Wow, this is depressing, it has been a long time and not getting any better. Yes, he's been to the doctor, but I don't think he's telling the doc the truth, as he's never come home with a prescription, etc. He has gone to counseling, as well, total waste of time and money.
I'm almost to the point of thinking he's fine physically, just doing this as a control issue in our relationship. It's getting to the point where I'm so demoralized over this... I'm not looking to step out, but there has to be something I can say or do. Any suggestions?
2007-09-15 01:52:05 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know exactly how you feel but believe me it is not you. A lot of men have issues even believing they could have a problem in that area and feel mortified even thinking of taking one of those pills. Next time he goes to the doctor, go with him. Make sure they have checked his thyroid and/or cholesterol. Those both played a large part in my story. Things still aren't to where I would like them but they are better and it's getting easier for him to talk about. It's a long road and you have to be very patient and understanding but at the same time try not to get down and depressed. Remember, this isn't because of you but unfortunately you do have to suffer through it. Good luck.
2007-09-15 02:24:46 · answer #1 · answered by littleone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not my issue but my daughter's and I feel for you. She's been married for 8 years and had penetration maybe 4 times and he's fine with it. He was 38 year old when they married, him for the first time. she a divorcee. She drug him to the Dr and all he heard the Dr say was that normal was different for different people. The Dr went on to say it is a problem when the different people are married. When she found out the family Dr wrote him a script for Viagra and he threw it away, she moved out, to another city about an hour and a half away. She was celebate for a year and now has met a guy and is in a relationship. Hubby still supports her financially as well as her two girls who are college age, probably out of guilt but really, I don't think he has a choice in this. He is one of four boys in the family and only one has married and had kids. There are more males in his family unmarried than married even back several generations. I can't figure out if he just doesn't have a sex drive at all or if he is gay and so hidden in the closet in an extremely small hard nosed town. His best friend from boyhood is a gay man living in San Francisco which is another thing that makes me think so. Whatever it is, I just want my daughter to be happy. I really love my SIL as he is a very nice person, just one who should have never married.
Good Luck and God Bless
2007-09-15 02:10:28 · answer #2 · answered by moonrose777 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending upon his age, there could be a lot of things gone wrong. I can assure you, it's not a control issue as you state. If he is truly sexually attracted to you, he won't be able to "control" things, so to speak.
There's one thing that's for sure, the stress of performing certainly isn't helping matters. Find something ELSE that you both enjoy doing and focus attention on that. Tell him that you don't need sex from him to Love him but you do need it and ask him if he would mind if you took matters into your own hands and, if he would like to watch. Be sincere and understanding about it.
To most men, ED is, to say the least, completely emasculating and the last thing they want to do is admit they have a problem so don't push. Be supportive and find ways of letting him know you still find him sexy. One of two things will happen... either the problem will fix itself or he will eventually tell the doctor to come off the blue pills (no pun intended).
Good luck ;-)
2007-09-15 02:06:10 · answer #3 · answered by keysfunding 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him frankly about how you feel. Tell him what you said here re: not believing he's actually trying to resolve the issue and you feel it's got to do with control. Beyond that it's up to you to decide if it's a dealbreaker or not...and no, don't ever "step out", that doesn't solve anything. Your options seem to be (if nothing changes in his condition) accept things as they are and live celibate, see if he'd be okay if you took a lover, or end the relationship and move on.
2007-09-15 01:57:58 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him, ask him if he is interested in having sex. Take time to maybe get a massage book or video. Share massages learn there are other ways to enjoy each other. Help him learn how to enjoy touching your body. Share other things as massage, gental kisses. There are many things that might help. Be kind and gental, do not rush things. Try the book and video's. Tell him you want to share somethings with him. And show him what you have leaned from the books. You will enjoy touching him. Do not tell him show him.
You will get pleasure from touching him. I can not explain it but you will. Do not expect a massage in return. Just keep praticing, enjoy touching him. Sounds one sided but if you keep it up possibly that will change.
2007-09-15 02:09:00 · answer #5 · answered by Harry G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Viagra? Levitra? If these meds wont wotk for his ED, it might be hormonal....I saw an episode of Grey's Anatomy when a female patient was complaining about the same thing bout her partner...to give yourselves the benefit of the doubt, why not have him undergo a general check up, just to rule out any health problems...
2007-09-15 02:00:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the single one thing I cannot imagine a normal guy being obsessed with getting fixed if it happened to him.
You need to go over this in earnest with him and the doctor. It is your sex life too and you should be part of it.
The "gay" thing that someone brought up is a long shot. I could imagine if he was bisexual and got HIV, he might fake ED to avoid sex with you and not pass it on to you but keep it his secret. That is a huge speculative longshot though.
2007-09-15 02:43:21 · answer #7 · answered by jcsuperstar714 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't want to recognize and fix the problem, there is nothing you can do. It is all up to him. Does he still love you? Does he care for you? Is he tender and affectionate toward you? If he isn't any of the things I mentioned, then you probably should be thinking about leaving him. Unless you want to cheat on him so you can get the sex you deserve.
2007-09-15 06:09:22 · answer #8 · answered by Ricardo R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me something is going on. The next time he goes to the Doctor go with him, when It happened to me I found out that my husband had high blood pressure and was a diabetic, If you Love him tell him to talk to you and you are there for him through what ever he is going through.
2007-09-15 05:08:23 · answer #9 · answered by LovelyChoc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try a different scenery other than the bedroom....you know like take a trip somewhere for the weekend. wear some sexy clothes or if any at all. send him text messages while he is at work, just little things to jazz the sex life back up, he prob wants something different!!!
2007-09-15 01:59:25 · answer #10 · answered by ||Methadon|| 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋