People Who Have Kids Before Marriage?

Question

I'm not saying that I'm against kids out of marriage; however, do you think it's crazy that people have 2, 3 or even 4 kids and then decided to get married.

I know lots of young women that get pregnant by mistake. If they love the father of the child, they often end up getting married. But, usually after 1 child out of marriage they get the idea. They start using birth control or condoms. Then they get married before deciding to have more children.

But, I don't understand people who have 3 or 4 kids with someone over a 5-6 time period and then decide to get married.

I know to each is it's own. But, I think it's sort of doing things too backwards.

Like I said, it's understandable if you have one child and then get married b/c you want your boyfriend, you and your child to be an official family.

But, why do so many people pop out all these kids (consciously, the 1st time is a mistake. After that you should wake up and use protection.) and then have the wedding?

Answer 1

For those who are in committed, monogamous relationships, there is no need for a ring or piece of paper stamped by the state to declare that love.

Answer 2

I agree 100%. I have a friend that is desperately trying to conceive. She waited until she was married, very well off financially to offer the child the best life and now can't have one. On the other hand, I have worked with girls that have a child solely to control their boyfriends or to get a commitment out of them. If I were a guy, I think I'd wear a condom even in a monogamous, long term relationship. I am a big supporter of Planned Parenthood. They are wonderful and BC is free if you can't afford it. So, I really don't even understand getting pregnant by accident these days, unless you take your BC by the book and it fails. Teens today say they are so intelligent and mature but they obviously are not, OR like the girls I employed, know exactly what they are doing "by accident." LOL Makes you feel sorry for the guys.

Answer 3

Some are just waiting for the guy to ask. But you know guys, why get married if I can get all i want without it. I also have to say the same about girls, "he loves me and i know after i have is baby, he will want to marry me" what a bunch of ****.
Yes i know some don't believe in marriage, just living together, then after they have a couple of kids, everyone starts telling them they should get married for the kids sake. More bull, if you don't do it because you want to, using the kids as an excuse, is just as bad. Now every time you have a fight, you will here"i only married you because you were pregnant". Just be glad you have enough brains not to do what they are doing.

Answer 4

I had 3 kid's before I married my 1st husband my oldest son was born 1 month before I turned 18, we'd been together for about 7 years when we finally had the wedding after the 3 boys were born , he wanted a family , I wanted a family , we owned our home , we owned our cars , he worked , I worked , he was 24 when we married and I was 23 , our 3 boys were loving lil things , made me laugh even though their dad couldnt anymore , but we took the plunge anyways .Not exactly how I pictured it'd be , I dreamt of the wedding , the honey moon , I even wanted to travel with my husband and then buy a home and then start a family , but its not LA LA land we actually live in , in reality now is it?.

I didnt plan my pregnancies how ever , our oldest was conceived while I was on the pill , our 2nd oldest who snuck in 17 months after our eldest came and we used a condom that night , it broke , we didnt know until we were done well least I didnt and we used the spermicide so not everything is 100% preventable deary.As for my 3rd son I'd been off the pill for about a year and a half because it didnt stop them coming something about hormone level's and a diet pill I was taking with fish guts in it , true story ask a doctor they'll show you in the texts.So while all 3 were un-planned and arrived at their leisure I think unless you've been through the situation of birth control failing you best not judge .I had a daughter after our marriage she WAS planned .

My point , tisk tisk tisk on you , for judging it the way your wording is we dont just pop them out , their not fruit or lollies and as for consciously ? how many kids do you have ? are you married? do you own your own home?we dont know because you havent said , yes it is doing thing's back wards , but we dont live in fantasy land and we dont all have fairy tale romances where the prince rides up on his steed drops to his knee and declares his undying love and devotion to us now do we?.

Thing's happen for a lot of reasons , the stability of wanting your own home and marriage doesnt always come in line neither does giving birth to a child , and while I am aware of at least 5 of my now ex-friends falling pregnant hoping their man would be responsible and play happy families by marrying them not all of us are so selfish.

I think people need to stop lumping women / men into 1 catogory and just live with the fact things happen and some time's there's nothing you can do to prevent it so we who do it live with it society doesnt have to unless these girl's are falling pregnant and popping them as you stated 1 after the other with different dad's and they are on welfare , thats the only time any one should be worrying about children being born before marriage no other reason because everyone's choice is their OWN.

And what is this "Official family" garbage , define official for today's society .

Answer 5

It seems to be the popular thing to do these days. Why in the world any woman would knowingly have a child with a man who isn't committed enough to her and who doesn't love her enough to marry her is just beyond me. I've heard women say that they're just "not ready" for marriage. If you're not ready for marriage you CERTAINLY are not ready for a baby. We are doing a great injustice to our children when we choose to have them out of wedlock. A child needs both parents for love, support & a role model. It will be a generation down the road but we will soon enough see the terrible repercussions of this epidemic.

Answer 6

Today many people view the license as only a piece of paper. Marriage is not the same or hold the same value as it once did. Hell now people are marrying many times. I know a couple who lived togther and had 4 kids for over 30years b4 getting married. They only married because they are up there in age and for social securty and benifit issues. There is just little value in that title "husband, wife" any more.

Answer 7

Who knows why people do what they do, we all make choices in our lives, sometimes good, sometimes not so good.. I try not to judge people because i firmly believe that only god has the right to judge, but i agree with u, u'd think they'd eventually learn what causes pregnancy.. but ive also known women that had zero interest in marriage, but wanted alot of kids.. so who knows.. maybe they think 1 kid isnt enough to trap the guy lol i dont know..

Answer 8

UGH!!! I don't like hearing that kids are " a mistake"...I would suggest using "surprise"...a mistake is something you would take back if you could. I say to each their own...it isn't my business if people are having children first before marriage.

Answer 9

That's why throughout history parents told their kids to be virgins before they got married... (which of course you are, right?) Let's go back to the Victorian age, huh?

Answer 10

Its not up to you or me to judge other people based on their life experiences.Cause we are not good enough.