To go or not to go?

Question

My husband goes fishing all the time, which i am totally cool with, but i am home with the kids when he goes. i dont mind that he wants some away time to relax, but i need my time to relax too. My best friend is comming into town next weekend and she wants to go out for a girls night. Maybe to the casinio or to the bar for a few drinks. My hubby doesnt want me to go cause i am the only married one in the group(whick i dont understand cause i am totally faithful), plus i dont like it when he goes to the bar without me, because the last time he went he got all stupid and got a DWI. So he hasnt been out to a bar since March, infacthe hasnt gotten completely drunk since then. I havent drank in over a year because i just had a baby last month.
So i guess my question is, should i go with my friends even if it makes him mad? if i do how do i make him understand that i need time too, i have told him, but he doesnt get it. How do i make him understand without getting into another arguement?

Answer 1

say, thank you, i really hear you and understand your position, but i am here all the time, never give you a hard time about being with friends, and, this is a rare chance for me to see my girlfriend. i am going. i wont overdo it, i wont be drunk, and i will come straight home afterward.

then, do it. leave respectfully and come home the same way.

now, if he insists you dont go, or, he punishes you before or afterward, you need to write another question.

the actions i outlined above are all you should ever need to do. are you his prisoner? of course not! are you a ****? of course not! so, hold your head up and go and have a good time. sometimes guys do this to see how far they can push you.

Answer 2

GO. You need it and if you don't go and get some down time your going to resent him more than if you just go and deal with his buttheadedness, then every little thing he does or says is going to be recourse for resentment. He is going to have to understand that in order to make him happy and not resent him for the down time he gets with his friends, then he needs to think about how he would feel in your shoes. Why is it ok for him to break away and have fun, relax, with friends and not you. Ya know what would really get him, ask him if his issue is that he doesnt trust you, that you have given him no reason not to trust you so what is HE doing when he goes out that he is afraid your going to do.
If he is willing to tell you that you can't get away, or hang out with friends and be YOU after just having a baby and being someones wife, someones mother every other minute of every day, then he can follow the same rule. See how fast he lets you go then.

Answer 3

I say go and have fun. You are to trust him when he is out, why can't he do the same. You won't be getting drunk and DWI's, you are faithful, what is his problem. If he can go fishing with his buddies and bars you deserve some time too.
He can like it or lump it. When you go he will probably go somewhere anyway, big deal, nothing new. Enjoy yourself.There is no need in either of you getting close to drunk at all.

Answer 4

I would say go! Why should he tell you where you can and can't go.....it isn't like you are spending every weekend out with the girls at the bar. He is not wanting you to go because you are the only married one? That is so ridiculous. I am married and I go out with my girlfriends occasionally to night clubs without hubby....and I see how a bunch of single women act compared to a group of guys....and it doesn't matter if the men are married or not. Most of them act like buffoons. Sounds like your husband doesn't trust you......you being the married one would keep the others in line...if the need should arise.

Answer 5

You need time out, just as he gets time out to go fishing.
If you can't get out of the house to go hang out with your friends, then he can't go fishing.
What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
Marriage is a partnership. Everyone needs their time out and everyone must pitch in their time in.
It isn't fair if you are the only one who is holding things together.
If he will not help by looking after the kids while you so see your friends, then you will have so find a babysitter.

I would also suggest marriage counseling, since he is not acknowledging your needs.

You can hang out with your friends without ever drinking.
This isn't about drinking... this is about your having reasonable freedom and him pitching in to help at home.

Answer 6

Going to clubs with the girls especially since u havent drank in a long time is an accident waiting to happen. Recipe for disaster. You have a few drinks,laughs with your friends and start getting buzzed and loose. Next thing u know, a guy like me comes around and starts entertaining you and make feel so sexy and hot you start not rembering your married. Next thing you know youre all over me like an animal that never had a man. I know what youre saying--not you. YES YOU! Your friends will have a hard time prying u away from me and you will argue with them and make an asss of yourself. The next day you are going to need a lot more than some time to yourself. Next, Im done here.

Answer 7

Go with your friends, I'd say, along with the goose gander argument.

Consistent with that though, is avoiding the bar scene if that's what he's supposed to do. Maybe he and a single friend could join you when it's time to go to the bar, or just tell your friends that it's one of your boundaries. Good friends would be cool with that.

Answer 8

There's nothing to make him understand. He has his time going fishing, you're going out with a friend that's in town. If there's a argument behind this, it's because he's been up to no~good. So what he needs to understand is that if you can be home with the kids while he's out with his friends, then he can sit his butt @ home while you're out. Marriage is based on trust, & that is what he needs to understand.

Answer 9

Why don't you all go out to dinner instead? There is always at least one more good choice. I don't think "the bar" is a good place for any married person to hang out.