What would you do and how would you feel if?

Question

What would you do and how would you feel if the man you thought you married turned out to be someone totally different?
I just got married 3 months ago to a wonderful, caring, loving, religious, funny........well you get the idea.....man. The problem is that as it turns out he is really not all those things!!
Turns out he has been hiding a drinking problem from me, has run up hundreds of dollars in credit cards, has spent all our money, and has been lying to my face for at least 5 months that I know of! We have always been close I knew him for almost a year before we got engaged and was engaged to him for over a year. I just thought marriage was going to be pretty easy for us, because we had (I thought) always been honest with each other and just had one of those rare relationships you always hear about in fairy tales. I try to live as Christian as possible, so I don't believe in divorce, but I feel so betrayed and hurt. To make matters worse I know have to handle all our.....

finances and expenses, thus reminding me of the whole ordeal and feeling more hurt and betrayed everyday that goes by!! I just want toknow what you would do in my situation or if you have ever been through something like this and what you did?

Oh, my mom calls it the
Dr. Jekyl/ Mr. Hyde syndrome.........she said it happened to her in both her marriages, but I thought I could beat it 'cause I thought I did everything by the book and really knew him!!

oh....it's supposed to be now have to handle, instead of know...sorry

He has admitted to the problem we are seeking counseling from our pastor and he has repented in church, but how do I mend emotionally? How would you feel and what would you do to handle all this?

Answer 1

Listen honey. You may not believe in divorce. But this guy has deceived you. Only a fool would stay in this, Christ did not plan for you to claim Christianity and be foolish. Do you know the bible speak of silly women. You are being silly. Be happy that you found this chump out early in the marriage. Life is too short for this crap. It can only get worst. Stop making excuses and get on with it.

Answer 2

Sweetie I hate to brake it to you, but I don't care how many times he confesses to the pastor, he's not going to change. He is not trust worthy. He lied to you. He is not only a drunk, but also an irresponsible man. He dragged you into this marriage with a bunch of lies. He doesn't deserve your love. I have a sister in law that went trough the same thing you are going through. That man almost drove her to the ground. Since she divorced him, her life turned for the better. He was not only liar, a cheater, a wreck when it comes to finances and an alcoholic, but he was also abusing her verbally. I don't really think all the counseling in the world is going to make a deference. The decision is yours, but be very careful. It might affect the rest of your life.

Answer 3

Well, the real truth of the matter is that you didn't marry THAT man. This is coming from a sister-in-Christ. If he deceived you to win you & now his true self is showing he is not the man you married. PERIOD. You don't deserve this life & you would do well to get yourself a good divorce attorney. This same sort of situation happened to my sister. She met her husband in church & he was SOOO wonderful. Then she found out he had a past drug problem that he took up again. He started beating her when she confronted him with it. He got credit cards in her name (she was a stay-at-home mom) to get cash advances for drugs then didn't pay on them. She had creditors calling her asking about when she was going to make payment on credit cards she had never even seen or knew of. He ruined her good credit. They lost their house. They came & repoed her car. She tried to go to his family to help but they blamed her for it. She had 2 kids with this man until she finally said, ENOUGH! Don't wait that long. Don't bring kids into the picture. I'm not saying God isn't big enough to change him, but he can change him while you're a safe distance away & bring you back together at a later time if you are truly meant to be with him. God bless you! I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this.

Answer 4

I swore I never would get divorced too but when I saw what it was doing to me, I had to. Mine refused counseling hopefully yours won't...
I'd get the scissors cut the cards up and seek help of a debt reduction program or you'll never get out from under.

Answer 5

I'm sorry for what you are going through.but you have to be honest with your self. you did not know this man as well as you
'thougnt you did. somethings are notable. some or not. but
now you have to l let him know that you don't trust him any more
a marriage is about honest, trust, he need to get some help
to deal with the fact that he been lying to you. but now both
of you need to get some counseling if you want to save
the marriage.

Answer 6

Your marriage is based on lies...get an annulment or a divorce....I wouldn't waste another minute with a man that deceived me from the beginning.

Answer 7

right here have a hug.. (( )) and one for Ma too (( )) I suppose adored. my nieces and nephews my sisters my loved ones is lovely neat even supposing they're 1 miles away I recognize that they love me.. If I didn't recognize that I might with ease don't have any purpose to reside now might I? I suppose above all adored at present.. so I am going to proportion it with you.. OK? anybody else needs a hug.. come and get it they're unfastened this night..!!

Answer 8

I'm glad you and your husband are seeking help. I hope everything works out for both of you. "How can your heart mend?" Prayers and forgiveness yet time can mend your heart. Always remember that no one is perfect!

Answer 9

Go to couples counselling at your church and send his butt to rehab. It's your only chance.

Answer 10

get an annulment based on fraud. Until he admits he has a problem you can't help him .