I met a single guy earlier this year and we dated for a few months. I felt sorry that his ex wife and ex fiance had both treated him really badly and left him. I supported him through the last few months but said we should put our relationship on hold as he was still hurting about his ex. He was very bitter about his ex and we spent hours, weeks and months talking this through. I was shocked at how a woman could be cruel to such a great guy and we have stayed really close as friends.
Recently he confessed that his 'pscyho' ex wants him back and that she really is not all the things he said she was, but that he was angry with her for leaving. I am so upset and angry if he has lied to me so much. I trusted him and waited for him and now he tells me they are really happy being back together and he wants a future with her now. How can I deal with this bitterness I feel. I dont know what is real and what isnt anymore. Please help : ((
2007-09-15 00:29:27 · 24 answers · asked by Sarah 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Never trust a guy who's looking for a therapist rather than a lover,
or one who has a succession of bad relationships that are always the woman's fault. Chances are that it's really him to blame and he won't admit it.
Same goes the other way about.
Take it as a lesson well learned. You won't fall for that one again...lol.
2007-09-15 02:56:21 · answer #1 · answered by proud walker 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First I am so sorry you have to go through this. That is a really terrible thing. He basically used you as apunching bag and someone to heal his process. I am not being cruel but it seems as you were his bounce back girl. The one that is used in between his hunt and return to his ex. He probally had it in his mind all along that he would be getting back with her and didnt care hwo he hurt in the process. Most women and men go through this and dont even realize it. Only difference is, men dont care as much as long as they got the nookie.
He is VERY LOW!!!! Not you! You did an admiral thing! You stuck around and supported someone and their feelings and were loving and understanding and embraced them.
I know it will be hard for you to trust again, but just know there are descent guys out there.
Thank God or your higher power that he is out of you rlife right now. Yo do not want someone around you like that. A liar, munipulator, selfish person! Just imagine what he would have done if the relationship turned more serious!
Dont try to pay him back or be bitter this has only opened up your options to lead you to a much better guy. Now you know what you are looking for in a guy and honesty is key. PLus you dont want someone who is still hung up on their ex and is hurting. I would personally have a fun night out with the girls and blow this jerk off!
You can contact me if you ever wanna talk at Rebekahisswell@gmail.com
Take Care sweetie and Good Luck!
BIG HUGS from NC!!!
He is a very selfish person and what goes around comes around!
2007-09-15 00:41:34 · answer #2 · answered by A little Southern Comfort 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to come across as a real caring individual. This guys has just played on your good intentions and used this to bide time and hear all good things about himself from you - all the time pining for someone else. The truth is, that he is definitely not worth the hassle even thinking about for a fraction of a second.
Actually, take it as something good that came from this situation - you seeing him for the person that he is before things got even more serious.
Please don't even consider going back to him as it will only be one big, vicious circle that you're getting yourself into.
I am sure that there are a few decent guys out there. You just have to now give yourself a chance to go out and meet new people.
All the best!
2007-09-15 02:32:53 · answer #3 · answered by Ash23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you now what's real? You just clarified it: he's a great guy, but he, perchance, has exaggerated the degree of psycho his ex was. Now, because she wanted him back, he jumped at the chance and is now together with her again. You're angry because he altered truth-- he deceived you. But then he confided in you.
Maybe you shouldn't interact with them for a time, so the bitterness inside you will give way to other pleasures in life.
In my opinion, the pain you feel is a tad unreasonable. You felt sympathy for him because he was in a troublesome situation. You really wanted him to feel happiness, so you supported him. You say he was bitter: bitter means to have an unhealthy view of things, to lie in such darkness you think whatever's near you is evil, because something valuable to the person was taken away. His ex was his "something valuable." And now she's being reasonable enough to want him back, and so he's happy.
He was bitter! I think he's justified. Why should you become bitter now, when that which would make you "bitter" has finally become happy? Nothing valuable to you has been stolen. He is still on earth, and thanks you (I hope) for helping him, consoling him, in his time of need.
Really. Real friends are always happy when their comrades become happy. They may not agree entirely with the source of the happiness, but still. They're happy.
Please be happy. : )
2007-09-15 00:57:21 · answer #4 · answered by Mary 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry this has happened to you.
if his ex is a control freak then she will have conditioned him to think that he needs her even though she treats him like dirt.
sadly you have been caught up as a pawn in all this.
my first wife was a control freak and I have no hangups about her now, took a while, nobody was hurt while I was getting over her and I am happily remarried.
Take heart that not all men are like this guy, some of us are OK.
2007-09-15 02:26:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you really shouldnt count on those relations with him look you were talking with him only about his ex and he looked at you like on a free psichologist he didnt see in you a woman just a friend and i am sure that he wasnt promissing you something or telling that he loves you right? so all the time those kind of relations lead to nothing your relations with him werent reall so all you can do is just to try to forget him at least stop talking to him and as sometimes it happens after a while it can turned out that he would realize that his ex is just a ***** and you are the reall one who deserve his love if it wouldnt happen that would mean that you even shouldnt catch your mind on it becouse you will defenettlly find someone who would love you and only you
2007-09-15 00:42:33 · answer #6 · answered by Svetlana D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have to realise that men lie too, i went through the same with my ex, and i just let it go to be honest, i couldnt even be friends with him , after all how did i know if he was telling the truth or lying about things? Its hard to find some1 without emotional baggage, male or female, but i think that you sound like a nice, good person and you probable deserve much better. good luck.
2007-09-15 00:36:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me like he didnt give himself enough time to move on and his ex knew this and thought if she clicked her fingers he would come running. because he did he now thinks its all perfect and will work out this time, because hes upset about what happened and doesnt want to let the past go. he needs you more than anything right now, i know it hurts after whats happened but when it backfires he needs you to count on. and remember he probably said those things about her in the first place and meant them, because he was really upset and when you split with your exes we always moan about them and sometimes exaggerate. im sure he didnt mean to lie to you in that way, he just wanted to prove to himself she is those things he said and didnt realise it would effect you. im pretty sure, as horrible as it might sound, that the same thing will happen and his ex will want him whenever she knows hell come running. hes basically being taken for a mug and you need to talk to him about this.he will see her for who she is one day and appreciate you being there for him, but right now hes probably so wrapped up in her web he doesnt realise how much you care. men are like this unfortunetely but with patients it can change. im talking from experience as ive seen this situation many times and its always worked out the same way i predict. good luck.
2007-09-15 01:32:33 · answer #8 · answered by * Mummy to 2 Girls * 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why believe a man who has drama like that in his life. He still cares for his wife and is playing games with you also. Maybe it is time for you to find a single man with no ex wife. Get the picture
2007-09-15 00:40:38 · answer #9 · answered by danaispeace 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you've had a lucky escape. The best revenge is to go on and live a happy life with someone who is worth your time and effort. Forget this loser.
2007-09-15 04:42:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋