How would you handle this? A close friend of yours has a two year old boy and is trying to get pregnant hoping

Question

for a girl. A few months later she calls and excitedly tells you she's pregnant. A few months after that she tells you that the child is going to be a girl, just like they were hoping for. Then, shortly after that, with quivering voice, she tells you that the doctors have determined that the child will definitely be autistic, and maybe severely so. Maybe she hints that she'd like your advice. What would you tell her? Would you tell her that she should have an abortion? Would you tell her that once the child is born she could give her up for adoption? Would you tell her to put the child in a home for such as this child will be, and to do it ASAP? OR. would you still advise her to have the child? If so, what would you say and do, the first time you saw the baby? Would you say something like "Isn't she sweet" or "She looks just like you." or "Look how cute she is!" What would you say and do?

Answer 1

I'm pregnant and older (36) and I've read about everything there is to read on the prenatal testing for all kinds of diseases and disorders. The one thing I recall seeing repeatedly was that there is more of a chance of a FALSE POSITIVE for autism or down's than actually occur with older mothers. In other words, more older moms are told they will have a child with a problem than actually do. If she had the "chorionic villis sampling" (I think I spelled it right) done, that would tell for sure but a regular amnio would not and the quad marker would not-- it would be a response of "more likely than not". Now, assuming she knows FOR SURE that she is having an autistic child, I'll say this- they're more of a challenge. I'm a teacher and autistic children can be a delight or a pain, depending on how in control they feel of their environment. When specialists come together and make a sound schedule for that child, they're happy and can function. But there were times in a classroom I student taught in when an autistic child would NOT come in from the playground because they didn't feel like it and it was hell getting them inside. She'll need to know what she's in for if she carries to term so I'd borrow books from the library and tell her to read them (or sit with her and flip through them) and see how she feels she'd do in that situation. It's not as simple as "oh, that's nice"- it's a much deeper decision than that and she'll need you to lean no matter what her decision (and it is HER decision). Good luck. I'm sure you'll do everything possible to be there for her.

Answer 2

dont ever give advice on somehting like this becuase if your friend takes your advice later in the future she may blame you for either not having the baby of for having the baby with problems. Just tell her u are there for her and leave it at that. Having a special needs child is not bad now. There are medications and programs that can help the child and the family cope with the child. Just becuase she haves an abortion now does not mean that whatever the child has now may or may not be passed on to any future children. SHe should find out if its genetic and if it is seriouisly think about having her tubes tied after she deciedes what to do with the current child. There is no need for her to give this child up just becuase she does not like the way it came out. Thats very selfish of her. If she is financally stable then there is no reason to pass off her unloved baby on someone else. Either she has an abortion or keeps the baby...to me she should not put it up for adoption. What would the point be in keeping the child if when the baby is born some stranger is going to take it away. What was the point? Treat the child as you would any other child. FInd out from the mom what the child has and read up on it so you dont look like a fool and ask a bunch of questions

Answer 3

There is no way that they told her the baby would be Autistic. A child doesn't develop Autistic traits until they're about 18 months old and even then it can be difficult for doctors to diagnose Autism. Also, statistically, more autistic children are boys then girls - so, if she is pregnant with a little girl the chances are even less that the baby would become autistic.

I would advise her to ask her doctor more questions so she can find out what he/she is basing the diagnosis upon. Autistic children are just as wonderful and beautiful as any other child so treat the baby the same way you would any new baby.

Answer 4

Having an Autistic child is not the end of the world and until a child is born and around 3 years old it is hard to determine just how severe the autism can be. Most autistic children look "typical" and you can't just spot them until you see their behavior that is why so many parents don't know if their child is autistic or not. Killing a baby just because it may have autism is just not right in my opinion. It isn't like the world will come to an end and some children outgrow it and if they don't they can still live a life.

I would say that I was sorry to hear that the baby may be sick but I would be there for her if she needed me and I would pray for the baby to be healthy (Autism isn't an illness). I would offer to do research for her on support groups in the area so she could prepare herself for a child with disablities.

With that said though like I said you can't really predict the autism like you can other disablities. They test for it at 3 years old unless they are showing severe signs earlier but a lot of babies can show signs and grow out of it.

Answer 5

Autism occurs in around 1 in every 700 children and statistically more likely to occur in boys. It is not an illness brought by an infection or some contagious disease. Autism is something the child is born with and results from an abnormal development of the brain. Autism results in a level of introvertive behavior with the child not willing to interact with other children and perhaps the most disturbing symptom is their lack of response to their parents. A child with autism lacks the interpersonal skills of a normal child.

I have read and read on this and their isnt anything that tells you that you can pick up a child with autism whilst still in the uterus ( before they are born ) yes they may be born with it but its normally not detected in newborns . some things to look out fAn autistic baby does not respond to your presence - will not make eye contact with you and appears to be more interested in staring at some other moving inanimate object.
An autistic baby will often appear too calm and may lie still for hours without crying.
An autistic baby may not interact with other babies.
or in baby to even consider it has autism is

and i dont think telling her to have a abortion is the answer as if she knows its a girl then they are unable to tell that until 18 wks plus so she would have to have the baby.

im sorry but ive done the reasearch and nowhere tells you its possible to detect this behavour problem while the baby is yet to be born :)

Answer 6

Is that really possible? Autism isn't usually diagnosed until at least 18 months of age, usually older. I don't think it's something that can be determined by pre-natal tests. It's a hypothetical situation?

If she asked for my advice, I would tell her to have the child. I would hope that she would. But I would also let her know that I would be there to stand by her and support her no matter what her decision was. I would try to be there to listen to her thoughts and feelings. The first time I saw the child, I would say the same thing I would say to anyone with a newborn--whatever I thought. (Autistic people don't have any physical deformities, they look just like an average person.)

Answer 7

Thats a hard one to handle. If it were me and one of my friends called asking for advice, I would basically tell her that its going to be her decision, but here are your options. Discuss her options with her--including the pros and cons of each option. She needs to know she must consider everything. Doing what she feels best for the child, will be the right decision. If she feels like she cant physically and emotionally take care of an autistic child then that's responsible for her to know this and to take the actions for the child. But you should also point out, as time goes on things are evolving and is much easier to deal with autism. There are MANY support groups for both parents and children. Etc. Maybe she should go to some of these groups or education classes for autism. It could help her better decide what to do and how she feels about it all. Also, no one can possible predict the severity of that before the child is born. But its good they caught it early so they will have time to know what needs to be done and how to act on it. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Dang, autistic isn't the end of the world, kill the baby over that??? I would say something like, oh they have so many programs to help with that and I hear great success from some of them (because I have). I think you should google "Team Hoyt" and watch the movie. It is about a child born with serious handicaps and they told him to just put him in a home, there is nothing you can do for him. It is a great story, I wont give it all away, just watch it. Autistic children can be dang cute, just like normal children.

Answer 9

the only advice i'd give her is to get a second opinion if she's concerned. autism cannot be detected until the child is 14 - 18 months. there are no laboratory tests for autism. dr's will do x-rays and bloodwork to rule out other illnesses or disorder. if that comes back with no results found, then the child is then referred to someone who specializes in childhood developement for further observations. generally, this doesn't take place until the age of 3 but like i said earlier, in extreme cases, 14-18 months.

Answer 10

I WOULDN'T encourage her not to have the baby. It's alright if the baby is autistic. The baby will still be smart and beautiful. I would tell my friend to keep the baby and be thankful that she'll have a beautiful baby girl. No matter what condition the baby is in. She should still love her the same way. And when the baby is born I would say "SHE'S BEAUTIFUL." Best of luck. Don't discourage her. Encourage her t o have the baby. Best of luck to you.