I am very confused about this whole divorce & custody issue. The man I am trying to see is divorced, has been that way for over 2 years, he is now in a custody battle between his ex-wife to get more access to his children - right now he can't take them out of the city, and only sees them with it is covenant for his ex-wife.
Now my confusion starts with wanting to have this relationship, but getting mixed signals from him ... one day we can be getting hot & heavy and the next day he's cold as ice towards me.... I don't know if he's been advised by his lawyer not to date someone right now, or if he has chosen that himself. I know this custody thing is taking allot out of him - emotionally, mentally, and financially, but what am I suppose to do?
Should I take a step back, and wait for things to calm down with the custody of his kids, and let him make the next move with this relationship? Or should I still be around, but in a less active nature?
2007-09-15 09:22:20 · 15 answers · asked by very_confussed 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't know your intentions and why you find him attractive or want to date him..but you would be helped out by reading a book..called Dating a divorced man. --it will help you ask the right questions and help him too.
Children are top prioirty, and he's being treated unfairly ..being kept from his kids...I don't know if this is for any good reason. But you are def one outlet for him to find refuge..the hot and heavy escape is healthy for him.
You can become his companion..but will need to understand the battle in play and find that the children are primary and you if you're the selfish type. and cannot see yourself as secondary to this custodywar battle...you won't make it.
It is not an easy journey but you should educate yourself and help him find balance and stress mgmt so you can enjoy the time you two have together.
Imagine how he will feel after all the pain he will go thru..why would he want to jump back in?
It is a sad world we live in.
2007-09-15 09:39:02 · answer #1 · answered by Shauno 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
understand that he DOES have to watch his "P's and Q's" right now. The courts will watch every move he makes and the ex can use this against him. If he is acting the way that you say then you also need to understand that like you said.... this is a long tiring process. I would however stand your ground. Let him know upfront that you care about him (and explain to what degree) then tell him that you are proud to be involded with such a great guy that loves him kids the way that he seems to, that is all to rare (ego boost even if it is true) Then tell him that you will not be givin the cold shoulder whenever he is in a bad mood or whenever he feels like. Ask him what he needs from you and then tell him what you expect from him. And if you are willing to back off alittle inorder for him to get this taken care of, then tell him so. The bottom line is that these are NOT your kids and IF this were to go further then you would have a role on thier lifes. You need to make your place kown now just in case.
2007-09-15 09:40:00 · answer #2 · answered by Brandi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him, be supportive and let him take the lead. He is under a lot of stress right now. Yes, his lawyer may be advising him to go easy on the relationship front as this could have a negative effect on his custody battle. Talk to him and express your concerns and see what he has to say. You will be able to get a good feel for where things stand just by listening to what he has to say.
2007-09-15 09:37:06 · answer #3 · answered by squidsgirl97 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd personally take a step back. It's a bad sign that he's blowing hot and cold. If you have a good relationship and communicate well, wouldn't he just tell you what his lawyer advised about your relationship? That way you could both come to an answer by talking about it. I'd step away from him, because he isn't emotionally available right now, and you deserve better.
2007-09-15 09:36:38 · answer #4 · answered by Astro 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you'll have to stick with being a father rather than a boyfriend. Not a lot of women want to date somebody's daddy, ya know? Maybe when the kids are grown and out of the house it'll be easier.
2016-05-20 04:36:21 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is not emotionally ready to date yet but hasn't admitted it to himself yet. I myself have been separated for 4 months and I know I'm not ready to date. I know I have too much emotional baggage. Granted, I no longer love my soon-to-be ex, but I am no way close to being over the hurt. I think you should be asking him these questions. Try not to feel hurt if the answers he gives you aren't what you want to hear. You have to understand he's going through a lot right now and his children are his #1 priority.
2007-09-15 10:21:02 · answer #6 · answered by Maureen B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him, let him know that you are getting the mixed signals from him and let him know that you understand about the situations with the ex and the kids and that you will support him no matter what. Also let him know what he is doing to you and that it is confusing you. Wish you the best.
2007-09-15 09:55:03 · answer #7 · answered by answersmaybe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, do you really want somebody with all this baggage? Life and relationships are complicated enough without trying to deal with all this too. His problems are his, and only he can solve them. Don't let yourself get drawn into a situation that is not your problem.. Find somebody else to date and fall for.. This guy will be dealing with child support and visitation til his kids are at least 18. There are so many other really nice single guys out there. Do yourself a favor and move on..
2007-09-15 09:39:14 · answer #8 · answered by Joanie 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
It's definately not the time to get involved with this man. He has a lot to sort out before he'll be ready for a relationship.
2007-09-15 09:43:28 · answer #9 · answered by chevygirl 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Consider stepping back. You thought of it yourself.
If the situation is difficult now, it may get worse.
Your involvement is unlikely to simplify the situation.
2007-09-15 10:23:33 · answer #10 · answered by ozzman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋