How do I get my husband to get something done without haranguing him?

Question

Seems like we always end up acting like a mom and her eighth-grader arguing about homework. But I've tried pretty much all the constructive ways I could think of to get him going on a project. On the last couple of home improvement projects, we worked on it together, and it was difficult getting him going. I would have to do all the research (borrow the books from the library and learn how to do it) I would draw out the plan and list all the material we need. This time around, I'm too busy with a baby, so I tell him it's his project. It's a project that might take a couple of weekends, so we agree on a deadline that's months away, in October. Now, with a couple of weekends left, he's still not doing any research, drawing out a plan, figuring out what he needs. And only after we end up having a big fight does he even start looking into it. This is an awful pattern to get into, but how do I get out?

Also, he's equally into these things getting done DIY. I suggested that we hire someone, but he's adamant that this latest project is simple enough for him to do alone.

Answer 1

If your house is comfortable, then maybe put the home improvements on the back burner for a while. Just concentrate on being a mother to your child. Maybe the home improvements are more important to you than they are to him, so you are asking him to do something that he doesnt really want to do, hes probably happy with the house as it is. Maybe he doesnt want to spend any more money on improving the home. Just relax a bit, if he wants to improve your home, it will get to a stage where he will decide to get moving on his own. You nagging at him will only cause you stress and annoy him. Let it go for a while.....a new baby takes all your time, so you need to let the home impovements go for the time being and just enjoy your baby.

Answer 2

You already know that he's unmotivated so why get yourself all worked up and argue with him.

Want to make him feel guilty? Have your dad or brother come over and help you do the project.
If he was any kind of a man, he'd be embarrassed and come out to help too.

Next time he wants sex, tell him he'll have to schedule it in months in advance so it gives him something to look forward to.

Answer 3

Let him know that if he won't do it, you'll hire someone to do it for him. That might get him motivated. Or if you have a friend that is good with projects ask him to lend a hand, this might motivate your husband, he won't want anyone to know he is lazy.

Answer 4

This issue is yours.
They are your projects, on your timetable with your anticipated results.
Where doe he have any investment in their completion?
Perhaps that would be the problem.
Trying to motivate someone to something that is unnecessary to them is difficult at best.

Maybe you should get him to agree on a project before it starts.

Answer 5

You can't change him, so if you want the project done on a certain time frame do it yourself and make him watch the baby.

Answer 6

honestly, and I know you might not like this but you really need to come through for him with something that he really likes and use that as a bartering tool...example..."hey hon'..if you get this thing done by Friday, i will wear that lingerie thing you like friday night, ok?"....I know people don't like to use sexy things as a tool, but it does work....the sad thing is usually what the guy likes the wife doesn't take 2 seriously....but if you know what he likes and you don't offer it to him that much then reward him when he rewards you.

Answer 7

Hire a handyman. A cute one.

Answer 8

i'm gonna look up the word "haranguing" and get right back to ya.

Answer 9

your man is plain lazy, ask his mother.