My kids are 2 and 5 and I have a part time job, I need my husbands help with my two year old, my husband is home while I am at work. He owns his own buissness and on occasion needs to oversee jobs.He insists I get daycare. I want my husband to help more. Am I expecting too much?
2007-09-15 12:10:19 · 26 answers · asked by James 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not different. Why should a child who wasn't asked to brought into a marital situation have to feel unloved by a step parent.
It is each spouse's responsibility to provide love and support for all children in the household.
2007-09-15 12:17:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on the frequency of his absences. If he bolts when a diaper needs changed or a bottle warmed then it would seen he's shirking responsibilities.
My stance on this is, if you want the woman/man, you take all the baggage that comes with it. Likewise with the man, you knew the circumstances before hand and waiting until after the ceremony to talk about it or try and change things isn't the way to go. Once the vows are said, you're locked in and have agreed to the circumstances.
What was the agreement before you got married? If he has his own business working from the home then there will be times that he has to leave and can't be hauling the carpet monkeys along with him, that only works out well on T.V.
Being your own boss doesn't always entitle you to pick and choose your schedule. Most business owners have more on their hands than the average person can realize. The have to schedule work, workers, figure cost and expense, report earnings, file taxes, do inventory among a dozen other things just to keep his business/bread box running. Even in the day and age where much of it could be out sourced, he still has to interact with these people to coordinate the work load.
Most men are crappy multitaskers, it's best to look for alternatives if he has to do both.
2007-09-15 19:34:53 · answer #2 · answered by Barney 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a 2 year old when I met my current husband and I still joke that he married me so that he would have someone to play with. I made it clear from the start that we are a package deal. He stepped in and little by little took over all things "daddy" related. My son is now 8 we have a 4 year old together and you wouldn't know the difference unless I told you. I had talked about haveing another child because I wanted to give him a son of his own and he insist that he has his son and if just fine by that.
I was raised by a step dad, and he is and always will be my dad. maybe I just got lucky but I could not be with my husband if he didn't accept my child 100%
2007-09-15 20:24:34 · answer #3 · answered by Brandi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No not at all. But thing is you should have talked to him about how he felt about your kids first before getting married. I mean I'm sure he said he would love them and stuff. But still just because he said he loves them and such he probably doesn't feel he should get involved because they aren't his. Now if he told you that up front you can't really force him to help you with your kids. But I think you should talk to him about being a united front with the kids. And that he is allowed to discipline them and feed them and take care of them like his own. Actually show he is a parent to them. Because when they get older I'm sure they will have some questions and be wondering why "daddy" isn't treating them like their friends fathers treat them and stuff. So I suggest talking to him about being a more active parent in their lives. I'm sure its either the fact he feels he has no say in regards to them because they aren't his kids and he doesn't want to cross any lines with you. Or could jus be the fact that he is one of those men that just wants the woman and doesn't want to raise children that aren't his own. Again you should have talked about this before you got married.
P.S. Nothing wrong with daycare either. Because he can't take the 2 year old with him when he goes to over see different jobs. That would be very unprofessional and if he feels he can help pay for the day care bills and such then I say go for it if he is too busy at home.
2007-09-15 19:24:12 · answer #4 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a very fine line when there are step children involved in a marriage. All desciplinary actions, parenting and so on must be done by the biological parent. The step parent can be involved with the children as in taking them places and doing things with them and so on. IF you didn't sit down and discuss before you got married that you expected him to be a babysitter, chances are you are not going to get him to do this now.
In his eyes, he doesn't feel the responsibility to care for your children. So, I highly suggest not to push the issue, but find alternate care. In the meantime, sit with him and talk to him about helping you and what he feels about it. If he says "it's not my responsibility", then he is right.
Many marital problems come out when step-children are involved. The biological parent gives the step parent full range regarding the children and then when things don't go the way the biological parent wants them to go, the step-parent gets the heat.
Start working on this NOW because it will get much more difficult as the children get older and can say "he's not my father and I don't have to listen to him."
2007-09-15 19:30:31 · answer #5 · answered by Patty G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My girlfriend has an 8 year old daughter and I raise her like she is my own except when it comes to discipline that is her job to do i feel. Unless the daughter gets out of hand with my girlfriend then i step in and say something but otherwise i raise her just as if she were my own. I love her to death and would do anything for her, and her mom and i aren't even married or engaged yet. My girlfriend tricked me i answered this under her sign in name sorry for the confusion.
2007-09-15 19:22:47 · answer #6 · answered by Ami Fox 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when he took the vow to marry you
i assume he took on the responsiblity for better of for worse.
if you have step children, personally i would treat them like my own, but that is just me and sometihing i would do and that is part of who i am.
maybe he just doesnt have tollerance for children of 2 and 5.
believe me! 2 and 5 are troopers alot of work and lots of responsibility for anyone especially someone busy!
whew! no time for juggling or nothing!
i suggest, get a baby sitter. that would releave the pressure. then i suggest, you and him spend a nice quite dinner out and a nice evening maybe take in a show, a movie just the two of you for some quality time. you need that. you both need it. if you want him to help more,
tell HIM to pay for the baby sitter and let that baby sitter do everything you cant for the children when you cant be with them. that seems feesible. try it. good luck.
2007-09-16 15:02:44 · answer #7 · answered by 3LL3 e VAT3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First understanding children are just little bundles of love.In my former life I took this challange with 3 step children.They were my best friends,I felt guilty going out without them.The 2 oldest grown and gone,the youngest "girl" has blessed me with 2 grandsons.So now i'm a step g-mom and no one even thinks about it.Love for kids is forever.
2007-09-15 19:39:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn' t matter if he is the step dad or the actual dad..he will act the same and wont help. Worry about yourself and your kids. Ultimately they are your responsiblity. Get day care get a better job and get a seperate account and start putting your own money in savings. You'll need it.
2007-09-15 19:21:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what he is doing, On his free time is he there for the children? Maybe he's away tring to earn more money for the family. I think you two really need to have a sit down and discuss these issues that are important for you and the litle ones. It seems he's not doing right here.
2007-09-15 19:49:20 · answer #10 · answered by tigerashes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋