My boyfriend whom I have been with for a year now with a lot of ups and downs, told me, over dinner:
'Do you know that you are my love? Our relationship has changed drastically and I now feel very confident about it. Before that, YOU were unsure about your feelings. NOW you are sure, and I am sure...'
I was a bit taken aback because I did not feel like entering a serious convo! So I just smiled to him...
Does he mean that we are getting serious? Any input? Thanks in advance...
I must add something here: he DID ask me to marry him several times, but that was 6 months ago. At the time, I laughed a little, not acknowledging his proposal.
Then we broke up, my fault again. When he came back to me, and that was about 3 months ago, we both made an effort to be nice to each other; BUT, he did not mention 'marriage' again.
Any input please ? Many thanks in advance...
2007-09-15 09:41:09 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
*shakes head*
2007-09-15 09:48:05 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since you're able to express this question so well on the Internet, 'Does he mean we are getting serious?' you could ask him exactly the same question! What's stopping you?
He may smile and say, 'Serious enough to live together...' and then that opens a whole new topic. Do you want to get married? Then you could say, 'I'm a marrying kind of person, not a living together kind of person', leaving him the opening to start discussing marriage.
If you are already living with him, why are you doing that? Serious is such a relative word and you can be serious about each other and live together for the next 15 years and then break up.
It sounds like you are both not talking directly now about what your goals are in a relationship.
He did ask you to marry him and you laughed it off. How do you know that he's not thinking now, 'Whew, I'm in a low-level-commitment type of relationship for as long as I want to be. To think, I might have made a big mistake and gotten married!'
Hard to read his mind, isn't it?
So have a discussion about what you want long-term. Ask him what he wants long-term. Then try to figure out together if you both want the same thing.
2007-09-21 20:13:45 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I love it! You guys are so cute. But where the hell do you get off even considering the word marriage. That is something that so often is taken for granted as "the next step in our relationship". No! the next step for you is consistency in the relationship that is going on, or off, right now. Provide a stable base for this love to grow. No matter what age you are love is not constant. It wavers back and forth. Coming and going. Up and down. Yin and Yang. Try to be unconditional and see if you guys can create early bliss for at least a couple of years. When you've reached that plateau you will feel it. It will be blissfully evident that you are bound to each other and that the love will seem to not be able to grow stronger, because you'll love each other so much. So please wait and let love grow. Don't make them same mistake I did, 3 times!
Create Early Bliss!
2007-09-22 13:10:58 · answer #3 · answered by createearlybliss 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, i would say if he asked you to marry him, he thought you were in a serious relationship. He probably wont mention marriage again, not for a while anyway, especially if you laughed, and did not acknowledge his proposal. I f you care about this guy at all, just be honest with yourself, and him. If you dont want to be in a serious relationship, then let him know. You could really hurt him, and yourself. A year isnt really that long of a time to be with someone. Good Luck
2007-09-23 16:24:33 · answer #4 · answered by livinlifetothefullest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've flipped flopped a lot in the past and laughed off his proposals, so I don't think he's going to put his neck on the line just to get it chopped off again until he knows how you feel, and you are NOT communicating with him. You are laughing it off and smiling and not saying anything. Not very encouraging. Is he proposing? No. He's trying to establish if it is worth proposing and so far nothing you are doing is proving that it is worth it. If you don't care about him, let him go. If you do and you want this, you'd better start saying so instead of just smiling. It doesn't sound to me like YOU are ready for marriage. Don't keep him hanging on when he could be out there finding a woman who really does want and appreciate him.
2007-09-22 16:01:12 · answer #5 · answered by JD 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, why are you questioning whether or not your relationship is getting serious based on what he has to say. You are the captain of your own ship. You need to examine how YOU feel about this. Are you ready to take this further. Do you want to marry this man. Answer those questions for yourself and then put forth your intentions. Act upon them and you will recieve all that you asked for.
2007-09-23 16:07:07 · answer #6 · answered by roberta d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE THIS MAN ALONE AND LET HIM GET ON WITH HIS LIFE - You are obviously not interested in anything serious with him - maybe you are in a safety zone - not wanting to be alone but not wanting to be committed. However, you know he'll stay because he loves you - Stop being so bloody selfish.
You laugh make little jokes, break up - Just remember this Missy Sue - What goes around comes around - and one day - the man you desire (and it could be him in 10 years) and LOVE - will keep you on an emotional Yo-Yo/Roller Coaster and then you'll be on here with
"Why won't he ask me to marry him"
Do yourself a favor and him and be honest - You just aren't into him.
Good Luck
2007-09-22 08:41:02 · answer #7 · answered by Eva 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
People are giving you some very serious feedback about your behavior in this relationship, which sounds tentative at best and immature at worst.
It does seem like you are playing this man, and it doesn't seem like you are committed to him or are ready to accept him as your one and only. You need to stop smiling and start talking -- from your heart, and not from anywhere else.
He has put himself out there and he is still standing before you, even though it seems you have hurt him time and time again. I really think couple's counseling could help you two. I see many pitfalls in things as they are, as you yourself have described them.
2007-09-23 13:02:55 · answer #8 · answered by Pamela B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grow up! You should also go straight to the horse's mouth to find your answers to your questions. Just open your mouth and ask him what you asked us. And even though you might not feel like having a serious convo; in your case, that probably is the perfect time to do it. So, again: grow up. I didnt mean to write so harsh. GB
2007-09-23 11:55:32 · answer #9 · answered by dwayne j 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
darling if you really feel for him then you should take a step forward this time coz when he proposed you that time you took it lightly... but now if you think that he will be the right kind of guy for your whole life and will understand you better than anyone else. think wjhat if you are not together and if you are used to him then better go ahead and ask him for marriage.
if you are not ready for marriage then tell him that you need some time and will decide soon and plan out things... all the best sweety...
2007-09-21 04:01:11 · answer #10 · answered by tisha k 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How do you think your amrragie is going to be if you are so up and down?
However if you guys haev reallly changed wait a good six months to see if this good thing sticks, and then confront the marrage proposal.
2007-09-22 17:51:05 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋