feedback on poem please?

Question

“Damaged”

the canvas can call tomorrow home
the art of chaos falling into patterns
breathing and dying take equal turns
when ashes fall, children clamor to claim
the damage of life, to be defined by the night
the physicality an afterthought to those
who mourn in the silence of their wombs
let the children carry illusions, leave candles lit
to claim an identity of the unknown
shredding respect of those who know.
death that seeped in, speaking in silent woes
clocks pass by eternal tomorrows
which children dream life to be
eyes can’t eclipse the difference
of what matters in between now and never
souls will know to expose their bones
beyond faces, a million layers never seen
sins too unspeakable to ever repent
fall into graves, answers never given
but gone, gone, gone, no asking tomorrow.

Answer 1

Don't add rhyme.
I think the aesthetic aspect of the poem is good, but there has to be a more clear syntax. I mean it is rather incomprehensible not in teh way a poem is supposed to be, but because I don't always realise what noun refers to what verb.
Then again I am not a native english speaker, so it could be my fault, but my English is rather good, so i don't think so.

Answer 2

I love it.
Seriously.
You should enter in a Poem Contest or something.
I wrote a poem about a little boy who makes friends with a bee after they start looking for the magical kazoo.
=)

Answer 3

I like it. I think it would be better,though, if you had a rythm going for it. Maybe have it rhyme too, that would make it eaiser to read. Besides that I like it. Very artsy!