IS is a bad idea to get back with an ex for the sake of the kid?

Question

I broke up with my ex about 7 months ago and my son lives at his house, cause I live in an apartment and want my son to have a house...I see him daily though so Im always there...he will be 3 in december..the thing is m not in love with his dad nor do I have any romantic feelings for him, but I dont want my son to hate me either later in life...what should I do, I shoudl also say Iam currently with a great guy who i do love, but I am worried about my kid.

Answer 1

From your description of the circumstances, it would be a huge mistake to go back.

You would be miserable, your Ex would be miserable, and most of all your child would be miserable.

Answer 2

The reason you don't love and have feelings for him is because there is another man involved. I've done what you're doing, 8 years ago. I live with regret every day of my life over the promise I broke, the hurt I caused my ex-husband, the pain I caused my SON, my friends and family. I've lived your life, and I'm here to tell you that the grass is NOT greener where you are. Yes, you need to go back and try harder for the sake of "the kid", who is actually YOUR child.

P.S. Did you have a volatile household before your affair? If not, your child will never be happier with you and your husband split up. EVER.

Answer 3

You should be worried about your kid. He didn't ask to be born in this world without a father because the two adults can't get along (unless there are things such as abuse, adultry, addiction). You should work it out if your ex isn't abusive, addicted or an adulterer. If YOU are any of these three then I hope your child's father takes full custody and YOU pay child support. This shouldn't be hard if you have "found someone" already. Boy....what if your new guy could only see you every other weekend? Would you have a strong relationship? That is what you are doing to your kid.

Answer 4

Yes, it's a terrible idea. In a way you are lucky, because he's young. That helps believe it or not. It would hurt your son more in the long run to have two parents together that don't get a long than two parents that are separated that do get a long. You could not make the marriage work because 1 - you don't love him and 2 - you don't have romantic feelings. I don't care who says what - sex is a vital part of a relationship. Your son will be fine. Just do what you can and be with him as often as possible and always give him lots of hugs and kisses and tell him you love him. Good luck.

Answer 5

Hun do not get back with the dad. That is not at all what you need to do. Instead stay with the guy that you are dating. You say you want to do this for the sake of the kid? Here's what you have to think about ok? I don't know how old you are but if this kid isn't old enough yet to discuss this with you I am going to guess you are young. Do you really want to be unhappy for the rest of your life? Do you really want to force yourself to be with someone you don't like? I really don't think you need this or should do this. Instead try to get the guy you are dating around your kid a little more often. See if they could do some bonding. It could be possible the guy you are dating makes a better dad then the real dad. I understand you probably don't want to replace the real dad. That's fine however if this would have been my situation growing up I would want my mom happy and wanting to be with the person she is with and happy with. I wouldnt want to think that she did this just for me. So stay with that guy and keep doing this just the way you are. It will all work out just fine.

Answer 6

You have already made the decision to leave. It sounds as if it is YOU that may want to live in the house instead of the apartment. Your son won't hate you if you treat his Dad with respect. Never say anything against him to the kid and you can all get along nicely. Are you thinking it would be nice not to have to pay your ex child support?

Answer 7

Bad idea!! Don't get back with an ex because of a child. The child can sense that things aren't right. You just need to think of a way that you both can be around the kid and still be involved, but don't make matters worse by going back.

Answer 8

Getting back together only for the sake of your child, is a big mistake. Your child will be okay. Your ex will meet someone and hopefully have a good loving relationship, you have met a great guy. that is what you both should do, love your son, but you don't have to get back together for that.

Answer 9

Don't leave your kid there just because of a house. There is nothing wrong with living in an apartment.

A house is made of wood and stone,
A home is made of LOVE!

Your kid needs to be with both of you, whether you're with his dad or not. A child is better off with happy split parents than with miserable married parents.

Answer 10

The best thing for the "kid" (your use of that word to describe your own child is disturbing!!) is to have two loving parents.

If there is any sign of Abuse, or Addiction (drugs or booze) by th father, or yourself, then he is better off with a parent that does not have any of those problems.

The worst thing for the "kid" is to keep seeing one parent bring another "substitute" in and out of his life, causing what in many cases will be irrepairable damage.

Good luck!!

Answer 11

I tried getting back together with my daughter's father for her, that lasted a whole week, and worse, it confused her. Luckily she was young enough she doesn't remember that now. She doesn't remember us together, and yes she did go through a phase where she wanted her parents together, but honestly it was for the best that we did not stay together, we brought out the worst in each other. Make sure your son sees that you are happy, he'll be happy for you. Sure he misses his mom, but I bet later in life he'd rather have you happy than miserable. Same for his dad too.