We're having some issues with communication to say the least. He's a great man, and amazing father for our 1yr old daughter... but we dont have anything going on in the intimate communication dept. Things just seem like I get what's left after he works, does stuff outside in the yard & garage and if the pager doesnt go off (he's a firefighter/paramedic) ...I really feel alone alot. He's told me that he know's I wouldnt do anything outside our marriage on purpose, but he also knows he leaves me alone alot...I have been getting messages from an "old friend" and the feeling of being wanted is something that I miss, I told my husband about this, and he says "I do want you, I'm just tired all the time." I even told him of me running into the old friend and him hugging me (notta biggie) but kissing on me too, hubby didnt seem to mind. I'm hurt, and I feel like crap! My husband is the one I want, the ONLY one I want! I just dont feel he wants me-unless it's convienant for him...any advice?
2007-09-14 18:57:29 · 17 answers · asked by marcie1997 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OH I by no means ever intend to leave him... No way... but how do I fix this situation? I want MY HUSBAND to want me.
2007-09-14 19:04:27 · update #1
The communication with that old friend have been cut. I dont want to mess up my marriage, over all it's great, just wish we had more "us" time... selfish it may sound, but I want to "BE" with my husband and, it just doesnt happen. :(
I love him, and I miss "us"
2007-09-14 19:27:12 · update #2
Well, Marcie, it sounds like he's comfortable with the relationship. He trusts you, and he comes home to you and the baby, and he loves the baby, and he's working hard for you guys.
Sometimes communication goes past what is said verbally.
As far as that all important one on one time, I'd find out next time he's not On Call, leave baby girl with Grandma, and plan an evening. Inform him of this.
Go to Kama Sutra, Tantric Sex, SexInfo101, and inlustro.com (that one is naughty). Learn something. Incorporate.
Aim for one night a month when you guys can Plan On being alone and undisturbed.
I have to give you credit for tolerating the puttering in the garage and the yard thing. He needs this. He's in a stressful profession, and he's in his comfort zone being home, knowing you and the baby are there, dinner is at 6, and that he can just BE in his garage. He sounds adoreable.
Try serving nutritious meals, incorporating a good multi-vitamin into your daily routine, and his, and try to see he gets 8 solid hours sleep in a dark, quiet room when he's home.
I think you have quite a lot going on in the intimacy dept. It just isn't sex. Sex will come. You help it.
Have a nice shower when you put baby down, put on something sexy,some make-up and light some candles and go "Yooo hooo.." at the garage. Waggle your finger at him. Hopefully, he responds.
I think he will.
God bless you and yours, dear...
2007-09-14 22:32:28 · answer #1 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I take it he had the same job for a long time and maybe even before you marriad him! When people get them kind of time consuming, and on call jobs it can raise all sorts of problems in the marriage!
But to try to get the marriage back on the happy road, he must be willing to either get his main hours lowered or the on call some what stopped! He's always tired because the job he has is making him old fast, see if maybe he'd be willing to take on a more normal part time paramedic job or maybe even a new career to make the marriage a more fair and devoted one!
When you said you would never leave him, was I have to admit a little shocking, because it seems to me you'll hang in there forever with him no matter how unhappy you become!!!
And to be honest no comfortable life is ever worth settling for unhappyness! But if he's willing to make a few changes in his job to make you a more happier wife, then I would say the two of you have a good chance of saving the marriage, but if his work is getting to the point of more important then your feels and thoughts and intimate communications, well then you'll have no choice but to call it quits with him!
Many men and women with good incomes, and a job they really like, become robots to there jobs and end up forgetting about the there outside world relationships, and by the time it hits home to them, it's usually to late!
If you and he really love each other and want the marriage to stay intact, it will take both of you's to find a better way to have the time together more fulfilling then what it is now! even if it means he finds a new kind of work! there maybe sacrifices that have to be made, but in the long run , well worth it to save the marriage!
And there can be things you could do to help him have more time for you, by hiring lawn service or neighbor boy to do the lawn! be creative as well as he! Try playing more hard to get when he wants his little action, don't be so willing to give it to him at his convenience only, take control of that department!!!
Pull the I have a headache once in a while! It will force him to make some good I love you changes! Spice the sex department up a few notches, so he'll want badly to be with you more! another thing that would help is get him on a daily vitamin taking system, his tireness isn't just his job, his iron could be to low!
Try having more fruits and vetables into his daily eating routine! You'll have to change the daily ways you have been living and find things that help change your husbands tired thoughts! order in supper twice a week to give you and him more a lone time!
Have a relative baby sit your daughter at there home for a few hours 2 days a week to get that all alone time for each other! try many new things to off set the everyday things that seem to just drag the two of you farther apart! Change is always good if both are willing! just like I said if sex time is the more time you get to have him, cut the sex back for a while to give him a hint that if your not happy and he's not fulfilling your needs sex or other wise, that sex isn't his control anymore when it's only when he wants it!
You have to start taking control of the things that are more important to you, instead of his tiredness excuses all the time!
Hoping for change, could leave you hoping for a long time, Taking action gets changes done fast!
2007-09-14 20:10:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't hang out with the "old friend" It will lead you astray.
Your husband has to step up and so do you.
If you feel he's giving you the green light to cheat ask him why he said what he did.
It seems like if you cheated he might not mind by your post. That is a sad situation if that's the case.
Work together on this and seek counsel at least for your own peace of mind. Post more questions and see that you’re not the only one in this situation.
Take heart.
2007-09-14 19:12:08 · answer #3 · answered by Fixguy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to take time to take you out on a date--even if he is tired. Schedule a time when he takes you out for dinner or whatever. Even if he gets called into work cuz he's on call, you'll feel good because he took time to be with you. Frankly, with so little time between the two of you, yard and housework needs to sit a day so you two can go out and spend time on your relationship. Like you have already said, if your husband won't, someone else will want to. The same could be said if the situation was reversed and you were in your husbands shoes. Pay attention to your own relationship, or someone else will...
2007-09-14 19:03:47 · answer #4 · answered by Gorgeous 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Try to reembrace the fire that was burning at marriage, or whereever it was last strongest. breathe in teh memory and know that it happened, and is happening, even if he has not the time nor energy to show it. have some more confidence. saving lives is more important than saving a relationship that doesn't need saving. If you're really in doubt i'm sure you can persuade him to one day or night of pure intamince to prove to you that there was never a love to recover, because it's still right there.
2007-09-14 19:04:21 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, for one, quit screwing around and trying to make him jealous. Letting and 'old friend" kiss on you isn't very lady like and maybe your husband didn't seem to care about it because he was turned off by your loose behavior? If he is the ONLY ONE you want- start acting like it. Marriage is not ALL about sex. You BOTH have a one year old and your husband has a dangerous and stressful job but even considering that, you think he only wants you when it is "convenient for him" ??? It sounds like it is more like when he is not exhausted! Quit being so self centered and it might just turn him on more often.
2007-09-14 19:14:48 · answer #6 · answered by 8 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Girl he lives a busy life and he seems to be trying to get with you and such. but u gotta give the man a break. he is a firefighter, thats an exhausting job. u just gotta tell him that u are feeling a little neglected and just want some good loving once in a while. its all about communication and seeing what is possible and what isnt happening. maybe trying counceling. Good Luck and please dont break ur precious marraige vows, u will regret it deeply.
2007-09-14 19:05:38 · answer #7 · answered by Siroonig 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know how you feel. My husband manages a very busy restaurant. He is gone most of the time. I'm left home alone with our son. One thing I've learned is that my husband forgets how tired he is when he comes home to find me laying naked on the couch covered in chocolate. He also forgets how tired he is when he comes home to a hot meal being served by a hot wife in lingerie and stilettos. Be creative, and appreciate each other.
2007-09-14 19:09:43 · answer #8 · answered by munkees81 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Please don't let some devil-inspired thoughts enter you!
Did you hear me? You are an AWESOME lady for staying to your principles!
I'd just tell your Hubby that you're growing tired of waiting and that temptations are growing! In other words, The Truth!
I Wish that my Wife woul be so interested!
Please don't do anything Stupid. I'd maybe wear protection from now on though.
Good luck!
2007-09-14 19:12:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh...man I would feel so hurt if my husband shrugged off my getting kissed on by another man!! Mine would be furious! Maybe you should seek marriage counseling or tell him to take a break from some of his extra curricular activities and to focus on his marriage more than everything else! In the Bible it says that the man is supposed to love the woman like Jesus loved the Church.......Jesus died for the Church......what is your man doing?
2007-09-14 19:15:45 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs. CT 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋