My wife had an affair 3 years ago ,it lasted 2 or so years .
she told me hat she would never do anything like that again but I would realy like to know if the opertunity presented itself with a nother guy what would happen? I'm open to any suggestions or ideas to creat such an oppertunaty?
2007-09-14 22:57:26 · 29 answers · asked by wesley d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Are you looking for a reason to divorce her? Then just go ahead and hire a lawyer.
Maybe she had a reason for cheating; like being unhappy with you. Have you been an adequate husband to her?
Methinks you have a lot to learn about forgiveness. If you can't get over this incident, then leave.
Do not try to set her up.It might work well enough that she will leave you, or the setup could come back to bite you in the @$$. Either way, you lose. And you will lose the respect of all of your friends.
Here are some key words to think about: Respect, Restraint, Responsibility, and Trust.
2007-09-14 23:37:00 · answer #1 · answered by oldsalt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your anger and frustration of waiting it to happen again, but if you chose to give your marriage a chance, then you can't think like that.
It's not constructive and it's a waste of time for both of you, because, instead of working at being able to trust her again and get your marriage on track again, you are just being negative and even hoping that something will happen.
As for her, if she truly means what she said, then she'll be working very hard at getting you to trust her again and all that would just be for nothing.
A waste of time and energy.
You might as well give up now and move on with your life and enjoy the years to come instead of living in an atmosphere of suspicion, malice and revenge.
You'll end up being bitter and will lose all trust in women.
We are not all cheaters, and while what your wife did was terrible, if this is the type of person you are, then you may well have driven her to this by constantly checking up on her and waiting for the worst to happen!
2007-09-14 23:26:19 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why not just give her permission.
She is only cheating if you feel that she is. If you give her permission it takes away the "forbidden fruit" factor in the equation and the temptation may be gone. Are you giving her what she needs and wants at home? If not, get started. Action speak louder than words. If she was truly happy with you she would not be looking elsewhere. So either keep her truly happy or let her go , so she can be. To me that is what true love is.
2007-09-16 16:10:57 · answer #3 · answered by virgokennewick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that is a good idea.
A relationship is all about trust. Remember? So is forgiving. Forgiving is not only accepting the person' apology but also forgetting it ever happened and trust the person again. You obviously have not forgiven your wife yet. So why stay with her if all you're gonna do is tempt the person to do the same thing again?
Have you ever considered what she would feel if she ever found about your schemes? She will definitely be hurt that you pretended to forgive her.
You are best left to either decide to forgive her or not. That's that.
2007-09-14 23:06:45 · answer #4 · answered by heartshapedbox 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well just file for divorce now, or else get over it and try and get some trust back in your marriage. Why try and set her up, do you really want to do that? Why don't you try and find out what went wrong that she cheated on you in the first place. Work on your relationship not on trying to see if she will do it again.
2007-09-14 23:51:03 · answer #5 · answered by Beatrice C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that the affair lasted 2 years would be enough to say to her get on your bike and get out of here.... she probably will do it again cause she got away with it the first time for 2 years.... you deserve better...........The trust is gone do you really want to live a life of looking over your shoulder????
2007-09-14 23:33:40 · answer #6 · answered by tinkerbell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce her.
Tests like this are immature. Either you trust her or you don't. Apparently you don't, so save both of you the heartache and just get out now.
You think she will cheat again, so you haven't forgiven her, and don't trust her. Both are understandable feelings, however, if you have made a decision to work on the marriage, you owe it to her to do so.
You are worrying about things that haven't happened, and holding this against her. Unless you can give all of yourself to a relationship it won't work.
Setting her up to fall is not the way to make yourself feel better.
2007-09-14 23:05:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
i wouldnt trust her.. she obviously dosent love you.... 2 tears or so of an affair... i dont mean to sound harsh pal cuz i know it hurts and its clear you dont want to let go of her.. but personaly i think you deserve better than that and out there is a woman that will love you that much truly that cheating wouldnt even cross her mind.. your spouce is just holding you back from finding that woman because you are still committed to your wife.. id say your wife will cheat again.. they are like people with addictions they will lie till the end of the earth to make you believe what u want to hear... let her go mate.. move on... there is plenty of more in life than just one little tart.. hope and wish you all the best mate.
2007-09-15 00:03:13 · answer #8 · answered by Robert C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all try to know the real reason for her cheating on u till now,then forgive her and give her one more chance,every person makes mistakes,but the good thing is she realised her mistake and she vows not to repeat it so i think one chance should be given,i feel for u but its fine already she cheated once so if she cheats again would not make difference and this time u can leave her,but as she did this first time so i think forgive her as it was first time and it might really be a mistake after all humans make mistake,if she doesnt repeat this then u both will be happy ever after.
2007-09-14 23:30:07 · answer #9 · answered by bigman20 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it.
If you are unable to trust her then I would say call it quits.
If you really want to make it work, talk, seek counseling and talk with a priest.
There isn't a good excuse for cheating, but maybe you should find out her reason for doing so.
Anything else will make you both crazy and the relationship simply won't work.
2007-09-14 23:02:56 · answer #10 · answered by Larry B 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋