funeral. As far as me "letting go" I was doing a pretty good job of it until I ran into him face to face at the funeral. You must understand, I was reeling from the shock of my sister's senseless murder, then I see this man that had molested me for 4 years as a child! I was suddenly reduced that 4 year old child hiding under the bed! I could not confront him. At that time Family and children services did not go after things like that the way they do now and I had never heard of them anyway,and my mother did not believe me. Thid msn now has served a a county commissioner in his county, I was sickened when I heard that.Again, thank you very much for your kind suggestions and obvious concern and love. I will get counseling and consider writing him a letter.
2007-09-14 18:56:27 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm glad to hear you're okay right now.
Take care...
2007-09-14 19:05:02 · answer #1 · answered by Carly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. I never read your other question. But I know what your going through. My father molested me. It started when I was young and went up until I was a teenager. When my parents divorced. My mother knew and did nothing to stop it. I have tried the shrink thing over and over. I have so much hate and I am 38 years old. I trust no one. Especially men. I can not be with a man because I panic and I subconsciously have flashbacks that prevent me from enjoying the company of a man. My mother also abuse me. Back then I begged to be put in a foster home and no one listened. Not even a social worker. My dad has been dead many years now. Maybe 17 not sure. I have not been to his grave since the day of the funeral. The bastrurd does not deserve visitors or flowers. I am so sorry to hear about the murder of your sister, and then having to see your step father. When my father was a live, I thought about finding a gun and killing him and my mother for all the abuse they put me threw. I wish I was there to give you a hug. I wish I could tell you it will get better. But it won't children who have been sexually abused for a long period of time have no chance at recovering from the sexual abuse. Sorry if I am being down. I thought once my father died it would be over. Not, I relive it in my nightmares. I wish you the best of luck. You can send me an email if you want to talk more. I am so sorry for all that has happened.
2007-09-15 02:08:01 · answer #2 · answered by vault 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What a double shock for you! You are one tough lady to have survived his victimization of you, your sisters murder and seeing him again at her funeral!
Becoming that 4 year old is what you may have to do to heal her and make her understand that she didn't do anything wrong. No matter what her reactions were at the time, he was a grown up and did things he never should have done. He knew it was wrong even if she was confused.
Write that letter to him, even if you aren't ready to send it. Add to it as you come across different memories and feelings.
And write a letter to that sweet 4 year old child that didn't understand why such things were happening to her. Let her know you love her, that she was not responsible for the unacceptable things that happened and that you will make sure that her step father knows that a strong and responsible grown up is protecting her now and will do her best to see he is punished for the wrong things that he did.
My now 11 year old daughter was molested when she was 5 by a neighbor boy that was then 13. It took her a few days to tell me about it because she was confused and thought she would get in trouble for allowing him to see her privates. Counselling, police involvement, talking to the family and talking to her when she needed to talk seems to have put the incident in perspective. After about a year I asked her once how she felt when she saw him. I was waiting with my heart in my mouth for her answer. Her answer was "Well mom, he got grounded so I guess he will be good now." She needed to know he had been punished, and grounding was the worst thing she could think of for a punishment! She is adjusted, reasonably happy and no longer mentions the abuse. But I always have that little doubt in the back of my mind that it will affect her in her adult relationships. Time will tell, and I will be watching!
I wish someone had watched out for you! You must be your own advocate now. God bless and godspeed in your recovery.
2007-09-15 02:47:32 · answer #3 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude i reported Sand M.
But man! u mustve gone through alot! I wouldnt write him a letter tho. That would get u involved more with him. I would just stay away from him all together. I hope u feel better. I cant believe u would be able to live through all that. I have never seen anything like this happen before to a real person like ive seen it on tv and stuff but wow. Good luck.
2007-09-15 17:21:05 · answer #4 · answered by Hippy of 21st Century - Jargouss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Judie H!
I never saw your original question till I read your question history. But, anyway,, It is ALL ABOUT your feelings of control this dog drool has over you. Granted it’s from your childhood but for you it’s as though it happened yesterday.
Once you relinquish the “control” you feel he has over you, Confront the dog drool, and Resolve the issues you WILL have a great weight lifted from your shoulders. Control-Confront-Resolution IS the key. Writing everything down in a letter is an excellent step! Counseling will help a great deal too!!
Pay zero attention to the other post,,, somebody whizzed in his gene pool.
2007-09-15 02:19:05 · answer #5 · answered by logicalanswer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to 'sand m'. He/she is obviously 6 cans short of a six pack. LOL People like that need to stay off this site.
I'm glad we did some good with our suggestions. I'm really sorry for all the pain you have endured, and still are enduring. Be well. Take care. :-)
2007-09-15 02:03:09 · answer #6 · answered by lady_bella 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋