Do i spoil my son??

Question

I have a 9 yearold son and am expecting twins soon. My son always gets good grades and is very polite. So for his brithday 2 weeks ago he wanted the xbox 360 and the wii but i told him to choose. He couldent make up his mind so i got him both. I thought id do this because i will not be able to spend as much time with him when the babies arive. Also i got him a video camera to film him and his friends doing skateboarding tricks. He also asked for a cell phone because he wants it because of football practices and the feild the practice at is like a block a way from our house. And he walks home. I dont if i should get him one?? Am i spoiling him too much???

He does have chores
Clean his room
Sort his laundry
Unload the dishwasher
Take out the trash

Answer 1

Sounds like you are feeling guilty about having two new babies. You ARE spoiling this child. 9 year-olds have no need for a cell phone (unless it's one of the kid ones that has just a few numbers and a tracking system on it). He knows that you are feeling guitly and that he can manipulate you into giving him whatever he wants right now. It's a bad idea to spoil him because he will become a little ***hole and you don't need that, especially with twins on the way.

Answer 2

Well, yeah, you are spoiling him. Why did you give him a choice about the xbox or the wii of you were getting him both? And what 9-year-old needs a video camera? It's great that he does chores but he doesn't need all that stuff. You said you won't be able to spend as much time with him when the babies get here - well, then maybe you need to MAKE the time to spend with him because you bought those things to be a babysitter.

The cell phone, on the other hand, might be a necessity. If he has all those activities going on, it is easier if he calls you when he's ready instead of you having to get the babies ready and wait for him to be done.

As for the other stuff, ease up on that and spend time with him.

Answer 3

Do not ask him to choose, then get him both. Do not get him everything he says he wants and there is NO replacement for your time and attention. Perhaps a family member can watch the twins so you and he could have your own time together once a week, say at McDonalds or the park or the library for a few hours? You are right he will need a lot of reassurance and the electronic toys go about providing that the entire wrong way. You cannot make him feel better by trying to divert his attention off of his circumstances. It will take more interaction with you once they are here, not less, to make him feel truly secure.

The cell phone could be a good safety thing and an easy way to find him if he's late, I like that idea but make sure he's earning it by keeping his room clean, picking up toys, helping around the house in some kind of way. Do not do all this for free, he needs jobs to do and responsibilities so he can feel good about himself.

Answer 4

I personally don't think that you're overdoing it. If you feel like you're spoiling him too much, and that he's only 9, I think you should lend him your cell phone for when he goes to football practice.
I understand the thing about the 'doing it cuz the twins are coming & wont spend enough time with him', because it probably is true.
But, you should've got him like the xbox360 for his birthday & the wii for another special occasion. Like a holiday, or just becoming a great big brother.
But please don't get him a cell phone at the age of 9, just give him yours ONLY FOR FOOTBALL PRACTICE & nothing else. It will teach him responsibility to get it back to YOU & tell him it's only for emergencies & practice & not for calling friends.
Good luck & congrats on the twins!!

Answer 5

I think that you are trying to make up for the harsh things that he will have to face when you have the twins, but this isn't the right solution. You should be able to make him feel better without buying him things. Since he's still young, he may turn this into a habit. For the cellphone, I think that he should be allowed one because he has to walk and stuff, but explain to him that it shouldn't be used frequently and be sure to take care of it. You should also limit the time that he gets to use the things that you bought him. Instead of video games, go to the park or play a game together. That might show him that money shouldn't be used for every problem. That'll also teach him about life.

Answer 6

Most 9 year olds don't need there mom as much as younger kids do(ages 2-6).When i was nine i was to caught up in sports and my friends to even talk to my mom.
i have some advice for when the new babies arrive
- if you're husband is off for the first week get them to spend time together.
- once a couple of weeks have past(maybe after you see he feels more left out) try and plan to spend time together maybe for 10 minutes or for half an hour and just talk or play games.
Good Luck and congrats on the new addition

Answer 7

You are really pushing it, yes, you are spoiling him, it is true he does a lot, BUT, you do more, you do ALOT more. He has NO RIGHT to make you feel guilty, or to make you buy things for him. YOU have changed his diapers. Paid for his food. Spent time with him. Helped him. Took care of him. And you have loved him. If you buy all this things, to be honest, he will seem farther away from you as the day moves on. This is a awkward comparison. But, continually buying these toys is like an addiction, where both of you are affected. To you, it seems the only way you can help him and make him happy is with toys and various items. He thinks that you, because you love him, should buy him all these toys and items. REMEMBER. YOU ARE THE MOM. You have taken care of him your whole life, you dont need to feel bad for him, or feel any remourse or anything for not buying him what he wants, the more you buy, the deeper you are letting him fall.

Answer 8

Nothing you can do about it now...its not like you can take away one of the games! So, just let him know that you went overboard w/ the gifts this year. Let him know that you think he's special but that you will not be able to shower him w/ gifts like this all the time. Tell him that you love him and appreciate his good grades and manners. And then limit the expensive gifts :) As for the phone, I suppose it would be a good idea for "safety" reasons. Congrats on the twins.

Answer 9

Get him a prepaid phone from verizon or a t&t , where you just buy the cards from like wal-mart with the amount of money so you don't have to pay an outrageous bill. I have a razr from a t & t , but it's prepaid because being 13 theres no way i could afford a bill and my parents won't pay for a huge bill . And let it be his responsibility to keep up with the amount of money he has on it , and only get him more for it like once a month so he learns to use it responsibly and not blow it all then he knows you'll go get more for him .

Answer 10

Hey, if he gets good grades and behaves well and you can afford to do it, I see nothing wrong with rewarding a good kid. Should he get everything he asks for? Nah, I would stop now and hold off on the cell phone. Maybe until his 10th birthday or so. Personally, my opinion of spoiling is this: when a kid asks for something rudely (throws a fit, makes threats, cries, etc) or demands something and gets it by that behavior.

The only thing I see wrong with your reasoning is to buy him things in lieu of time spent with him. Your time, love, and attention will always mean more to him than any material thing.