I need some positive advice please?

Question

It is my B-Day today and I am 27. I have 2 daughters,one is 10,the other 3. I left my hubby 9 months ago because his drinking was taking over all of our lives. He decided he didn't want to change for me or the girls so I have no choice but to divorce him.(I don't want to get in it cause it is a long story)Anyway,I am so upset with myself because I have nothing to my name and I am not getting any younger. I don't even have a Ged. I work at a grocery store and all these young kids are going off to school and it just makes me upset because I feel like my life is going nowhere. Has anyone out there gone through a situation like mine? I feel like my Birthday is a big slap in the face.

Answer 1

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
As we get older, birthdays don't have the same meaning as say 21 or so, but its still important to spend the day enjoying yourself, for no other reason that you deserve it. I'm 35, I was a single mom for quite some time, so I get what your going through. I'll let you in on a secret that your going to find out soon enough on your own. 30's are the best, your not a spring chicken anymore, but you are very far from over the hill. I dreaded being 30, but its not such a big deal now (i'm 35), and I think it is true that with age comes wisdom (or maybe I'm just full of a lot of bs) either way, 27 seems so young. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, you've made some tough decisions for yourself and your children, some women never get up the nerve to leave and start again. So congrads for that. Getting your ged is a priority, but so is taking care of your girls and working, so fit it in when you have time, some places offer correspondence or online classes, maybe look into that instead of actually going to a class (babysitter, time away from home, etc). Your life is exactly where it should be. Sometimes its good to spend time alone, reflect, see where you've been, plan for what you want. DO NOT let anyone tell you that your too picky or your this or that, you are old enough to know what you want out of life, so go for it. Eventually you will find someone who respects you for you and can manage the responsiblities of a family, until then and even after then, hang out with your girls, have fun, they will keep you young no matter how old you are. Don't worry about these kids who are going off to college, they have their own paths to follow, your on the right one, look at what you've accomplished already, raising two girls, you should be very proud of yourself. Let your 10 yr old bake you a cake (with some supervision) I'm sure that would thrill her to no end to make it for you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Answer 2

You're 27? I'm 53 and I finished my fourth degree last December. There is absolutely no reason you can't go back to school. In fact, a lot of people are doing just that today, learning new skills for the changing economy. So a lot of people are in the same boat as you: what they know how to do isn't in demand anymore.

Is there any reason you can't get your GED?
Not that I know of. And then you can go to a trade school or college to make yourself more marketable. Personally I would go trade school (my hairstylist does REALLY well) but base it on what YOU want to do.

My best friend was 40 when she divorced her husband, who was an alcoholic and abusive. She had two teen sons and a preteen daughter. She went back to a 2 year college, then to a 4-year college where she graduated summa *** laude in accounting. It took time, but she did it and she did it while she worked full-time for a real estate company.

There is absolutely no reason for your life to be over at 27! I have a feeling it hasn't even started yet.

Go take steps to get your GED. Move a muscle - change a thought. Just take the first little steps.

You can do it. Total idiots have, trust me.

Happy birthday!

Love
Puff

Answer 3

Happy birthday! Here is your gift. You are spending the first birthday in a long time, free of a man who never change, never get better and who will bring you constant pain. Good for you, step in the right direction. Now here is your other gift. Get yourself into an Alanon support group. You need to hear over and over again that you did the right thing for yourself and for your kids.

This is your foundation, here is where you start. As soon as you can, get your GED. It won't be easy but if you have a trusted friend or family member, or maybe your mom, ask them to watch the kids while you go to school. If not, then you will need to waiting until the youngest is in school. Take advantage of any program that your work has for further education, its your ticket to the future. Call the local Community College and tell them your situation and see if they offer anything for women in your situation. You are not the first one that has found herself in this situation and you won't be the last. Your goal is to show your daughters that life cannot beat them down if they just stick with it.

You made choices, not always good ones and what is happening is the consequences of your actions. The gift you have been given is the ability to see that its not good enough and to be determined to do better. Ask for help, and keep asking when you get turned down(you will, its life).

You are going a good job being a good mom to your daughters. You are working instead of turning tricks. You are smart enough to know that you can do better. Don't give up now.

Happy birthday, when this one is over its over. The next one will be better, I promise.

Answer 4

You will not make it on a grocery store salary forever. I will be pretty simple and to the point. I myself am 27 so I understand the life cycle clock ticking away. I am even trying to get into a computer program starting Mon.

Get your GED first because you won't get anywhere without it, end of discussion on that note. Go to a local college and talk to a counselor to put yourself on the right path.

As a single mother you are eligible for grants for vocational schools and colleges so you have no our of pocket money. It is never too late to start; remember that!!!

I put a link below for a Suze Orman book that is aimed at people like us. It is called Young, Fabulous, & Broke". There are lots of online resources. I so recommend this book for you because it helped me more than I can speak of.

This was not part of your question but I have to say something anyways...If he won't stop drinking hold the kids as leverage against him to help him stop drinking and/or pay alimony/support.

Answer 5

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Maybe it doesn't feel like it right now but you are on the right track. You left a downwardly spiraling situation to make a better life for you and your daughters, KUDOS!!! Not many women make such a life altering change out of fear, you DID it. You are still so young, life has many more surprises in store for you, but if you can make all decisions as firmly and wisely you are going to be fine. Just keep up the good work, keep wanting more from your life and you will MAKE a better life for you and your girls. When your little one starts school, go back yourself, 4 or 5 years of hard work could make a HUGE difference later on. Don't let it get you down about all the "kids" getting to go off to school, just keep telling yourself it WILL be you one day soon. Keep your head up, girl! One day your girls will look at you with pride and say "MY mom did it".

Answer 6

Dont. Do you have a dream like getting your GED and further schooling to better yourself. It wont be easy especially with 2 kids but it isnt impossible, but then nothing in life ever is. You just have to want it bad enough to go after it and let no one stop you. There is always a way but you must want it bad enough. You need to go for it instead of feeling sorry for yourself because no one out here will helpyou or your kids get to a better life except you yourself. Start with smallgoals at first like getting your GED and then set another goal and before you know it things are happening. Most companies helppay for education if you want to better yourself and who knows the supermarket whre you are just may have high hopes for you. You can do it. Good luck and Happy Birthday

Answer 7

I was married at 15, 2 children by the time I was 18, Also divorced at 17... Found some help with a financial aid program , got a GED.. and went to nursing school for 2 years that paid for a sitter for my kids ... Life goes on after divorce if your strong enough to get up and get moving

Answer 8

First off ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY and big {{{hugs}}}} to you! You have a lot on your plate right now and I applaud you for being brave enough to get out of a relationship that was obviously destructive to you and your daughters. Feeling like you are running in quick sand and seeing everyone else moving ahead of you can be hard on the best of days, but on your birthday it can seem impossible to overcome. But ... you are a strong person and I am sure you will make a better life for you and your daughters.
You have a computer, obviously .... have you checked in to getting your HS diploma on line? Check your local social services and see if they offer courses for your GED, or better yet .... your HS diploma. (if you are going to do it, do it all the way) .... in order for you to obtain a better job, they may offer assistance to help you get your diploma. Do you live close enough to family to have them help you out? Maybe sit with the kids a couple nights a week while you attend night school? Once you have that diploma in hand ... the sky is the limit girl!!
BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!!!

Answer 9

Happpy Birthday!

What ever the reason for the divorce, you are now on your own, go back to school and get your GED, it is not that hard to find a few hours a week to do this. when you get the GED, go for some classes in higher ED. that will open up a whole new world of higher paying and more interesting jobs.

AHHH to be 27 again! you have plenty of time. I raised 4 kids on my own and went through the same feelings. going back to school was the best thing I ever did.

Answer 10

Happy Birthday...
I hear ya... its not easy to be alone with two kids...struggling to put food on the table and just making ends meet.
I heard this motivating story the other day on Oprah... which made me believe that it is never too late to pursue a dream...
This grandmother... entered Yale medical school... she was a mother to 5 grown up kids.. but she always had a dream. She was married to a deadbeat who never supported her so she finally left him and began to focus again.
She was The first grandmother to ever graduate at Yale medical... can you imagine?
I too returned to College in my late 30's.... (married to an energy drainer, finally left him... whew best thing I ever did :))) then went on to University... even without support from family, I never gave up. There is always a way if there is a will.
So I promise you.... I know its hard right now... but that is just temporary, and look at the bright side, you got wonderful kids, a job, and you are at a wonderful time in your life.
Actually, I have always said.. the 50's seem to be my best yrs, I always want a new challenge. That is positive! Setting realistic goals and achieving them are wonderful motivators.
Good luck to you ....