My wife had an emotional affair (no sex)with her happily married classmate but he checked her advances by cutting off the relation.I found her unsent love letter and confronted her.She said it was only a crush and that she never really wanted to divorce me and all that crap.We have two wonderful kids who we love very much.We are living seperately for the last 2 years and my kids are with her now though I can visit them anytime. She refuses to come and live with me ,her parents also want to end this relation.She is sometimes sorry for her affair,but is nagging me a lot.I simply don't know whether she loves me or hates me as she is so passionate either way.But she says she will not live with me or give me divorce unless I deposit some money for the kids.Surprisingly,she has more money than I do.She comes up with a new condition,like I should cut off seeing my mother and brother who gave me a second life by doling out some of their money.How to deal with this deceiving domineering wife?
2007-09-14 21:33:04 · 14 answers · asked by havah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Though we are living seperately,we have been in touch on daily basis.She is staying with her sister whose husband and parents are financially supporting her and I hate it as she seeks their help than mine.She had this affair one year back and I found the letter 8 months back.I blamed myself for her indiscretion and been doing my best to win her back.It seems she is manipulating me now since she got my heart and our children in her control.I feel she does not give a damn about me.As I wish to put things in order by doing whatever she insists on, I am in dilemma whether I can put up with her attitude.
My parents and brothers love and respect me and never interfered (which i never allowed)unlike her parents.
2007-09-14 23:48:18 · update #1
Get a lawyer, she is taking advantage of you. Its a shame that women do this. she was obviously not happy with you and now she is punishing you, maybe b/c she regret the whole situation.
2007-09-14 23:41:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce her......she can't make you give her money......the court can, but she can't. Seeing as how you have done nothing wrong, and she was the one declaring passion for another man and can't get her act straight, she is in the wrong, so the only thing she can ask from you for legally is child support, which you should pay 'cause the kids are part yours, but I would ask my lawyer that if she is indeed able to support the children on her own if you couldn't just ask to have the money you give put into a college fund for them, that way the money goes directly to the kids and not extra cash in her pocket to blow, if that is even possible. I think it is possible, but you might have to have her consent...anyway. I would make sure to note the attitude she has been displaying through this entire ordeal, maybe the judge will cut you some major slack. Be sure to tell your lawyer how often you see your children and keep receipts and tabs on how much you are spending on them when they come to visit you...do not exclude such costs as water, electricity, other toiletries, and food....all of these things add to up when caring for a child. Don't bring this to the attention of your soon to be ex, 'cause she might start keeping the children away from you and in the future take you back to court and try to get more child support out of you saying you haven't been coming and picking the kids up. Just tell your lawyer and see if there is a sly way they can convey to the judge that you have been providing for children all along without actually coming out and saying it in a way that offends your wife. If that makes any sense at all. Make sure you are seeing your children regularly (which it sounds like you are). I would call regularly 3 days a week at the least! You can't prove that you have been providing for them if you only take them once a month and buy them a toy while they are visiting! Good Luck and whatever you two decide make sure the kids have the best quality of life possible between the two of you, but that doesn't mean spoiling them rotten and giving in to everything they want. Meaning just be responsible, loving, but most of all involved parents, because that is your number one priority!
2007-09-14 22:26:13 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs. CT 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She obviously wants her cake and eat it.
She can see that despite your 2 year separation you still have feelings for her and is playing on it.
So, since you can't make her do something, you should.
Decide what you want from now on. If you want to be with her, as you can see, since she knows that she has the upper hand, she's going to bring you to your knees and spoil any relationship with your family.
Now, maybe she has some good reasons for that, only you know. Were they mean to her?
So those are her conditions. What do you think?
It's true that she did try and cheat on you, so it's not like she is completey faultless, but do you think that what was going on in both your lives at the times may have pushed her to seek attention elsewhere?
If you still love her and recognize that you too were at fault then try and reach a compromise about your parents.
If you know for a fact that she is just trying to take as much as she can because she know she has the upper hand, then obviously it might be time to cut your losses and move on.
Just make sure that you have in writing from a solicitor your contact time with your children.
Good luck.
2007-09-14 23:38:34 · answer #3 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce already. How much more time are you going to waste jumping through all the hoops she can think of?
What do you mean "she won't give me a divorce"? It's not up to her to give you one. It's up to the court system. And her refusal to live under the same roof with you gives you plenty of reason for seeking a divorce.
Don't give her any money, instead get a good lawyer. You will have financial obligations regarding your children, of course, but all that, plus visitation, custody, etc. should be settled by a judge.
2007-09-14 22:12:48 · answer #4 · answered by Liz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is more to it than what you have put down, however, taking it at face value, let's see....
She got caught. She can say anyting she wants about it now. If she didn't want something more from this other guy, she would not have been contacting him.
You have been separated for two years. She wants child support.. that is only fair. Your kids didn't ruin your marriage so don't put them in the middle.
She just may have the love/hate thing going on. Sounds like she is emotionally strung out and really doesn't know what she wants. She takes her anger out on you for her own lack of direction. That isn't fair to you. Her placing conditions on you like giving up something you care about just means that she wants you to come down to her unhappy level. Don't do it. It won't make things better until she gets better.
Best advise I can give you is to get the divorce. It just may be what she needs to get some direction. If the two of you make some changes in your lives for the better and can work things out between you, you can always get back together later. She needs to be on her own to work things out about what she did and why she did it. You can't do it for her and something like that most likely is still going on with her.
She has an emotional need that is not being fulfilled. Only she can figure out what she needs to fill it. Game playing with you is not the answer.
2007-09-14 21:58:03 · answer #5 · answered by peggy m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop wasting your time with her. Be cordial and remain friends with her, for your sanity and your children. Move on and find that woman out there who wants to love you. Life is too short to live in the past and try to figure out why your wife does what she does or did. She is CONTROLLING you and you are allowing her to do so. Drop the dead weight, and go out there and find a new "breath of fresh air". You'll be a much happier man.
2007-09-14 22:36:06 · answer #6 · answered by dreamgirl21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mate, I'm sorry but I would think after two years she is ok to chat/flirt or do anything she likes with another person.
She has nothing to be sorry for in my book - it may be time for you to move on with your life. Find a gf and move on.
I know it would be hard to with when your, obviously loved, kids are involved but you both need a life also!
2007-09-14 21:46:13 · answer #7 · answered by tayhay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like trouble. I'm having trouble with how she never wanted a divorce but yet refuses to live with you. I would consult an attorney. I think the marriage is toast, or if it proceeds, highly disfunctional.. Think of your children.
2007-09-14 21:48:37 · answer #8 · answered by Taddy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why you would want to deal with her. Consult an attorney. You may be able to get custody of the kids, or establish visitation, without giving her more money. She sounds nuts, frankly.
2007-09-14 21:42:14 · answer #9 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
assist ur children as much as u could.dont fall in for her unruly advances. if u still think something can be worked out ur a great person.if u love her let her know.puts u in a better position rather than meking u feel guilty.
2007-09-14 21:58:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋