My husband and I are separated, but we just had our first child together. So far we've been pretty amicable, he's a good father so far and I try to give him as much time with our son as I possibly can. Now he says he wants to try again. Part of me wants to, but the rest of me just can't forget that he cheated on me, didn't show up for the birth of our son (even though it was his day off and he lives 10 min. from the hospital...he works at the hospital!), was always financially irresponsible, and lies constantly. He says he wants to change and that he feels I can help him lead a better life, my problem is that as much as I want to believe he will change I don't really think he can.
2007-09-15 06:04:05 · 16 answers · asked by CJ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
don't do it, once a cheater always a cheater, once a liar always a liar, find someone else!!!
2007-09-15 06:13:40 · answer #1 · answered by DJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dont u test him i mean give him a chance butttt not letting him right away in to ur life ie see how responsible he is give him a list f groceries he need to buy each week like dipers fr his kid milk blah blah and even pay fr it its ok some other times he have to share as well but start easy and since u have been seperated see how things go is he responsible or not some other tests like helping u out with the car paying ur home bills even if u gave him money to do so but...... be carefull and follow up with him see if he does i or not n offcourse u dont decide about it in a week but like in 2- 3 month atleats see if he really wishes to change or its in his lieing list and u can pay him a surprise visit from time to time see what is he doing or how is his own room stuff like that this is the responsibility test about cheating and stuff am sure ur a woman and can handle that well but dont be suspicious and try to give him trust other wise u would fail in that if u were always suspicious anothe thing is u have to think of u child as well believe me he does need a dady may be not now but when he is a teen especially these moment starting from 10 years old may be its so far but still u would be responsible even at that age in the end i wish u the best i wanted to be more elaborated but i guess u wouldnt read all that so any ways wish u the best
2007-09-15 06:29:20 · answer #2 · answered by mo_n_yo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of your son, you need to find at least a middle ground so the child has two actively involved parents. But since he cheated and you don't think he can change I would suggest:
First, he is tested for STD's including HIV, etc. Don't jump into bed with him for at least three months or more as he proves he can be faithful and he is tested at least twice.
Second, you start dating before you begin playing house again. Have an exclusive relationship agreement that you only see and date each other, including intimate relations.
Third, start couples counseling and individual counseling. Both will help you to see the positive and negative aspects of your relationship as well as help him to work toward regaining your trust. This should happen regularly and for at least a year, even if you decide after three months (or longer) to move back together.
You cannot change the past but people do change. He has to regain your trust and your love! Right now the priority in your life should be the health and welfare of your son.
2007-09-15 06:13:11 · answer #3 · answered by banananose_89117 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can tell you is that my marriage was saved because my wife gave me another chance after I had cheated on her while she was pregnant. I thank God every day because I was there for the birth of my daughter, but I have to tell you it was really rough. All of my wife's friends and most of her family were rude and down right mean, yeah I know they had all the right in the world to treat me the way they did but that didn't make it any easier to be there. Maybe your husband figured things would be rough and that is why he was not there. I don't think that makes it right but it's something to consider.
I do not condone your husbands mistake (if that is what it was) or mine, all I am saying is that what if your husband is REALLY sorry and he DID change as did I. My wife and I are now happier than we have ever been, I never cheated on her again and our children (2 now) have a complete family.
You are the only one that can have a heart to heart talk with your husband and then take a chance. Good Luck with your decision.
2007-09-15 06:57:01 · answer #4 · answered by Archangel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have. But do you treat him right. things that I did when I was married to my daughters mother Was always throwing things in my face what i did wrong. Even when it was her fault. You know rejection is had to take for a young man. Mom and Dad were more important then me. Sex was all right but no seeing nude or doing things different. Get some help. Talk it over with consular. Remember it takes two. the road runs both ways. Are you sure you are not at fault my second it was her way or on way, Went to three different consulars and she walked out of two of them because she was told something different than she whated to hear. So i hope you can fix things
2007-09-15 06:33:57 · answer #5 · answered by tadm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should take things really slow to just see how much he's changed. If he has changed then he deserves another chance. I also think it depends what he lies about. You should dee how it goes and if he lies to you, even just a small white lie, end it for good, but he still has to see his child so you will always have some level of contact with him .
good luck in whatever you do!
2007-09-15 06:12:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i believe that because you did indeed have a child together it should be ok for one LAST chance. make it clear that if he messes up again its never gonna happen. also dont make any real commitment until ur sure of what u need. it is better for a child to grow up with a mother and a father and not just one or a step. dont get married, but maybe let him move in and act like a family, but if he screws up again just kick him out.
2007-09-15 06:25:15 · answer #7 · answered by Bob Saget 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO more chances
Tell him to change first then you will consider taking him back. You can't help him,... he has to help himself.
and he didn't even show up for the birth of his son,... good riddance, file for child support, that should be a good lesson to teach him financial responsibility
2007-09-15 06:10:12 · answer #8 · answered by hailey 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
DON"T DO IT!!!
He is a cheater and liar that needs to change for himself not you.
So many parents try to stay together for the child's sake. They end up more miserable and bring even more children into the mix
Stay friends for your child's sake.
Please for you own protection get tested for STD's
2007-09-15 06:32:44 · answer #9 · answered by ACCOUNT CLOSED 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you can't 'lead' a person to a better life. they have to want it and work for it. a person will only change if they really want to. if you give him another chance be then you have to go into it with an open mind (maybe he really will change) and with forgiveness. you cant hold on to the past if you want to work on your future.
2007-09-15 06:27:41 · answer #10 · answered by Zirconne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Generally speaking, people don't change that much. You described at least 3 major red flags, and two of them are low integrity red flags (lies, cheats), so you can't believe anything this person says. Unfortunately, you chose to have a child with this person, and that was irresponsible on your part.
Good luck to you.
2007-09-15 06:09:56 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋