

Answer 10

wow.... ididnt even know what a condom was when i was 12!
simply ask her jsut say u found it in her pocket... maybe u have nothing to worry about. dont act mad at her and make sure u say that other wise she prolly will lie to u